Moments In Time - Part 1, Season 4
by AliyahNCIS
Summary: Follows my version of Boxed In. An AU look at the series. What if Tony and Ziva were married starting in S4 and managed to keep it a secret? How different might things look from a new perspective? Read on and find out!
1. Prologue & 4x1 Shalom

_AN: And here begins another series. MIT is a story done in 7 parts - 1 for each season from 4-9 and 1 for the rest of the story, going AU after the S9 finale. The chapters will be one-shots based off each episode and fair warning - I will be ignoring or drastically re-working anything that doesn't mesh with the ideas in my head, and adding the 'more' I think is hiding somewhere behind the scenes whenever applicable. Creative license :) Each part will have the same number of chapters as there are episodes in the season (tho some chapters will be much shorter than others due to lack of material), and I will occasionally be modifying the dates certain episodes aired on to fit with my timeline. Any questions, feel free to ask. I will try to update once a week but I'm currently stuck on writing the last part so I can make no guarantees. The last part will be a normal story with chapters that are connected and you may see some familiar characters from my Remnants of Somalia series. I feel in love with many of them and just have to use them again. So far I'm at five chapters but I anticipate 15-20 before it's over. Thank you for your patience and I hope you enjoy Moments In Time :) ~Aliyah_

**Prologue**

They started truly being friends after the night of Tony's surprise party, and Ziva was able to recognize the signs of Tony intentionally flirting with her within a few weeks. She mostly ignored his advances, not wanting to rush into anything with the self-proclaimed playboy. But then a case reminded her of a friend who died, so he took her out for drinks at the end and let her memories spill out with each shot she took. That he could remain a gentleman when he took her home, more than a little tipsy and completely willing to throw caution to the wind, told the inebriated assassin that there was much more to Tony DiNozzo than the eye could see.

He was on her side again when the redneck at the park made comments about her heritage and later, after she shared a story about her father that brought her closer to tears than she had been since Ari's death. They teased each other with the park rangers' interest, but neither were too disappointed that it didn't work out. But when the teenage son of Marine Major held his classroom hostage, Z reverted back to her 'anything goes' Mossad training. She was unable to understand Tony's hesitation about using the snipers until he told her about an adolescent Tony DiNozzo, six years after losing his mom to cancer, who was ready to do something stupid so he could see her again, or at least make his father notice him. Ziva learned about comfort that night, over spaghetti and garlic bread and a little too much red wine, when she put her hands over his and for hours Tony never let go.

He made her stay at his place after the defacto gang leader issued a veiled threat to her and McGee, and they spent the evening camped out on his livingroom floor with lots of pillows, blankets and junk food, while Tony educated her on the finer points of American cinematic classics. Not too long after that, they fell asleep together while helping Gibbs and McGee look for the hidden zip drive component and awake with a start to realize how comfortable they were in the same space, never mind that earlier they'd been bugging each other relentlessly. They were on pins and needles during Abby's case and Ziva wished more than once for a few minutes alone with Michael Mawher, which is precisely why she was not granted that time.

The true test of their partnership and friendship came when a drug dealer's brother died in her custody. Throughout that whole case Ziva was left on the sidelines, unable to even prove her defense. When it seemed as if even Gibbs questioned whether she killed the man on purpose, her partner was there, sure that she was in control of her impulses, trusting her word that his death had been an accident.

Their trust and connection was cemented after the bombing on the ship when Tony stepped in as team leader and Ziva struggled with the emotions she was still so unused to feeling, let alone showing. She struggled with how the others saw her but in the brief quiet moments they managed to steal together in dark corners and empty restrooms, her partner reassured her that it was okay to be upset and she didn't have to share her feelings with anyone. He knew her heart, that was enough. To return the favour, Ziva tried to gently and sometimes bluntly tone down Tony's Gibbs-like behaviour while also subtly bolstering his confidence in his abilities. Their relief at Gibbs' returning memory was short-lived and Ziva followed Tony home that night as he struggled to cope with the immense responsibility that had been thrust upon him without warning.

When they fell asleep in each other's arms after the main thing keeping them apart rode off into a Mexican sunrise, Tony and Ziva knew it was finally time for what they wanted. The next morning, a year after they'd met on opposite sides, a very honest conversation and their first non-undercover kiss quickly quashed any questions and insecurities about how to make this work. They spent a perfect summer together full of movies, laughter and a gradual drawing closer that barely registered until one day they looked up and suddenly recognized the other half of their hearts.

Being together gave them a chance to take off the masks worn at work that protected them from doubts and negative words and let Tony and Ziva just be real with someone. Ziva became Tony's encourager as he grew into his new role and Tony helped her learn to relax and not always be on her guard for the first time since her childhood. It was better than either could've imagined, even during the inevitable moments when they butted heads. The partners were finally starting to believe that they might be allowed to be happy, until one morning Ziva witnessed an assassination on her way to work. That began a chain of events that made her wonder if happy ever after was over already. Pity, when she's almost let herself hope, for once, that things might be different.

**4x1 - Shalom**

Tony texted Ziva as he strode through the busy airport terminal, extremely glad to finally be home. The two weeks apart had not been easy, especially when they were used to simply turning their heads and finding the other one almost always within reach. They hadn't spent this much time without each other since they became partners a year ago. The calls every night helped, and Tony loved to be on speakerphone with his girlfriend while she made supper or watched a movie or read a book with a mug of her favourite tea within reach.

They talked about everything and nothing and made a game out of Tony being able to guess the movie she had chosen within the first couple minutes. Texting during the day was the only thing that kept him sane during the boring security conference seminars, and he grinned every time her name popped up on the screen of his cell phone. But none of it compared to actually being back in DC and getting to see her at the office in less than an hour.

Tony smirked as he thought of reasons to drag her off into a dark corner for the welcome home kiss he'd been dreaming about. She'd probably hit him for getting cozy at work, but he'd take the bruise if it meant he got to have her in his arms for the few seconds that would have to get him through the rest of the day until quitting time. Picking up the pace, Tony reached for his keys. The gag gift he carried would earn him a sharp look, but tonight he hoped the real one would put a smile on her face and the sparkle in her eyes that he loved. Getting to make Ziva David act like a giddy schoolgirl? Absolutely priceless.

**NCIS**

Ziva being an hour later to work? Nothing that hadn't happened before. Ziva being two hours later for work? Sure she could take care of herself, but his gaze continually strayed to her empty desk, wishing she'd answer her cell phone when he tried it for the fifteenth time. Ziva now missing and the FBI showing up to take over? Something was definitely going on and by the look in Director Shepard's eyes, it wasn't good.

Tony held it together at the office, during a long day of pointed remarks about his partner's loyalty and honesty, but he'd been ready to punch Agent Sacks for insinuating that Ziva was working against them. Michelle almost got a headslap for her comments too, but it was easier to stay silent and leave her to babysit the Feds while they tried to figure out what the heck Ziva had gotten herself into this time.

As soon as he thought he could get away with it, Tony dismissed the team for the night and drove straight to Ziva's apartment. There was no evidence she'd been home since this morning, though he saw her breakfast dishes in the sink, indicating that she had been okay until the time when she'd ditched her car and disappeared. He wandered around, breathing in her familiar scent, and tried her cell another half dozen times before giving up. Knowing Ziva, she would've tossed her phone about the same time she parked her Mini on a curb in Georgetown.

Sighing heavily, Tony locked up and drove to his apartment, but wasn't surprised to find it dark and empty. She would've been trying to put distance between herself and anyone she knew if she thought there was a threat. Sure that he wouldn't rest easy until he knew she was safe, Tony left and spent the next several hours driving around the city and trying every place he could think of that she'd mentioned or talked about or where they'd gone together. When it was after midnight and he'd had no success, the team leader returned home to spend what was left of the night pacing, watching his phone and occasionally napping on the couch. If he ever found his girlfriend, he was going to tear her a new one for breaking Rule 3. After he hugged her as tight as he could and told her he was glad she was alright.

**NCIS**

Across town Ziva David lay under a partially finished boat, staring at boards and ceiling beams and wishing she could talk to someone other than herself. Mossad didn't do well with being caged and the more minutes that ticked by, the more Ziva was sure she'd go stir crazy before Gibbs arrived, hopefully in time to save her from the mixed up mess her life had become in the course of one day.

Turning her silent phone over and over in her hand, Ziva was thankful for the training that compelled her to keep money tucked in the back pocket of her jeans, for use if a situation arose that made it impractical to use her credit cards. As she was right now trying to stay under everyone's radar, she'd chosen a convenience store that was known to have security cameras only for show as the place to purchase a burn phone.

Since it was impossible to trace even for McGee, Ziva was probably safe using it to text, but she couldn't bring herself to potentially put those she cared about in danger - particularly one handsome, green-eyed, self-assured team leader who would stop at nothing to track her down. Ziva knew Tony would likely be frantic when he couldn't reach her, when he stopped at her apartment and found it empty, but hopefully he would forgive her once he understood her intentions. Sighing, she stood up and began pacing again. It was seven steps across the basement, ten for the length of it. Maybe she'd make it to a thousand this time.

**NCIS**

The next day they were in Autopsy with the red light flashing as they hashed a totally illegal plot to find and assist their wanted teammate. It was expected but still gratifying when everyone declared themselves in regardless of the consequences. And then his black-haired little sister put her hand up and confessed. Tony should've been furious at Abby for withholding information from them, but that was the last thing on his mind as he dialed the number she gave him.

He couldn't begin to describe his relief when she answered the phone. "Ziva?"

Ziva rolled her eyes. "Tell Abby I am going to kill her."

Wandering away from the group, Tony lowered his voice. "We love you too."

Her lips curled up, knowing that was all he could say with witnesses listening, she could get away with even less. "I will remember that. I am hanging up now."

His tone hardened. "No, you're going to tell me what the heck is going on."

Ziva huffed. "Your phone could be tapped Tony."

He was desperate to know she was really okay. "Then I'll come to you. I'm also trying to get ahold of Gibbs right now, but I'm not having much luck."

The surprise in her tone should've warned him. "Gibbs? Why did you not say so?"

Before Tony had time to prepare, his former boss's voice came over the line. "DiNozzo, you have ten seconds to tell me why I'm not building a teak hot tub in Mexico." Tony's silence did not help the situation as the countdown began. "9..."

The next thing he knew Tony was in Gibbs' basement, relieved beyond words to see Ziva safe and in one piece, and wishing he could offer support of some kind when she realized she'd been framed. And even though he knew it was for show, a look in her eyes confirmed it, Tony couldn't help the sting of her words when Ziva complained about him being insufferable. That, in part, accounted for him snapping at her.

"I don't believe I asked for your opinion, Officer David."

One of Ziva's eyebrows arched but she said nothing, taking his anger for the fear he'd dwelt in after a night of not knowing how she was. But with Gibbs' watchful eyes on both of them, she couldn't even squeeze his hand for reassurance without their secret coming to light. So Ziva settled for meaningful glances, hoping Tony would read into them all she wished she could say.

**NCIS**

The safe house had blown up. The safe house he knew Gibbs and Ziva had been searching. The call came in from the FBI and Tony's heart fell to his stomach. For an hour he paced along the windows, staring at his silent cellphone and thinking about his missing girlfriend. The thought the he might have lost her this soon after they'd found a place in each other's lives was too painful to comprehend. His fears were not assuaged by the conversation with Agent Sacks. Incinerated...anonymous tip..., none of it sounded good.

As he stepped into the elevator, Sacks threw his parting shot. "For all we know she blew up the place to cover her own tracks."

Tony leaned into the car. "She was only looking for the guy who set her up."

Sacks slammed his hand on the door to keep it open. "You mind telling me how you know that?"

_Because I know her_, he thought, but Tony just held the man's gaze. "Because that's what I'd do."

Talking to Ducky minutes later made him feel even worse. Yes he'd tried their numbers, no he hadn't gotten an answer, maybe resigning was the only thing left. But the ME's uncharacteristic assertiveness managed to talk some sense into the team leader and his attitude turned remorseful. "Why wasn't I with Ziva? I turned over my responsibility to Gibbs without even thinking about it."

Being reminded the Gibbs was capable despite his time in the Mexican sun didn't make Tony feel any better about his partner being MIA. But Gibbs' reappearance brought relief in knowing Ziva was alive, and working through the night gave him an excuse not to think about being away from her. At least having her new number meant he could text her, and thought she wouldn't admit to being scared, he knew a second night in hiding was shaking her confidence

**NCIS**

With the morning light came a BOLO update and the first solid lead they'd gotten since this fiasco began. Then Gibbs got the bright idea to call Ziva and tell her where her former partner was holed up. Shock and surprise, Ziva decided to do things her way and they were left to follow in the wake of her actions. On the way to the motel Tony was seething. He tried to tell Gibbs not to give Ziva the information, but the man still thought he was a supernatural being and that even without a badge he could control everyone around him. Now she was in danger. If anything happened to Ziva he would-

They arrived and he didn't have time to finish that thought. Upon entering the room Tony saw Ziva leaning against the dresser, breathing hard and spotted with blood. All he wanted to do was go to her and make sure she was okay, but no one else was supposed to know about them, so he caught the recorder she tossed at him and watched her limp out, concerned because she was actually sounding and acting injured. They processed the scene while Ziva was tended to by paramedics McGee had the foresight to call for, and afterwards Tony insisted that his partner ride back with him.

The other car left and Tony approached his girlfriend slowly. She eyed him warily as he sat on the bench beside her. "What were you thinking Ziva?" he asked softly.

She shrugged and winced, bruised ribs being rather unforgiving. "I could not let them get away."

Tony caressed the skin under her eye where a bruise was already starting to form. "She could've killed you and I wasn't here to have your back."

Ziva smiled faintly at his concern. "I am Mossad Tony, we do not often lose."

He wove his fingers into her hair. "I couldn't afford for this to be the time you did. You're the best part of my life Ziva."

She shook her head and pulled away. "We have to talk."

His stomach lurched. "That's the worst way to start a conversation." Tony swallowed. "Are you breaking up with me?"

Ziva sighed. "I do not want to, but..."

He frowned. "But what?"

She stared across the parking lot. "When I went to see Officer Bashan at the Israeli Embassy about the bombing, he had pictures of you coming to my apartment, he asked if we were sleeping together." Ziva flexed her fingers. "My father knows something is going on. I do not want to risk being called back. I like it here, there is much to...love in DC."

Tony rubbed his face. "Eli's spying on you? That's kind of low."

Her expression conveyed no surprise. "I barely speak to him - either he suddenly cares about my life or he has stopped trusting me."

He slid his fingers through hers. "What are we doing to do?"

She shook her head. "I do not want to lose this, you. It is an impossible choice."

Tony was silent for almost a minute, slowly tracing her fingers. Finally he cleared his throat. "Do something crazy with me."

Ziva's brow furrowed. "How crazy?"

He looked into her eyes. "You know I love you, right?" She nodded. "I don't want to lose this either. We need each other Zi." Tony grinned self-consciously. "Marry me?"

Her eyes widened and she couldn't seem to find any words. "Are you sure?" she managed.

"When something is right, you just need to go for it." He kissed her fingers. "We're right Zi, we can do this."

"It would be even worse to lose you if things did not work out," Ziva tried to argue.

Tony shook his head. "Don't automatically assume the worst Ziva, we've made a relationship work for almost six months." They just hadn't called it dating until Gibbs left. "The only difference now is you wouldn't have to kick me out at bedtime." Ziva let herself dream about what it would be like to share a home, a bed, and a life with Tony. He traced her ring finger gently and his expression was as sincere as she'd ever seen. "Please say yes Zi, I don't want to lose you."

Ziva hesitated and her gaze shadowed. "Tony, there is something you need to know first."

He frowned. "What?"

She looked away, staring across the parking lot. "Ari was my brother."

Tony's eyes almost bugged out of his head. "Brother?"

Ziva's shoulders hunched. "Half," she continued quietly. "Eli fathered both of us." She wanted to but wouldn't tell him about summers playing in the olive grove with big brother and little sister, learning to climb trees and throw knives, chasing each other through the bright Israeli sunshine. Swallowing hard, she looked into her boyfriend's face. "And it was I who shot him to save Gibbs."

Shock covered Tony's face and she looked down at their intertwined fingers, wondering how long before he let go. But Tony surprised her once again when he cupped her cheek in his hand. "I'm so sorry Ziva."

She jerked her head up. "Why would you be sorry?"

He held her eyes. "That must've been the hardest thing you ever did."

Two tears escaped to run down her face. "I loved him. Ari was a good brother. That...monster, that bitter, twisted man in Gibbs' basement was not Ari." Tony's tenderness was something she did not feel she deserved. "Do you not hate me?"

Tony feathered his fingers through her hair. "Why would I hate you? You did what you had to do. Our jobs aren't fun Zi, they're dirty and messy and painful. But we get the bad guys, even when they're someone close to us. I'm sorry for the burden you have to bear, but I don't blame you and I could never hate you." He touched his lips to her knuckles and looked up with a twinkle in his eyes and the half grin she loved. "Ziva David, I love you and I want to marry you. Weren't you about to say yes?"

Her brief hiccup of laughter quickly faded to a small smile. She closed her eyes and took a breath, meeting his clear, hopeful green gaze. "Yes."

His face lit up. "Really?"

Ziva laughed, feeling lighthearted and free, spontaneous for once, one moment of her life not planned or ordered. "Yes."

Tony leaned in to kiss her but Ziva put her hand on his chest. "My nose."

He cupped her cheek and caressed the skin. "You don't think I can be gentle?" When his lips moved over hers it was the barest whisper of a touch and Ziva smiled.

"That was nice."

"Good."

She raised an eyebrow. "So now what?"

Tony grinned. "We give it a week, maybe two so your face doesn't hurt, then head down to City Hall and make this arrangement permanent."

Ziva sighed happily. "I love you."

He pressed his lips to her cheek. "You won't regret this, I promise." To prove his words he reached into his pocket for the gift he'd been carrying around since he got back.

She tilted her head in curiosity when he pressed the small, heart-shaped lock into her palm. Turning it over, she found their names engraved on the back. "What is this?"

Tony ran his finger over it. "We had a stopover in Paris. There's this bridge, the Pont des Arts, that's covered in padlocks of all shapes and sizes. The story goes that if write your name and the name of the one you love on the lock and attach it to the bridge, then throw the key into the Seine River, it's a symbol of undying love. The only way to break that seal of love is to find the key and unlock the padlock. Which, of course, is impossible." He smiled at her. "I bought two identical locks and put one on the bridge, then brought the other home for you. I want you to know I mean it Ziva."

Ziva closed her fingers over the padlock and stared into his eyes. "I will hold you to that."

He kissed her gently one more time. "Oh, I'm counting on it."

**NCIS**

Later that afternoon Tony and Ziva sat in Jenny's office watching the news report. When it finished, the director smiled and stood. "Welcome home Ziva."

She smiled back. "I would not be here if it was not for Gibbs."

"And me," Tony put in, feeling left out.

Ziva glanced at him. "True, but mostly Gibbs."

Jenny raised an eyebrow. "Speaking of which..."

Tony got up. "He's in the squadroom."

As they followed her out, Ziva reached back and briefly clasped his hand, letting Tony know she was grateful for his part in clearing her name. Gibbs was gone when they reached the bullpen and Tony sat comfortably at his desk once Jenny went back upstairs. More than any time since Gibbs left, he really felt like he deserved to have this chair. Looking to Ziva at his right, Tony smiled. This was his team and they were doing just fine.

**NCIS**

The evening finally rolled around and everyone packed up to head home. Tony waited for Ziva at the edge of the bullpen and they joined hands as soon as no one was watching. They went back to Ziva's apartment this time, because her first priority was a hot bath to soak away the soreness from her fight, and Tony gladly prepared some Middle Eastern comfort food for dinner, having learned from Ziva shortly after the first time she cooked for him.

Tony and Ziva ate dinner by candlelight and Tony kept looking at her nose, thankful her injuries weren't worse. Finally he sighed, toying with the food on his plate. "Do you think Gibbs really wishes he left McGee in charge?" Tony asked, referring to Gibbs' comment earlier about Ziva not being in this mess if he had.

Ziva's brow furrowed. "You were Senior Field Agent and you have been a good team leader. I do not think Gibbs would change that."

Tony's gaze was troubled when he met her eyes. "Would you?"

She smiled softly. "I miss Gibbs, but I am happy with how things are."

He squeezed her hand and they finished in silence, then did dishes before getting comfortable on the couch. He listened to Ziva's breathing and watched her pulse beat in her neck, smiling as her fingers drew random patterns on his chest. Finally though he recognized her distraction techniques for when she was avoiding something and caught her hand in his, rubbing her ring finger.

"Hey, having second thoughts?"

Ziva flipped her hair over one shoulder and repositioned her head under his chin. "No," she said slowly, "but there is something else we need to consider."

Tony moved and made her look at him. "What's that?"

Ziva sighed. "Your undercover assignment."

He wrapped his arms around her. "It's nothing serious Zi, just some surveillance stuff so far, getting a feel for how La Grenouille's people work."

Her dark eyes bore into his. "Is it going to get serious?"

Tony hesitated, then shrugged. "The director won't really say. I've been keeping tabs on his daughter, but so far Daddy Dearest hasn't paid her a visit. I honestly don't know what comes next."

"Getting close to her. Seducing her for information," Ziva said flatly, and Tony realized in that moment how much she'd given up for her missions.

He kissed her temple. "I hope it doesn't go that direction." Tony thought for a moment, holding her a little tighter. "Could you handle it if it did?"

Ziva squeezed her eyes shut. "I do not want to think about you being in her bed and then coming home to ours."

"No." Tony was adamant, tilting her chin up so she could see it in his face. "It wouldn't be like that. Get close, maybe. Kiss, probably. But I would not betray our vows like that Ziva, not for the sake of a mission. I'd quit before I had to make that choice."

Ziva looked into his eyes. "Do not hide it from me, what you do with her, even if I would not like it."

He swallowed. "We don't even know that's where this assignment is heading Zi, but if it is, I promise I'll tell you everything. And you'll be there when I come home to help me hold onto myself, right?"

She nodded. "Always." Her lips were gentle on his cheek. "I love you."

Tony breathed in her scent and pulled her carefully into his lap. "I love you too. We can do this Zi, I know we can."

With that promise echoing in her ears, Ziva closed her eyes and for the first time in two days, slept in peace.

**NCIS**

Two days after getting engaged and making sure they weren't followed, Tony took her jewellery shopping and together they picked out an engagement ring she couldn't help falling in love with. It immediately went around her neck on a chain long enough that it could hide under her shirts and fine enough that it was barely noticeable under her Star of David. Their shared glances and the long, intense looks McGee had dubbed 'eye sex' escalated, because every time Tony caught a glimpse of the chain he couldn't help the thrill that went through him remembering how she'd promised to be his.

A week later Ziva tracked down the Mossad officers spying on her, disarmed them, pulled her knife and gun, and held the weapons to their throats and temples while she described, in great detail that would make even the most hardened soldier quiver, exactly what she would do if she ever caught so much as a glimpse of them or felt the slightest twinge that she was being followed. Then Ziva instructed them just what to put in their report to her father and vanished into the night like the shadow she was trained to be. Unsurprisingly, the spies were never seen again.

The following weekend Tony and Ziva stood in a room at city Hall wearing a nice suit and pretty sundress and listened to the court official read the vows. They both uttered the words, "I promise," shared a sweet kiss and went to lunch. But the real celebration occurred when Tony and Ziva checked into a hotel under false names and spent the rest of the day in bed, and Ziva found out just how good her new husband was at everything he'd always bragged about.

The couple kissed and talked and touched, staring at the rings they had only the weekend to wear and trying to believe this was real. Dinner was a candlelight affair catered to their room and eaten with Ziva wearing a negligee and silk dressing gown and Tony putting his half-buttoned up dress shirt back on over his boxers. They cuddled on the couch and watched a sappy movie, at the end taking a moment to appreciate that there was no goodbye coming, not this time. Ziva led him back across the room and they took a shower together, falling asleep warm and comfortable and wrapped in each other's arms. There had never been anything better than now, and today was only the beginning of the rest of their lives.

_Replies: (There's a lot of them, I've been stockpiling these for awhile)_

_KEL (SS42) - haha...yeah, I guess in hindsight it seems like everything with RofS was over pretty quickly, but it didn't feel that way when I was writing it. I'm glad you liked the TZ banter, I figured that part would go over well. And I like Callen getting a chance to be happy. Thanks for reviewing :)_

_Sarah (SS42) - lol, you're welcome. Sorry it takes so long for you to get them tho. What did you think of Shabbat Shalom and Shiva? Those eps were totally worth it, tho heartbreakingly sad. Must suck to be the last of your family. I'm glad you liked the chapter. No, Christine is my creation. I feel like Callen is always getting shafted as far as happiness is concerned and I wouldn't put it past Hetty to do something like set him up. Thanks for reviewing!_

_yadoonkeanjaani (SS43) - best fanfic ever? Wow...I'm honoured. And I have all you guys to thank for the support. Thanks for reviewing!_

_mishka (SS43) - I know it was sad, but any ending for this couple would be bittersweet. It's great ot hear you like my stories. Thanks for reviewing! :)_

_Rakael (SS43) - oops, sorry about that! But I do take tears as a compliment. I can't promise that I won't ever stop writing FF, but I probably won't ever stop writing everything, it's in my heart too much to let go of. Thanks for reviewing! :)_

_KEL (SS43) - Aww...it seems this chapter got a lot of tears. It sucks that they died but kinda romantic that 57 years later they still couldn't live without each other, right? Thanks for reviewing!_

_Sarah (SS43) - I figured that was the best way for them to go. They got their long full life together and their happy ending. I'm glad you liked the ending. It seems a bit long to put on a tombstone but it's so hard to sum up a life in so few words. You're welcome. Thanks for reviewing this series :) It's crazy that it's all over but I am looking forward to the new stuff. Glad I can finally answer your question. MIT will be one-shots that go with the episodes and include all the moments I've reworked for T&Z to be a married couple. There's 7 parts, one for each season between 4-9 and then part 7 which goes AU after the S9 finale. That's the part I'm stuck writing now, so chapters will only be posted sporadically. NWYT tho will be a normal story with chapters that follow each other. They will have some relation to episodes but won't be labeled as such. Thanks for everything Sarah! :)_

_Steph (SS43) - Thank you for your sweet comments, I'm glad you're enjoying my stories. Thanks for reviewing!_

_Steph (WYMM) - Thanks for that. It makes me feel good that people are reviewing my writing. I always like to know what readers are thinking but I know what it's like to get lost in a story. Thanks so much! :)_

_Lily (AS) - thanks :) It's always nice to get reviews for older stories. I enjoyed writing this one. Gibbs makes a good dad. Thanks for reviewing!_

_Lily (TWL1) - as much as I love Tiva fluff, I tried to stay true to what I thought the characters would do. I'm glad youc an hear them in the dialogue, then I feel like I've done something right. Thanks for reviewing! :)_

_First Step (AS) - I'm glad you liked the beginning. This is just the tip of the iceberg compared to the rest of the series, I hope you enjoyed the others as well!_

_Guest (TWL18) - wow, I'm your first review? I'm totally honoured! I'm glad you found my stories if you're enjoying them so much :) It's always great to hear that I've captured the characters well. I love doing 'more' stories and giving them lives beyond what we see on screen. I couldn't get over the fact that Z just came back like everything was fine, not even possible. I couldn't find a post-Somalia story like what I wanted so I wrote one. I'm super glad for the review, thank you :) haha...I'll add you to my list of people willing to read my original works, should I ever get anything published. I would like to and I have a collection of my own stuff. You'll have to leave me a name next time so I know who I'm talking to :) Thanks!_

_Yay part 3 is on (TWL30) - haha...it's nice to have a fan. I'm glad you're so into the stories, that makes me feel special. You're welcome. Masterpiece? Those are kind words, thank you :)_

_Excited for SMH (TMA28) - haha...always nice to be loved. I'm glad to see you at the end of each story and hear a little of what you thought. Addicted is a nice thing for an author to hear, you won't get any complains from me. Thank you for your lovely comments. I will take you up on the Abby hugs :)_

_luzma (WIACCD) - Thank you :) I'm glad to hear you liked my tag. I think Shiva turned out just fine, but it's nice the people like my version too. Thanks for reviewing!_

_Sarah (WIACCD) - you always do such a lovely job describing my stories, I love to hear the feelings you get from reading. I'm glad you liked my version. I too, wish that Eli hadn't died before they made peace. I totally agree that it hurts to watch that end scene. But the end scene of Shiva with T&Z at the airport almost makes up for it. Thanks for reviewing! :)_

_KEL (WIACCD) - haha...my version would've taken at least 20 minutes, I like to drag my moments out. But I do wish we'd seen some sort of comfort instead of them all just leaving her in the house with Eli's body. Thanks for reviewing! :)_

_beginning to end (SMH94) - wow, you read the whole series? That's a lot of chapters, I'm impressed :) It's great to hear that you couldn't seem to stop reading, that makes me feel pretty good. I'm glad you read the stories in order, it's hard to understand how much the progress in SMH means when you haven't seen the struggle of TWL and TMA. I tried to incorporate a few cases but I'm really all about the emotions and the relationships, so I'm glad you liked that style as well. Hmm...since reality was what I was shooting for, it's nice to hear that word used. I knew everything couldn't just work out okay, sometimes things didn't go write and tho I hate writing the fallout, they come out stronger for getting through. And I had such fun making them all into a family. Tony was such mush for his little girl, I just loved imagining those parts. And T&Z, it was a rewarding journey to get where they ended up. lol...I could continue listening, it's such a thrill to get a detailed review like yours, so thank you for the time you took to write it. You're very welcome, I'm so glad you enjoyed the story. Thank you :)_

_beginning to end (TYF) - I liked getting to end the series off with 2 chapters since it started with just one in After Somalia. Did you get a chance to look at Snapshots? It just gives glimpses of the family throughout the years. Thanks again for the review! ~Aliyah_

_Skittles6 (WIACCD) - I was totally bummed that you didn't have PMs enabled so I couldn't reply to you directly, but at least I can hear. I'm glad you liked my version of what happened. I only did this tag for a friend who asked, but the response has been overwhelming. Thank you for taking the time to review :)_


	2. 4x2 Escaped

_A/N: Thanks for the response to the first chapter, I'm glad to see this idea intrigues you guys. I'm at Ch 10 right now, so if I can continue finding the time to write, you guys may get 2 updates a week - Sun and Wed. Plus, some of the chapters are kind of short, so one a week doesn't really sound fair. Also thought I should clarify for those who are wondering - characters you recognize from my Remnants of Somalia series won't show up until Part 7, and I'm writing this entire series under the impression that T&Z keep their marriage hidden from everyone for a long, long time. Any other questions, feel free to ask. Here's Ch 2! ~Aliyah_

The day had started just fine. Tony woke up beside his wife of two days, utterly content to watch her lay there with one hand tucked under her head, her lean body clothed in a thin, short black silk negligee. Unable to resist, he brought her back to wakefulness with a gentle kiss, grinning when a smile slowly formed on her lips. Tony lifted a curl away from her face. "Good morning."

Ziva blinked slowly. "Does that mean I am not dreaming?"

He rubbed his thumb over her shiny new rings. "This is definitely not a dream Zi."

She held up her left hand and stared thoughtfully at the gold circles. "But it is back to reality today, yes?"

Tony sighed. "I don't know how I'm going to sit beside you today and not give everything away the first time I look at you."

Ziva trailed her fingers over his chest. "Are you asking me to ignore you Tony?"

He caught her hand, pressing his lips to her palm. "No. But it's still going to be hard."

"I do not know why, my boss does not have rules against it."

Tony caressed her lower back. "Maybe not. But Gibbs isn't on a flight to Mexico yet and we don't know who's watching."

She rolled over and stretched leisurely, prodding his leg gently with her foot. "Come on, we will be late for work."

Tony curled his arm around her waist and dragged her close. "What good is it being the boss if you can't be a little late now and then?"

Ziva chuckled and kissed his collarbone. "Do you not think it will look a little suspicious if we both show up late?"

He sighed and buried his face in her neck. "Fine. But can we have a shower first?"

She pushed him away, laughing, and got out of bed. "We can have separate showers. I am not going to be responsible for you walking into the office looking like you had sex."

Tony pouted. "But it would fit with my reputation."

Ziva crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow. "Your fake reputation."

He slid his arms around her and captured her lips. "I love you. The rest is just for show okay?"

She gave in easily. "Alright."

Getting ready didn't take that long and the couple even got to have breakfast together before it was time to leave. They both felt a little strange leaving their rings in velvet boxes in the bedroom, but it couldn't be helped. They had a secret to keep and this one mattered even more than the last. Ziva took her car and Tony took his, arriving within minutes of each other but acting like they hadn't just spent the weekend in bed together.

Everything was going smoothly until Gibbs showed up, looking like he was on a mission. Tony immediately felt the tension creep up his spine and glanced at Ziva like she was his touchstone in the storm. She was equally confused, so they were left waiting to see what happened next. The news of Gibbs' temporary reassignment shook Tony's confidence in his abilities and made him more sarcastic than he had been recently.

When Ziva pointed out that Gibbs would tell them if he wanted them to know what was going on, Tony ran his fingers agitatedly through his hair. "Oh right, because he would never expect us to figure it out for ourselves."

Ziva's response was simply to lean back in her chair and stare at him, but later she stopped the elevator on the way to the lab and cornered him. "Are you worried Gibbs is going to want his old job back?"

Tony shoved his hands in his pockets. "No, I just..." Then he sighed, not bothering to hide anything from her. "Yes. I'm not ready to give this up Zi, being team leader. He gave it to me, he left, he shouldn't be allowed to just take it back."

Ziva stepped closer and let her hand fall down his chest, trying to draw out the tension practically radiating off of him. "I do not know what I can say to help."

His gaze dropped to her lips. "Don't say anything."

Responding to the need in his tone, Ziva met his mouth with hers, her lips parting willingly when Tony's kiss demanded as much of her as he could get. His hands came up to frame her face and Ziva slid her palm up to the back of his neck. Several long moments passed before they parted and Ziva's eyes fluttered open. "You should not be able to make me feel this way with only one touch."

Tony grinned. "I consider it an accomplishment."

Pleased to see some of the stress fading into the background, Ziva laughed. "Do not get a big head. I will not always make it so simple."

Tony shrugged, not the least bit repentant. "You love me though."

A smile touched her lips. "Yes, I do." Then she turned and set the elevator back in motion, not able to stop herself from leaning back into her new husband when he stepped behind her and hooked his fingers into her belt loops. She could definitely get used to this. And the scariest part was that it wasn't scary at all.

**NCIS**

When they were talking about Meals on Wheels at Mickey's house, Tony commented that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. Ziva absorbed that and turned to him as they packed their gear in the replacement car that had been delivered. "Is that why you married me Tony? Because I fed you?"

He glanced around, but McGee and Gibbs were still inside. "That and about a thousand other reasons."

Her eyes sparkled. "Such as?"

Tony looked her up and down. "Fishing for compliments Officer David?"

Ziva repeated the elevator eyes he'd given her and inched closer, looking up at him adoringly. "Yes."

He chuckled. "I married you because you are the most beautiful, intriguing and dangerous woman I've ever met. Because somehow, without me noticing, my world started to rise and set on your smile. I married you because you watch movies with me, threaten me just for fun, and yes, because you are a stellar cook. But also for your heart, which is so much bigger and more open than you let anyone see. I married you for the silky hair splayed across my pillow at night, for the strong arms wrapped around me when you let yourself be vulnerable, for the graceful way you walk through a room and pretend not to notice all the eyes that turn your way. I married you because I love you Ziva David." Tony shut the trunk lid and leaned one hip against it. "That's only about ten things, but I've got the rest of our lives to think up the other nine thousand nine hundred and ninety, assuming you put up with me that long."

A door slammed and footsteps were heard, so Ziva reluctantly moved back, but her whisper still reached his ears. "Yes, I think I will keep you."

He grinned even though Gibbs looked like a storm cloud and had a hard time concentrating back on the case, knowing Ziva was right behind him and probably smiling too. Hiding this would be harder than he'd ever imagined, but he'd do it if it meant he got to go home with his wife every night and spend his dreaming hours right by her side.

**NCIS**

The group dispersed after Tony's on purpose campfire because he'd heard them complain about that particular tradition. But Tony cornered Ziva in the alcove and frowned. "Are you really sick of the campfires?" He'd thought they were a rather genius idea.

Ziva crossed her arms. "If you did not eavesdrop, you would not hear things you do not like." Tony just looked at her and she sighed. "It was...difficult when we were dating. Now that we are married, it is very hard not to give anything away when we are so close. At least at separate desks there is not the same amount of temptation to...touch." The confession surprised him, because the old Ziva would rather do anything than admit to a weakness, but she'd just acknowledged that she was struggling with their new status as much as he was.

Tony's demeanor did a one-eighty and he smirked. "You want to touch me, huh Zee-vah?"

Ziva rose to the challenge and got in his space. "Would that be a problem, Agent DiNozzo?"

He chuckled. "Not a chance, I'm all yours."

She checked for prying eyes and quickly kissed his cheek. "Mmm...good answer. Maybe later." Flipping her hair over one shoulder, Ziva returned to her desk, leaving Tony to gather his composure before they were face to face again. This was a dangerous game to be playing, but he wouldn't change it for all the world.

**NCIS**

Just when it looked like things might be returning to normal, the team walked in Thursday morning to find Gibbs sitting where he always had, McGee and Tony's things dumped in boxes on their respective former desks, and Michelle Lee standing on the other side of the bullpen, as lost and confused as an orphaned child. After the initial shock wore off, it was business as usual, except there was nothing usual about it. The day dragged on and on with no case in sight, made even worse by the silence that hung like a pall over the usually welcoming space.

That, more than anything, concerned the Liaison Officer, because the one thing her partner could rarely be accused of was being quiet. And yet, for the entire ten hour workday, Tony barely said a word and his gaze, when it fell on Gibbs' reclaimed desk, was dark and stormy. Ziva was afraid to take her eyes off of him. No new case meant they actually left the office at a relatively normal hour and Ziva followed Tony to the elevator, planning to get him to talk by whatever means necessary.

He stopped her when she reached for the emergency switch and shook his head once. "Not here. Let's go home."

Ziva nodded and tucked her hand into his. Tony didn't let go until they walked in the door of their three bedroom bungalow. They'd gone house hunting immediately after their engagement and, surprisingly enough, found something they both liked by the end of the first week. The old tenants had moved out and the place was on the market, so they put in an offer and by the time they got married, the newlyweds had something that was theirs instead of hers or his. Between the money Ziva had saved working missions for Mossad as well as from her NCIS pay, and Tony's money from his mom, they'd been able to buy the little house in a quiet neighbourhood less than twenty minutes from the Navy Yard. Two days after moving in they were still unpacking and tripping over boxes and getting used to sharing the same space all the time, but it already felt like home and that was something neither of them took for granted.

Tony dropped his backpack by the door and went to the kitchen for a drink. As Ziva watched, he poured the amber liquid into a glass, then leaned over the counter and hung his head. She joined him and drew her hand slowly down his back, waiting. He would talk when he was ready, that much she had learned from experience. He sighed. "I wish I didn't have to go in tomorrow."

Ziva's brow furrowed. "Why?"

He turned slightly to glance at her. "I was good at my job Zi, I made a good team leader. And then Gibbs came back and it's like nothing I did mattered. I'm demoted, McGee's demoted, my newbie was sent back to the Legal Department." Tony ran a hand through his hair. "I feel...cheated."

She worried her lip with her teeth. "You would rather he did not come back?"

Tony slid slowly down the cupboards to sit on the floor, holding his head in his hands, elbows propped on his knees. "He should've talked to me. He should've asked how I felt about it. What if I didn't want to give up my job?"

Ziva crossed her legs and lowered herself beside him, gently scraping her fingers through his hair. "I am sorry Tony. I did not expect it to turn out like this." Part of her felt like she was to blame for calling Gibbs back to save her.

He looked up at her suddenly. "Jenny offered me a promotion, my own team. If I took it, would you come with me?" It was a lot to ask when their marriage was less than a week old, but he had to know.

Ziva's eyes widened. "Is it here at the Navy Yard?"

Tony shook his head. "Spain."

She blinked. "Oh." Then Ziva swallowed and forced a smile. "Congratulations. You deserve that."

He wouldn't let her look away. "Would you come Zi? My life isn't worth anything without you in it."

Ziva touched his hand. "It is not so simple Tony. I am a Mossad Liaison Officer here in DC. I am not an agent. I cannot just request a transfer. My father would want to know why and..."

Tony sighed. "And we can't afford that." He closed his eyes for a moment, then looked at her hopefully. "What if you became a citizen? And then an agent?"

She glanced at him sadly. "The process takes months Tony. And you know how I feel about Israel. I am proud to belong to that country. But it is hard now because I also belong in this one, with you. Besides, a promotion will not wait that long. When do you have to decide?"

Tony leaned his head back. "Jenny wants an answer by the end of the week."

Ziva fiddled with her sleeve, trying to dredge up the courage to sacrifice their life together for his happiness, if that's what it took. "What are you going to do?"

He pulled her into his arms, immediately quashing her fears. "There's no choice Zi. If you stay, I stay." Tony kissed her temple. "But it's going to be rough for awhile."

The relief Ziva felt was palpable, they really were in this together. She laid her palm over his heart. "I wanted Gibbs back because he is more than just my boss, but it was nice when there was only us." The strain of hiding their feelings, especially during this early stage of their marriage when Tony's deepening undercover assignment duties already added enough stress, was a burden they both felt.

"If he finds out and can't deal, I'll transfer to another team, at the Navy Yard if possible," he offered after awhile.

Ziva pressed herself into his side. "I hope it does not come to that."

"Yeah," Tony breathed out, "me too."

The floor wasn't a very comfortable place to stay for long, so eventually they had to move. Ziva pulled together something simple for dinner but Tony wasn't hungry. He spent some time alone in the office checking his options, but in the end gave up. Gibbs was back, apparently to stay. It looked like he'd just have to deal with it. Ziva got ready for bed when he did and held him that night, offering the only comfort she could think of, and hoped things would look better in the morning, somehow.

_Reply:_

_Sarah (MIT1) - you're welcome as always :) Oh man, I've watched that last few minutes of Shiva so many times! Thank goodness for clips on YouTube! lol. Someone else mentioned the similarity to TWL, tho I still wish she'd let him stay. When he held her hand, I almost melted. I'm glad you like the beginning of this new series. It's funny how many little moments work in my favour, if I just tweak them a bit so this new perspective works. I'm having fun with it. Originally I didn't have Z telling him about Ari, but that's a pretty big secret and their marriage already has enough challenges, so I'm glad she told him, but it's also nice the way T handled her confession. haha...you're not the only one who liked the ninja Ziva scene, I could totally see her doing that. Oh man, this undercover assignment. I'm just starting to get into it a little more, and the tension it's causing. Of course there are certain things I'll have to change about it, but we'll still see enough about hwo it affects them. Thanks for reviewing!_


	3. 4x3 Singled Out

_A/N: So in case anyone is wondering, T&Z have been married for two weeks at this point. I know it's short, but Sunday's will be much longer, I promise. Enjoy! :) ~Aliyah_

McGee was having far too much fun playing with the MorphPro software and he grinned when a thought hit him. "Gee, I wonder what would happen if you two hooked up?"

Tony and Ziva exchanged glances and Ziva examined her nails. "He would probably die a slow and painful death," she commented calmly and Tim chuckled until Tony cuffed him on the back of the head.

"Focus Probie, missing woman to find."

Not too much later Tony and Ziva were left alone in the bullpen to brainstorm and Ziva started doing her ballet stretches. He couldn't, and didn't, try to help the fact that his eyes were immediately drawn to her nice firm backside. Tony was so busy studying his wife's body, that he jumped when Ziva murmured, "Are you trying to get us caught?" as she slowly straightened.

He was struck speechless and gaped at her. "How...how did you see that?"

Ziva made a face. "I felt your eyes on me."

Tony looked to the side. "How did you know it was me?"

She smirked. "You have been watching me for more than a year. I can tell because your gaze is familiar."

He stared at her warily. "Remind me not to get on your bad side."

Ziva chuckled. "It would never do to forget that I was trained as an assassin. However, I doubt I will ever have to use my skills on you."

Tony's expression when from unsure to suggestive in the space of a heartbeat. "Oh, I would be totally okay with you putting your impressive...talents on display for me Officer David."

Gibbs' appearance in the squadroom left Ziva with no option but to close her mouth and glare at her husband. Tony knew he'd probably pay for the comment later, but goading her was so much fun he just couldn't resist. Besides, half the fun of fighting was making up afterwards.

**NCIS**

Ziva looked like a geek. It was amazing how much dowdy clothes and horrendous glasses, along with the plainest Jane hairstyle he'd seen since his last interview with the lady JAG lawyer that hated him, could disguise even the most beautiful of women. It was clear that they'd found the elusive chink in Ziva's armour. As much as the Israeli was accustomed to using her body and her looks to get what she needed, she'd rarely, if ever, had a need to disguise them. And the way she tugged at the jacket sleeves and fidgeted in the old lady pumps told him just how uncomfortable she was with this assignment. No one looking at her would ever know she was the most deadly weapon they could ever come up against.

The catch was that he had to sit at the bar in the hotel and watch her flirt with a couple dozen men over the course of an hour. She was entirely out of her element and a little off her game, but eventually Ziva warmed to the role and was able to continue getting the fingerprints they needed. When she offered to take home the man who was their main suspect, he immediately got up to follow them, managing to overhear the vehement threat she issued when he touched her inappropriately. Truth be told, he felt like punching the suspect himself, no one else got to lay hands on his wife, but now was not the time to be staking a claim.

It was only after they were home that night and Ziva was back to her beautiful, unguarded self, lazing on the couch with a glass of red wine in one hand, that Tony dared to broach the subject. "That was some threat you made to the guy who grabbed your butt," he commented, waiting for her reaction.

She surveyed him slowly, an easy smile on her lips. "Only your hands are allowed on my body now ahava, is that not how you prefer it?"

Tony grinned. "Oh yeah." He slid a little closer. "Does that mean I'm not in danger of being beaten to death with my own appendages if I touch you?"

Ziva crooked her finger at him. "You will just have to come over here and find out."

He caught her hand and pressed a kiss to the back as he set her glass on the coffee table and slowly moved his body to cover hers, maneuvering so they were laying down. "I'll take my chances."

Fully relaxed and pleasantly fuzzy from the effects of the alcohol, Ziva's response was to kiss him leisurely and when his hands slipped under her shirt to caress her smooth skin, her only reaction was to melt into him a little bit further. There was absolutely no reason to complain about an evening at home making out with her husband and being treated like the most important person in his world. Ziva had never felt so cherished as she did in that moment.

_Sarah (MIT2) - I'm glad to hear it, we've got a long way to go. lol, someone else suggested the reasons T married her should become a running thing in the series. I'm considering it, very sweet idea. Keeping the secret makes things simpler and yet infinitely more complicated at the same time. I've already done scenes about Jenny's death and Somalia, them being married changes things in a huge way. I just felt like T always got passed over, y'know? We were all like 'yay! Gibbs is back' and no one stopped to consider T, like what he did never even mattered. At least he has Z. I'm glad you liked T's decision. He's loyal, that one. They're lucky to have each other. Thanks for reviewing Sarah! :)_


	4. 4x4 Faking It

McGee and Ziva got off the elevator having a mild argument. They got to Tony's desk and McGee faced his co-worker. "Ziva thinks that all men are liars."

"Really?" Tony looked far too interested for McGee's peace of mind. "So if, uh, I were to lie to you, you would be able to tell?"

Ziva looked him over and chuckled. "Particularly you." Living with someone and spending practically all your time together had its advantages.

Tony raised his eyebrows. "You think?"

It was obvious he was taking that as a personal challenge and Tim felt it was his duty to warn the man. "Wouldn't go there Tony."

He was focused completely on Ziva. "Watch and weep McGullible. True or false, I had eggs for breakfast this morning."

Ziva studied him briefly. "True." It wasn't actually that hard, Tony had made their breakfast this morning - eggs on toast with fresh squeezed orange juice.

Tony shrugged. "Lucky guess." Ziva moved closer and he smiled. "Last night I had a date with a very beautiful woman."

"False," she announced, examining her fingernails. Though there was a slight smile on her face, she took the compliment the way her husband meant it.

Tony pretended to be taken aback. "She's good." He was disappointed though, because they had been on a date last night and he wanted to flaunt it. He crossed his arms. "My first car was a shiny new red corvette."

"False!" Ziva declared gleefully almost before he finished the sentence. She knew for certain that if he were telling the truth, there would be a framed picture of sixteen year old Tony DiNozzo somewhere in the apartment she'd spent many hours in or the house they now shared. "Strike three, I win."

Acting as if he were completely bewildered by her skills, Tony stared at Ziva. "How did-how did you do that?" Ziva pointed a finger at him. "When you said you had a red corvette, you looked down and to the left - a tell-tale sign when people lie."

Tony narrowed his eyes at her. "And the date?"

She snorted. "Tony, if you had gone out with a beautiful woman last night, you would have talked about it all day."

He tried to seem surprised. "I would?" Tony stared into his wife's eyes, wondering if she knew how much he'd love to talk about her all day, and stifled the urge to tell her it's only morning and this is the first work conversation they've had, so he hasn't had time to brag yet. But none of that could be spoken out loud, unfortunately.

McGee joined Ziva's side, agreeing. "Oh yeah."

"Okay," Tony conceded to her powers while still keeping up the charade, "but how could you possibly know that I had eggs for breakfast this morning?"

Gibbs walked by on his way to the elevator. "DiNozzo, you've got egg on your shirt."

Tony looked down and sighed, then stopped Ziva before she left the bullpen. "You couldn't've mentioned that earlier?"

Z smiled and patted cheek. "And ruin the game?"

Tony stole a quick kiss since they were just out of sight. "Point to the lady."

**NCIS**

The team was debating reasons for the large amount of change found in the victim's car and one of the ideas was laundry money. Tony snapped a picture. "I do it once a week." At the look on McGee's face he shook his head and clarified. "Laundry." He cast a glance at his partner and her expression implied that Ziva was thinking something far less clean.

When they got back from the office, Tony caught her away from the others and raised an eyebrow. "Once a week?"

Ziva shook her head and smirked. "Would you last that long Tony?"

He snorted. "Not with you in my bed every night."

Ziva looked him over. "Perhaps I am not in the mood this time."

Tony surveyed her lazily. "Is that so?" Clearly this was a challenge that needed to be taken up. There was no more time to talk because Gibbs was getting off the back elevator after meeting with Ducky, but that didn't mean he couldn't put his overactive imagination to good use.

In the interview with their possible suspect, Tony took them back to their first conversation. "Women want men to lie to them."

Ziva didn't agree. "Not true."

So of course, he had to illustrate his point. "Honey, does my butt look big in these pants to you? Actually, yeah sweetheart, your butt looks as big as Alabama. I didn't want to say anything, but you've got the Bama butt going on. See? You want us to lie to you, so we do. Especially if your butt is as big as Bama." Ziva turned to look at him and Tony had the sudden feeling that he'd screwed himself. "Not that-not that your butt is big. I mean, not that I've even looked."

She scoffed. "Oh, liar!"

Tony conceded her point. "Okay, I have looked. But I never-"

Ziva looked at him. "Never what?"

Tony smiled. "Oh no. I'm catching onto you. You're not going to get me to say something and then do your little Mossad true or false trick. I'm too smart for that."

She chuckled. "Of course you are."

Before he could say anything that might dig his hole a little deeper, Gibbs came in and asked Ziva about the languages she spoke. Tony had to admit, it was all kinds of hot listening to her go through the list trying to get a reaction from the suspect, and that's when he decided it was time to test her theory of not being in the mood.

All day as they hunted down leads, talked to Abby, watched or participated in interrogations, and studied whatever McGee was putting up on the plasma screen, Tony pushed the boundaries of what they'd deemed acceptable while in public. If he was standing behind her, his fingers would sneak under the hem of her shirt to caress her lower back. If they were in the elevator he would take the opportunity to plant tiny kisses along her neck. If she was sitting on his desk, his hand slowly rubbed her leg. If they were sitting at their own desks, he stared at her suggestively any time their eyes met and the smouldering glances he got in return told Tony his message was getting through. When they stood in Observation, he whispered only bedroom appropriate stuff in her ear, sometimes in English, sometimes in Italian, just to see the way she tried to hide her reaction.

Finally Ziva had enough and cornered him in the men's room, checking to be sure they were alone before locking the doors. She fit her body against his, letting her hands do their own wandering as she kissed his neck and sucked on his earlobe. Even with as much of an affect as she was having on him, Tony wasn't ready to give in so easily. "I thought you weren't in the mood." The words came out a little breathless.

Ziva grinned and kissed him passionately enough to bring all his thoughts to a screeching halt. "I lied," she whispered against his lips.

That was enough to completely shatter any self-control Tony had left and suddenly he was kissing her like in the hotel room when they were undercover, his hands holding her face as Ziva's roamed over his chest and back. He moved to hold her tightly as their mouths met and melded over and over again. Tony couldn't stop himself from sliding his fingers under her shirt and running them up her sides as his lips trailed down her neck and Ziva moaned softly, sending Tony's thoughts places not safe for work. Finally they broke apart to catch their breath, staring into each other's eyes.

He kissed her softly once more. "A preview of coming attractions, so you have something to look forward to Ms. David." His tone was incredibly intimate and Ziva brushed her fingers over his jaw.

"Until tonight then, Mr. DiNozzo." Then she slipped out of his grasp and was gone to the women's room to compose herself. It took Tony more than a few minutes to make himself focus back on the case, but every time he caught Ziva's gaze, he knew that tonight was never far from both their minds. And Tony planned to make it well worth her wait.

**NCIS**

It was long enough after lovemaking that Tony and Ziva were almost asleep, content in the shadow of passion and exquisite release they never ceased to find together. Heaving a sigh, Tony brushed back Ziva's sweaty curls from where she lay on his chest and kissed the top of her head. He hated to break the peace and perhaps shatter the relatively simply life of the last month together, but this couldn't wait.

"We have to talk Zi."

The tension that gripped her body was unmistakable and for several heartbeats Ziva barely breathed. Then she sat up with the sheet held against her chest and looked at him. "Is something wrong?"

Tony reached for her left hand and rubbed his thumb over the empty space on her ring finger, a habit he'd picked up whenever the topic was serious. "Director Shepard called me up to her office while you and McGee were out looking for the bullet today."

Ziva's fingers clenched around his, as if she suddenly understood what was coming. "And?" She didn't meet his eyes.

He swallowed. "Remember that conversation we had after getting engaged? What would happen if this assignment went a certain direction?

Her eyes shadowed and a whispered plea of, "No," slipped out. But of anyone, Ziva David understood orders.

Tony tipped her chin up. "I don't want to honey, believe me on this. But it wasn't a question. I've been instructed to get close to La Grenouille's daughter." He dragged a hand down his face. "Jenny wants me to start dating her."

Tears filled Ziva's eyes because after what they'd just shared, after a month of loving each other and having something stable and constant for once in her life, she couldn't bear the thought of her husband in another woman's arms. The look on her face broke Tony's heart and he pulled her down against him, surrounding her in his embrace. "I'm so sorry sweetheart. I wish...I wish I'd never taken this stupid assignment in the first place. I was so eager to prove I could be just as good as Gibbs that I never stopped to consider the consequences."

Ziva's finger on his lips silenced his next words and her mouth covered his gently, forgiving through the caress. He could taste the salt on her skin and it nearly undid him. "Zi..."

She shook her head. "I understand Tony. I do not like the thought of you...with someone else. But I trust your promise and I will try very hard to support you in this."

Tony kissed her again, trying to convey how grateful he was for her reaction. "Thank you honey. I know it's...a lot to ask after only one month, and I know it won't be easy. But if I'm coming home to you, nothing else matters."

Ziva traced his lips with the tip of an index finger. "What would we do about work?"

He sighed. "I guess we'll have to up our acting skills, react the way we would have before this."

She thought about it. "So you will be secretive and act differently, and I will be curious and concerned, and no one should be able to tell the difference."

Tony nodded. "We'll play off each other like usual and remember that no matter what words we say or hear, the only ones that count are the ones used when we're alone."

Ziva curled up against him, dragging the blanket up over them to combat both their cooling bodies and the chill in her heart. She listened to Tony's heart beat and tried not to dread what the morning would bring. Tomorrow things would begin to change.

_Sarah (MIT3) - you're welcome. I'm glad you liked the chapter, short as it was. I had fun describing Z's outfit. I love the word cherish, in wedding vows and in regular language. So I like working it into things. Thanks for reviewing! :)_


	5. 4x5 Dead and Unburied

Tony and Ziva were, for the moment, alone in the squadroom and brainstorming questions about their latest case. Their questions were put up on the plasma as they tried to formulate answers. Ziva's second question, where is the money? piqued Tony's interest.

"Maybe in Siri's engagement ring. I gotta bring this down to Abby." He joined her, leaning on the desk and putting them in very close proximity.

"I can save you an elevator trip," she informed him, taking his hand in both of hers and blowing on the ring.

"Ohh, that's nice," Tony commented, his focus straying to her lips.

Trying to stay professional, Ziva explained. "It is creating condensation. On a real diamond it evaporates immediately." She made no move to let go of him.

"It's uh, staying."

"Because it is a fake."

Tony didn't look convinced. "Give it one more try, just to make sure."

Ziva made a face. "I am not blowing on you again. You are very distracted already." She went back to their questions but Tony just kept getting closer, taking up residence in her personal space as only he was allowed to do. Still, it surprised Ziva when he put his arms around her in order to type on the keyboard. But as there were no witnesses, she allowed herself to lean back into him just a bit, breathing in his scent and enjoying having his full attention. After a couple minutes when Tony didn't move, Ziva turned slightly and spoke in a low voice.

"Did you want to be a little more obvious about invading my space?"

Tony fought the urge to drop his head to her shoulder and whispered, his breath tickling the back of her ear. "You really think I'm going to give up the opportunity to be this close to you when no one else is around?"

Ziva brushed her fingers over the veins in his hand. "It is not safe. G-"

He cut her off. "Look, I feel lousy already because of this assignment. You think I want to be dating her? It took me a month to get that close and I've dreaded every minute. I feel like I'm cheating on you every time I'm with her. Please don't deny me the brief chances I get to be with you like this."

She swallowed, hating his confession even as she appreciated his honesty. "I am not trying to deny you my love, but we are keeping this secret for a reason."

Tony breathed out hard and closed his eyes. "I know."

They stayed quiet for many moment, basking in the presence of their other half, until the elevator dinged. Then Tony kissed her neck to watch her squirm and subtly moved away. Every second they had together lately was a stolen moment and he was already tired of playing games. Trying to be happy shouldn't be so hard.

**NCIS**

At the end of the day Tony was feeling very disgusted with the male race. First the guy lies and conspires to pull the wool over all four ladies' eyes, then he steals from them, not to mention buying fake engagement rings and having an affair with a married woman. He leaned back in his chair after the others were gone, watching Ziva finish her report. "Why do women bother ever trusting men? We're all selfish jerks."

She tilted her head, hearing the disdain in his voice. "Not all," came her answer after a moment of thought. "And I for one, do not give my trust away easily."

He drummed his fingers on the desk. "Was it worth it?"

Ziva smiled slightly. "So far it is proving to be one of my better decisions, yes."

"So the guy who gets your trust should feel...honoured?" Tony inquired.

She leaned on her hands and looked at him. "I suppose he should. It does not happen often."

He lifted his chin. "You still think there are guys out there worthy of trust?"

Ziva touched her ring finger, sending a silent message. "I can think of at least one."

Tony swallowed, not certain he deserved the gift she'd given him. But he was determined, somehow, to make it worth the risk.

_Sarah - thanks :) I'm glad you liked the chapter. There is definitely a lot of tension and stress coming because of T's assignment. Them being married totally makes things more complicated and puts extra pressure on T. It's not easy at all, for either one of them, but I think of any two people they're just stubborn enough to make it. Thanks for reviewing! :)_


	6. 4x6 Witch Hunt

_A/N: Extra update because this one is so short. I've also made the decision to skip a couple episodes that don't have enough T&Z content for me to work with, so I'm going to speed up the end of the season by about a month (ie. In story time it will end in April instead of May). Just in case anybody cares to know. Also, I'd like to address a concern that has been raised - please everyone remember that I love my characters dearly, but they still have to follow my rules. No one in my stories willingly sleeps with someone they're not married to. So yes, a few details here and there will have to change to accommodate that. Also, anyone who's followed one of my stories knows that I love and adore my un-signed in/anonymous reviewers, and it would be awesome if you guys would leave a name of some sort so I can reply to your comments. I hope you're all still enjoying this, thanks for the support, encouragement and lovely comments! You are fabulous readers! :) ~Aliyah_

Tony DiNozzo did not like Halloween. Ever since he became a cop, weird stuff happened. But General Custer bleeding out on Cleopatra's kitchen floor, that was a new one. He was busy taking the witness statement and looked up in surprise when he realized she'd started flirting with him. And really, he only noticed because Ziva was giving the woman one of her 'if looks could kill' stares. Tony met her eyes to calm her down and could tell she was pleased by the rather stunned expression he was wearing.

He sometimes forgot that he looked available. Ziva had owned his heart for so many months now and he was already juggling her and his undercover assignment, there was definitely no room for anything else. Tony managed to steal a kiss on their way back to the van, grateful for the cover of darkness, and whispered a reassurance in her ear that she was the only one he wanted. Ziva's answering smile made the danger of getting caught worth it.

**NCIS**

Later, when Ziva lost the little girl's mother and the mother's sister and was treated to Gibbs' displeasure, because of course the man never made mistakes, Tony wished he could offer his wife some form of support. But with the others watching he had to settle for a long look and squeezing her elbow in passing. He was glad it was them who found the missing princess because that seemed to lift Ziva's self-induced burden of guilt and responsibility.

He watched her back at the office as they all found candy to drop in the trick or treat basket, saw the small smile on her lips that seemed to indicate a soft spot for children. Or perhaps it was just remembering the little sister she lost. Either way, Tony wanted to ask her about it. But when they got home Ziva disappeared into the bathroom and left him to his own devices without explanation.

While he waited, Tony dug through his collection for the Halloween movies he used to watch in his younger days. It started with _Hocus Pocus_ and included _Casper_, _The Ghost and Mr. Chicken_ and even an Olsen Twins flick. Ziva was gone forty-five minutes and Tony was just getting up to check on her when the bathroom door opened and Ziva lounged in the doorway dressed authentically in Princess Leia's slave girl costume, complete with braided hair, gold bikini, arm and wristbands, and the maroon coloured silk hanging between her legs to keep it from being totally indecent.

She gave him a decidedly less than innocent smile and raised an eyebrow. "See something you like Tony?" He licked his lips but still couldn't form any words as his eyes drank in every inch of her bared tan skin. Ziva moved slowly towards him and looped her arms around his neck. "Still think Halloween is all bad?" she purred as he eagerly ran his hands over her body.

Tony snorted and kissed her hard, feeling her grin against his mouth. If this was what Halloween looked like, then by all means, bring it on.

_Guest (MIT5) - Thanks :) I'm glad you're enjoying it, that's really nice to hear. I'm already at ep 19 so there's lots more to come! Thanks for reviewing!_

_Jeda09 - I think it was more that T was feeling very disgusted with the actions of one guy and is trying to figure out why women even bother trusting. I think with Tony in a relationship with another woman (even if it's fake) there will always be some heartbreak for Z, but it won't be like what you're thinking. I have kind of strict rules my characters have to follow - the biggest two are no swearing, and no sex unless they're married. Hopefully that helps. Thanks for reviewing!_


	7. 4x7 Sandblast

_A/N: Hey guys! Thanks for all the reviews and comments, I love hearing what everyone's thinking about this series. Just a heads up that the next 3 chapters are going to be on the short side, but that also means I'm updating Sun/Wed/Fri. And then I promise I make up for that with the length of Ch 10, 11 and 12. Thanks for sticking around! ~Aliyah_

The night following the bombing at the Army-Navy club, Tony sat in a small café with Jeanne, quizzing her on information for her upcoming test. They were still a relatively new couple, not taking things too fast and not getting too involved yet. When Jeanne asked how he'd stayed single, Tony tried not to take the question seriously, but she insisted so he leaned back.

"I guess I am patiently waiting to find the right woman."

Jeanne looked at him with hope in her eyes. "Do you think you'll ever find her?"

He smiled. "I'm growing more confident by the day." Tony hid his discomfort under the easy going manner of Professor DiNardo, but it made him feel icky saying stuff like that. He'd found the right woman, he loved his wife and every day left him more confident that they'd made the right choice to take this chance.

When he got home that night, he dropped his keys in the dish by the door and toed off his shoes. Ziva glanced up from her book when he flopped on the couch and closed his eyes. Being two people was exhausting. "Just a kiss on the cheek," he reported wearily, trying to gauge his wife's mood. It was a Hebrew book tonight, which either meant she simply wanted something that reminded her of home, or she was retreating. He hoped it wasn't the latter.

Ziva stared at him for a long moment, then finally set her book and mug aside and moved until she was standing behind him. She placed her hands on his shoulders and began kneading the stress away. Tony groaned and bent over a little to give her access to his back. Ziva complied and soon her strong fingers were searching out and breaking up all the knots. When she finished, she rubbed his neck and kissed his head before returning to her previous spot.

Tony watched her, not liking the silence but appreciating so much the ways she looked after him. Taking a chance, Tony stretched out and settled his head in her lap. Ziva smiled slightly and worked her fingers through his hair as she read. Sighing, Tony drew a series of letters on her jean clad thigh over and over until Ziva put her book aside and leaned down to kiss him gently.

"I love you too," she whispered and Tony greedily drank in everything she was giving him. They stayed that way, kissing and touching but not really needing to talk, until it was time for bed. Giving into the need in his eyes, Ziva agreed to a hot shower and they crawled under the blankets warm and comfortable and still okay. Before he let sleep overtake him, Tony wove his fingers with Ziva's and kissed her shoulder, reminding himself one more time that this - them - was what was real.

**NCIS**

Tony was more than a little annoyed when Ziva darted back into the warehouse after Gibbs ordered everyone out. He grabbed her arm as she shed her NCIS windbreaker and looked up at the large bomb above them. "Ziva, hey, what the heck are you doing?"

She pulled away, focused on her mission. "I can disarm it."

He couldn't believe what he was hearing, though he shouldn't've been surprised. "Okay, well great. Let's go outside and talk about this."

Ziva was already climbing boxes and equipment to reach the beams. "If it detonates before EOD gets here, we will lose evidence."

Tony started after her, drawn by something stronger than self-preservation. "Well what a bummer, it would be a real shame. Ziva, Ziva! Argh," he groaned, "this has to be the stupidest thing any human being has ever done!"

Ziva shimmied along the rafters like she'd been born in a tree. "Then why are you following me Tony?"

Tony sat down across from her perch. "I don't freaking know! Maybe because you're my wife and I'd kinda like to keep you in one piece. Did you ever think about that?"

She shoved the phone at him. "Here, hold this."

Tony looked down at the device. "Do you have any idea what is going to happen if this cell phone rings?" Ziva shook out her hands, reigning in the nervous tension and didn't answer. Hoping to distract her from the gravity of the situation, he let his eyes drift away from her face. "I can see down your shirt right now."

She rolled her eyes. "I do not think that is an appropriate topic of conversation for work."

Tony played innocent. "What are you talking about? I know nothing about anything inappropriate."

Ziva snorted. "Of course you do not. What would you wife say about that Agent DiNozzo?"

He couldn't tear his eyes away from her knife tracing the paths of the criss-crossing wires. "I hope she'd take it as a compliment. I certainly can't complain about the view."

She raised an eyebrow. "Is that so? See anything good?"

Tony grinned. "Yeah, real good, but I'm not entirely sure that's the last thing I want to see before I-" Ziva cut the wire and he breathed out the last word, "die."

Ziva chuckled and zipped her shirt up. "Really? That is not the answer I expected." She tilted her head to one side. "What is the last thing you would want to see?"

He leaned over and captured her lips. "You Zi, just you looking in my eyes and telling me you love me." Then he hugged her tightly, relief making him extra grateful.

She tapped his cheek lightly. "Good answer. I would want the same."

Tony took her hand to help her down and they went to tell the others.

**NCIS**

That night Tony leaned against the side of his car as he waited for Jeanne to come out on her break. He smiled fondly at the pictures of Ziva he'd snapped yesterday when they were having a tickle fight on the livingroom floor. She looked so young and carefree when she laughed, he just wanted to hold onto that image forever. The doctor came out and he flipped his work phone shut before taking her hand so they could go for a short walk. They talked and laughed but everything felt fake. That was his life lately and two months later he could only hope it wouldn't last a whole lot longer. There was only so much pretending he could take.

**NCIS**

The adrenaline of the past couple days was taking longer to bleed off than usual, which was why Tony and Ziva were walking slowly down a tree lined street instead of curled up on the couch at home. So far Ziva had been silent, but when Tony reached out and took her hand, she suddenly looked at him. "Why did you stay?"

He frowned. "When?"

Her brow furrowed. "With me, today when there were seconds left. And yesterday, when I was disarming the first bomb."

Tony stopped and faced her. "What else did you expect me to do?"

"You could have died twice in the same week." She clearly didn't understand.

His lips quirked up into a grin. "I guess that's where 'til death do us part' comes in."

Ziva sighed in frustration, needing him to be serious. "Tony..."

"Hey, Zi," he cut her off, "do you remember that verse you quoted at our wedding - wherever you go, I will go? I said it back, I meant it. Today was just putting it into practice." Tony tightened his fingers on hers. "We cut it a little close though. Five seconds, that's all that stood between us and six feet of dirt on a coffin lid." He slid his arms around her for a brief but tight hug. "I've never been so glad for your awesome Mossad ninja skills."

Something akin to wonder entered Ziva's eyes and she glanced at their joined hands. "I could feel you there, kneeling behind me. I did not have time to look, but your presence was a comfort. Thank you."

Tony tipped her chin up and kissed her lips softly. "Anytime." Then he made a face. "Okay, I really hope you don't make a habit of stepping into situations with bombs. But even if you did, I'd still be right by your side. It's where I belong."

Ziva slid her arms around his waist and leaned into the strength he offered. Tony's love was a safe haven she'd never expected to find.

_Sarah - you're welcome :) I'm glad you're enjoying the chapters. haha...I can totally see Z pulling off the Princess Leia look. No, I'm definitely doing my own spin on the Jeanne assignment. Not to say that there won't be kissing and dates etc., but it's certainly not going to get to the 'breaking wedding vows' part. It's funny, because G seems to care very much for Ziva, but in a couple episodes, like this one and Jeopardy, he totally blows her off. It annoys me. But he's G, who's going to argue with him? Thanks for reviewing Sarah! :)_


	8. 4x8 Once a Hero

Scanning the room for anything out of the ordinary, Ziva caught her husband reaching for food on the buffet table. Elbowing him, she hissed without turning around, "You would think I did not just feed you an hour and a half ago!"

Tony shrugged and blew on the back of her neck. "What can I say? I have a fast metabolism."

Ziva rolled her eyes. "I do not know where you put it all."

He stared intently at her shapely body hidden under the business suit. It wasn't often he saw Ziva in heels, by long habit her dress code was far too practical for that. "I have a feeling burning off the extra calories is not going to be a problem."

She stepped back into him. "Are you propositioning me Agent DiNozzo?"

Tony's hand grazed her lower back. "Mmhmm. I'm thinking a nice dinner somewhere, then home for some wine to help us relax. And if getting you drunk leads to other physical activities, I'm perfectly okay with that too."

Ziva snorted. "Of course you are." It was a good thing they were well matched as far as desire went, because otherwise she would have one very frustrated husband on her hands.

The next thing Tony knew Ziva was tackling Director Shepard to the ground and their day went from a simple protection detail to the usual order of trying to find out how a man had died. When Gibbs told him to stop eating the evidence and then instructed him to take the stairs instead of the elevator, Tony wondered if the man had somehow overheard his and Ziva's earlier conversation. It was impossible, of course, Gibbs hadn't been in the room, but their team leader had powers none of them dared to question and it made the senior field agent nervous. Hiding secrets from Gibbs was not a wise choice and heaven knew he held too many in his current hand.

Back at the office Ziva had changed into normal clothes and her hair was down. Tony couldn't help but appreciate the softer look, as well as the gentle waves he loved to run his fingers through as they lay in bed at night, and early in the mornings before she woke up. He had a feeling Ziva often pretended to be asleep just so he could play with her hair, but he wouldn't dream of asking to find out for sure. It was too enjoyable to watch her in such a peaceful, unguarded state and he didn't want to ruin those moments he was learning to cherish.

Ziva noticed that her husband seemed troubled when he entered the hotel room and laid eyes on the young woman's body. He couldn't seem to look away and she knew he was thinking the girl was too young to die. Perhaps he was even thinking of the many innocents he'd been too late to save during his days as a cop. Few people knew it, but Tony kept all the losses and failures inside himself, unable to completely let them go, always feeling as if he should have done more and kept them from harm. It was a habit she continued to try to break him of, because he was too good a man to suffer under the weight of undeserved burdens.

**NCIS**

Later, Tony sat at his desk and closed his eyes for a brief moment. From across the bullpen he heard his partner's voice, the casual tone not reflecting the deep care he knew she felt. "You okay?"

He attempted to look at least somewhat awake. "Never better."

Ziva wasn't deterred by the brush-off. "You look run over."

Tony controlled the urge to laugh at her and responded immediately. "The term is 'run down'." Then he paused. "I do?" An ejected CD worked as an immediate way to check his appearance against her words.

She leaned forward. "Maybe you need servicing."

His look clearly asked if she was offering her services, but Ziva was smarter than that and refused to fall for his bait, so Tony settled for a lecture instead. "Clearly we're still having some difficulties with the idiosyncrasies of the English language."

"The finely tuned engine, I think you called it," she repeated his words from earlier, then her amusement faded. "You should see a doctor."

Like a doctor could do anything for his current ailment. "I've had enough of doctors," Tony muttered darkly, still examining his reflection until his cell phone rang. He was momentarily confused, opening his work phone only to hear another ring that sent him digging through his jacket pockets for the secondary phone that belonged to his undercover alias. "Hello?"

He smiled at the sound of Jeanne's voice for two reasons. First, if he didn't it would be obvious in his tone. And second, sometimes he really liked the way she sounded so carefree. As much as being a doctor wasn't all sunshine and rainbows, she was still largely protected from the darkness he and the team faced on a regular basis. Then she asked to meet him later and Tony had to agree. When he hung up, he saw Ziva's attempt to pretend she hadn't been eavesdropping. He knew it was never easy for her to hear him making plans with the 'other woman' but neither one of them currently had a choice. So Tony headed out with a joke, hoping that leaving now wouldn't ruin the mood of their entire day. He didn't want to miss any more opportunities to be close to her.

**NCIS**

At a coffee stand near Jeanne's apartment, she was smiling at him and suggesting dancing. He hesitated, looking at his watch, and thought about trying to pull the work card, but she wasn't willing to swallow that one so he conceded. "Tonight dancing, tomorrow work."

Jeanne glanced at him. "You don't look too happy about that."

Tony distracted her with an arm around her shoulders and a charming smile. There was no way he could explain to her that now he'd have to blow off both Gibbs and Ziva to go out with her. He had really been looking forward to going out with his wife as a break from the case, if Gibbs let them leave the building. But now that plan was shot and he wondered how forgiving a new wife could be expected to be when she was already sharing her husband with another woman.

**NCIS**

Ziva seemed rather unimpressed when she dropped the stack of surveillance tapes from the hotel in front of him, but she still invaded his space to sit on the edge of the desk while he popped the first one in. She jumped and scooted over a bit to maintain at least the air of a professional distance from him as soon as Gibbs' voice came from behind them, but didn't actually leave. When he took off for the lab, Tony turned slightly.

"I'm afraid I have bad news."

She played with one of the buttons on her coat. "The doctor booked you for a later appointment?"

He sighed. "Yeah. I'm sorry babe, I really wanted to spend time together tonight."

Ziva shrugged, acting as if it was unimportant, but Tony knew she felt let down and while he knew fixing it wasn't possible, he planned to stay as near to her as possible for the rest of the day.

Trying to make it appear casual, Tony later sat beside Ziva on her desk while they talked with Gibbs, close enough that they were rubbing shoulders. His goal was to attempt to make up for the disappointment of canceling with as many looks and touches as he could sneak in behind the bossman's back. They shared a glance when kissing was mentioned and Tony determined to corner her somewhere before the end of the day to try and wipe that expression off her face. But then Gibbs took Ziva with him to Interrogation and he was left alone with the surveillance tapes. Another opportunity presented itself when he did the unthinkable and interrupted Gibbs to show him the hotel footage. Standing next to Ziva with their boss on the other side let him rest his hand on his wife's lower back while no one was paying attention.

Once Gibbs had the truth they began brainstorming what could be done with Davy Chen and Tony was feeling uncomfortable with the facts Ziva laid out about slave traders. He had the sudden, unwelcome thought that perhaps she knew so much because at one time, a mission had required her to be involved in the sex trade as a victim. And that was the last thing he wanted to picture - Ziva letting herself be taken advantage of if that's what it took to catch those in charge.

He regretted his words the moment he suggested sending someone in undercover and Ziva volunteered. Even knowing she was a weapon all by herself, he still wanted to shake her because these were dangerous men and she was all he had. The relief Tony felt when Gibbs immediately shut her down was intense, and he was glad the boss had Lee in mind for the job instead, thought he was concerned about her lack of field experience. To hear that Ziva would be her back up was a little reassuring, but he still wished it was him, wanting to keep his wife out of harm's way as much as possible, even if she hated him for that desire.

At least he had the moments in the elevator on their way down to be close to her, because once on the scene Ziva stayed with Gibbs while Tony covered the back. Since there wasn't any danger where he was, Tony occupied himself with thinking how good Ziva looked in that particular pair of jeans and marveling again at how fast she could get her hair done up when a mission required it to be pulled back, while he listened to the chatter over the earwigs.

Despite a few tense minutes when they weren't entirely sure what had happened to Agent Lee, everything was wrapped up in a neat bow at the of the day and thirty vulnerable young girls had a chance to return to their families instead of wasting away in the sex trade. The way Ziva looked as they helped the girls from the truck while Lee translated made Tony wanting to hug her tight and spend the night listening to whatever memories she was reliving. But as soon as the scene was contained and dirtbags and almost victims taken to their respective locations, he also had to leave and try to put on a good face for his fake girlfriend.

Dancing with Jeanne should've been fun because she was graceful and light on her feet, but all Tony could think about was Ziva and wishing it was her in his arms instead of the doctor. Unsurprisingly, Ziva was in bed when he got home, leaving them no chance to talk or share their feelings about the day's experience. Tony fell asleep staring at her back and wracking his brain for a way to somehow make this up to her. She deserved better than a part time husband.

_Replies:_

_Liz - Thanks, I'm glad to hear that :) lol, yes, there is drama coming. More in chapters 10/11/12, but I do have a fairly low tolerance for conflict, so fights generally won't last more than a chapter or two, just so you know. Thanks so much for reviewing, you're very sweet. ~Aliyah_

_Sarah - you're welcome :) Yeah, I guess Z was still new, though by the time we hit Witch Hunt she has been around for a year. I just thought G didn't need to be so cold to her. But he's G, I guess he doesn't really need an explanation. Yes, awkward is probably a good word for T having the convo with J. And as much as this situation isn't easy for Z either, it's always nice to see them come back to each other. haha...I've been having fun fixing and putting a different spin on little bits of dialogue to make it fit my storyline. Interesting how a lot of it doesn't need to be changed much at all to work ;) Thanks for reviewing Sarah! :)_


	9. 4x9 Twisted Sister

When they were all trying to figure out where McGee was, Ziva made a comment that stuck with Tony. "When I was set up by the Iranians, I was late for several hours before anyone even noticed."

They took a separate car to Waverly University to investigate the dead sailor, holding hands the whole way. At a stoplight, Tony looked at his wife. "I noticed."

Her brow furrowed. "What?"

"When you were late. I noticed."

She smiled. "I know."

He remembered the panic he'd felt not being able to reach her. "And I was worried."

Ziva squeezed his fingers. "I know."

Tony rubbed his thumb over her ring finger. "But I wouldn't change where it got us."

She leaned over and kissed his cheek. "Neither would I. This, us, we are good Tony. I love you."

He grinned. "I'll never get tired of hearing that. I love you too babe, forever."

**NCIS**

They were together again later to collect McGee's sister from the library and after discovering his secret, Tony stopped at a bookstore to grab them both copies of Thom E. Gemcity's _Deep Six_. Every spare moment during the day was used to peruse McGee's story and with each scene involving Tommy and Lisa, the couple's unease grew. At one point Tony settled himself behind Ziva and leaned forward. "Tommy and Lisa?"

She closed the book. "He must have published this months ago."

"Probably during the summer, after we started dating."

Ziva folded her hands and rested her chin on them. "I wonder if McGee is seeing more than anyone else?"

Tony ran his fingers over her neck. "Are we that obvious?"

"If we were, Gibbs would know by now," Ziva reasoned. "Perhaps it is only an overactive imagination."

"And all our flirting the first year probably didn't help," he added.

She looked over her shoulder, a gleam in her eyes. "We are going to make his life miserable."

Tony chuckled. "Absolutely. A person doesn't write about his co-workers and get off scot-free."

Her forehead wrinkled. "Who is Scott?"

Tony laughed. "It's a saying Zi."

Ziva reached back for his hand and they enjoyed the moment before separating to get back to work. It certainly wouldn't do to get caught. Keeping their cover made everything a little more exciting.

**NCIS**

That night Tony was watching a movie with Jeanne and thinking of the brief times he and Ziva had spent together. Then she pressed the power button on the remote and totally caught him off guard talking about dating for over a month and how sex hadn't happened yet. He swallowed hard, going for casual but a little nervous. He hadn't expected the subject to come up yet. It had only been a month and...there was his opening.

"Well, I don't want to rush things."

She raised an eyebrow. "Date two is rushing things. Date eleven? Now that's a violation of the Geneva Convention."

Tony cleared his throat. "If you always do what you've always done, then you'll always get what you always got." He was completely serious now. "And while what I got had it's perks, I'm looking for something different now." He couldn't tell her that he'd already found that with Ziva and it was all he wanted.

Jeanne stared at him thoughtfully and let it go, stating simply that when he was ready, so was she. They kissed and she settled down beside him again. But Tony hated being here with her, holding her like he was enjoying it, when his heart was at home with Ziva. It was too soon to be thinking of more with Jeanne, he didn't want to go there ever. There was only one woman who should be sharing his bed and it wasn't the one he was with. Things were about to get a whole lot more complicated.

**NCIS**

The next day Tony tried to talk to Jenny about his reservations, but instead of giving him a reason not to get in deeper, she practically encouraged him to have sex with Jeanne. He was irritable all morning and could feel Ziva watching him, trying to pinpoint the source of his bad mood. In Observation before McGee came in, Ziva slid her arms around his waist. "Are you angry with Tim?"

Tony sighed and settled his hands on her lower back. "Nah, I can't blame the probie." Her mouth was too close and tempting so he took advantage of being alone to kiss her. "If it was you, I would've done the same thing."

Ziva smiled. "I would protect you at all costs as well." She leaned her chin on his shoulder. "What is the matter?"

He dropped his head to press their cheeks together. "Not here Zi, please don't ask me here."

Her interest was piqued but Ziva respected the boundary he set and shifted back, turning towards the window without moving out of his space. It wasn't until they decided to go for a walk after work that she got the chance to ask again. She stopped in the middle of the sidewalk. "You are troubled. Why?"

He gripped her hand tighter and tugged her back into step with him. "She asked about sex last night, can you believe that? After only a month! It was not a conversation I wanted to have."

Ziva chewed on her lip. "What did you say?"

Tony spun towards her, dropping her hand, expression incredulous. "I said no, what did you expect?"

Her eyes were full of apology. "I did not mean it like that."

He blew out a breath. "I know, I'm sorry. I just wasn't ready for that, y'know? Slow was working good. We haven't even kissed all that much yet."

Ziva stiffened at the mention of him kissing Jeanne and Tony understood. "Nothing in make out territory, just a few last night after we talked."

Her gaze shadowed but Ziva was trying hard not to put any more pressure on her husband than what he was already under. "What did you tell her?"

"That I didn't want to rush things. That I didn't just want what I'd always gotten before." He sighed. "I think it'll hold her for awhile, but I wish I knew how much longer I have to keep this up."

She tucked her free hand around his arm. "You are not the only one."

Tony kissed her temple. "It can't last forever Zi."

Ziva tried to smile. "Then I will look forward to that."

They continued on in silence, burdened by the weight of their thoughts and the stress of the unknown. They were here together, for now that would have to do.

_Replies:_

_Tracieleigh01 - wow, thanks! That's really nice to hear. And it's always great to meet other Christians, there seem to be a lot on this sight :) You're very welcome, thanks for reviewing!_

_Sarah - no worries, if I had to guess I would've said it was you :) This assignment is definitely getting more and more difficult, tho there will be some light moments for T&Z even as things progress. I think yes, it's safe to say it will get worse first. Thanks, I'm glad you're enjoying it :) Since I have just finished writing 5x01, I can say that J does not find out about T being married. She kind of has it out for him later in S5 so I didn't think it wise to give her information she could potentially use against him later. Thanks for reviewing! :)_


	10. 4x10 Smoked

Sunday night Tony and Ziva lay in bed, taking turns reading Deep Six to each other. Some of the speculation was so far from reality that they just had to laugh, but every once in awhile a truth peered out at them from the white pages. Ziva paused after re-reading the part McGee had written about her dream of them making love in her homeland. "I would like to show you Israel, someday," she shared quietly.

Tony ran his fingers up her arm. "I'd like to see it with you, where you grew up. The country that shaped the woman I love."

"We should go to Haifa and see my Aunt Nettie. I miss summers there," Ziva said wistfully, thinking back to simpler, happy times.

He kissed her bare shoulder. "Want to make plans for our vacation time next summer?"

Ziva passed the book to him and shook her head swiftly. "It is impossible."

Tony's brow furrowed. "Why Zi?"

Her eyes shadowed as she touched her rings, dreading taking them off in the morning. "My father would never accept our marriage. And I will not submit you to his judgement."

Tony wove their fingers together. "I'm sorry sweetheart."

She shrugged. "It is not important."

But in her heart Ziva knew that was a lie. Her father's approval mattered, it would mean the world to her if only he could be proud of her again. But his expectations were too high, his goals the only ones that mattered, and she was done trying to be perfect. It was not worth sacrificing her soul. Slouching down, Ziva rested her head on Tony's chest and slipped into sleep with his arms wrapped around her in a comforting embrace. She knew that he would never let go.

**NCIS**

Monday morning Ziva was in a lighter mood, partially from waking up to her husband's kiss, but mostly because of the deep love that shone in his clear green gaze when she smiled at him upon opening her eyes. And as Tim's book was not yet a closed subject, she decided to have a little fun. After torturing McGee all day for his lack of judgement in using them as writing material, Ziva came up with an idea. Waiting until Tony wasn't making eyes at her across the otherwise dark and empty bullpen because he was trying to finish the last chapter, she stood and stealthily made her way to stand behind her husband. When Tony looked up again Ziva wasn't at her desk he held very still, listening even though he had a feeling he knew where she was.

Her warm breath on his ear confirmed the theory. "You know, I think McGee was right."

Tony inclined his head towards her voice. "He was, was he?"

Ziva leaned closer. "It takes almost all of my willpower to resist the urges I have when I am around you Tony. Maybe it is about time I just give in, yes?"

He tried to reign in his smile. "And by give in, you mean...?"

She shrugged. "Letting loose. Doing what comes naturally."

Tony chuckled, prepared for an answer involving his swift demise by innocuous means, but played along. "I thought I was picking up that vibe the first time we went undercover together."

Ziva seemed surprised. "You were?"

"Uh-huh."

She tapped her fingers on his desk. "In fact, I almost did it that first night in the hotel room."

Tony remembered her gun barrel pressed into his cheek when he woke her. "Mmm, really?"

Ziva sighed. "But it would not have been a good idea."

He nodded as if he understood what she was thinking, even though he had no idea. "Why's that?"

If Tony expected joking, her serious tone caught him off guard. "Because you were not then the man you are now, and I was not yet ready for what we have found."

Tony turned towards her. "Not the direction I thought this conversation was going."

Ziva smiled and tapped his cheek. "Expect the unexpected. Is that not a rule?"

He opened his mouth to reply but Gibbs walked in, took in their close proximity and growled. "You two done playing?"

Ziva walked slowly back to her desk, casting a glance over her shoulder at her partner. "He started it."

Gibbs confiscated Tony's copy of the book and sat down. "I'm ending it."

The startled look Tony and Ziva shared wondered just how literally their boss mean that, and what was it exactly that he knew? Time would tell if their secret had been compromised, for now they intended to act like nothing had changed.

**NCIS**

But things had changed by the following morning as Tony was again sent out on assignment for Jenny. It was something different, playing a crew member at the private airfield, but as soon as the Director gave him clearance to leave, he looked at his watch and closed his eyes, muttering under his breath. "Two hours. Gibbs is gonna murder me." _Not to mention my wife._

Tony could tell as soon as he walked into the office that she had not been impressed by his decision to take off while she was out for her run without even leaving a note to explain. He tried to make it up to her with meaningful glances and as much touch as he could get away with, as well as the occasional whisper about how much he liked it when she left her hair down and how good he thought she looked in those army green cargo pants she favoured. But it was fast becoming clear that juggling his day job, a side job and pretend girlfriend, as well as his partner/wife, was proving to be more difficult than he'd initially anticipated. Tony knew he could afford to lose everything but her - Ziva was the one person he couldn't, and didn't want to, live without.

And then the case took a nasty and unexpected turn for the worse. Instead of just being some guy stuck in a chimney, their dead body was now a confirmed serial killer. He was there when they put up pictures of his victims and saw the brief emotion that flashed in Ziva's eyes when Gibbs pointed out that they all looked very much like the dead man's wife. She was more withdrawn after that and more closed off than Tony had seen her in months, not leaving any way for him to find a way through her protective walls.

For Ziva, the case was not a nice one, and it affected her more than she bargained for. She was troubled by the fact that a seemingly loving husband could commit such atrocities and manage to hide them from his wife, the person he was closest to. It didn't help at all that her husband was currently living a double life, even though it was different because he told her everything. Or at least, she mused, he said he was telling her everything. But what else might he be hiding? It was a question Ziva wasn't sure she wanted to know the answer to.

It was late when they finally made it home, and Ziva dropped her things at the door, then locked herself in the bathroom for a hot shower. Tony had noticed the way she kept looking at him as the hours of the day passed, and he couldn't get that expression out of his mind. When she came out dressed in flannel pyjama bottoms and a long sleeved shirt, he decided it was time they talked. But Ziva didn't join him on the couch, instead she puttered around in the kitchen making tea and stalling, hoping her thoughts would clear.

"Gibbs asked about you today," she said out of nowhere.

Tony twisted around on the couch to look at her through the gap between the cupboards and counter, but all he could see was her back. "Yeah? What'd he say?"

She shrugged. "He asked how long you had been doing errands for Jenny and I told him. But I am not supposed to know what you are doing, so he may ask you himself."

Tony got up and came over to lean against the counter, crossing his arms. "I doubt it. Gibbs will likely try to pester it out of the Director before he comes to me."

Ziva glanced towards him but not at him. "Will she tell him?"

He shook his head. "Probably not. I'm not even privy to what is driving her obsession. At this point I don't think I want to know. I just want to do my job and get out." She stirred her tea and set the spoon in the sink, taking a careful sip before she finally turned around. Tony was done beating around the bush. "Look at me Ziva." She ignored him and he took a step closer, noting with frustration the way she tensed. This was not okay. "Zi, look at me."

Finally she swallowed and set her mug down, raising hesitant dark eyes to meet his. Tony got right in her space and settled his hands on her hips. "I'll admit that I can be a real jerk. I've dated, slept with and burned too many women to think I can ever be a nice guy. I know I can be full of myself and I don't always consider others in my decisions. And I've done lots of things I'm not proud of. But," he tipped her chin up and brushed his thumb over her bottom lip, "I have never hurt a woman, I've never even thought about it and I can promise you that I will never be that guy."

Tony lowered his mouth her hers, feeling the uncertainty in Ziva's stance. He didn't get the response he was hoping for, but neither did she push him away even though her hands were resting on his chest, which gave him hope. He leaned his forehead on hers. "I love you honey. You're the most important part of my life. And I know this undercover assignment is killing both of us, but when it's over I promise, I promise that this is the last time. Then it will just be us, together at work and at home and in life. I wait for that every day."

By the end of his confession Tony could feel Ziva relaxing and when he kissed her again she moved her lips against his, silent tears slipping down her cheeks and over his fingers framing her face. After a long moment Ziva broke away and buried her head in his neck, her arms tight around him now, letting him know just how much of a toll the undercover assignment was taking on her, and their three and a half month old marriage. He knew, it was so obvious what it was doing to them, but at this point they no longer had a choice, they just had to see it through.

That knowledge didn't make it any easier to leave his wife in their bed while he went over to see Jeanne, since he'd promised to stop by. Thankfully she was tired and the visit didn't last long. He heard a few stories about her day in the children's ward, shared some made up anecdotes about his fictional students and said goodnight. Tony came home to a silent, dark house and got ready for bed in the bathroom so as not to wake Ziva. For a long time he stood outside their bedroom door, leaning his head against the wood, whispering into the stillness.

"I'm so sorry for what this is doing to you honey, and I wish I could stop. But I can't, and I'm really, really trying to figure out a way to not screw this up for any of us. The thing is," he sighed, "I'm pretty sure I'm going to fail no matter what I do, and I can only pray that you'll be able to forgive me, someday." Tony took a deep breath and pushed the door open, then undressed and crawled into bed. Ziva was asleep on her side facing him, but he didn't want to take the chance of waking her. So he lay down and closed his eyes hoping, somehow, that things would be better tomorrow. Sometimes that was all he lived for.

**NCIS**

It was the middle of the night when Ziva woke her husband up with a very clear intention in her touch, prompted by the dream she'd just come out of that made her long for a physical expression of his love and commitment to her and only her. Never able to refuse his wife, and wondering if this meant she forgave him, Tony was a more than willing participant in their impromptu lovemaking. Instead of falling asleep separately afterwards, the couple drifted off sprawled across each other, arms and legs entangled and her hair tickling his nose. But Tony wasn't planning to complain, he just kept his arms around her and smiled.

As usual they arrived at work separately and barely made eye contact because it was too dangerous when a single look could give everything away. So nothing was said until Ziva came back from the breakroom and leaned on the partition by his desk. Tony didn't notice her at first and was whistling, unable to wipe the grin off his face, because for once everything felt like it was going alright.

She watched him for a moment, then spoke. "Are you on medication?"

Tony was still smiling. "Just had a good night last night."

Ziva continued studying him. "Doing what?"

He couldn't possibly look at her without being obvious, so he shrugged. "The usual."

Her eyebrows drew together. "The usual what?"

Tony was trying to figure out why she was baiting him when they were, for the moment, alone. "Night."

The light dawned and Ziva laughed. "You had sex, did you not?"

He turned to her quickly, eyes wide and expression bordering on fear. He had not been expecting her to say it out loud. "What?"

Ziva leaned her chin on her folded arms. "It is okay to admit it, we are all adults here."

How she could keep such a blank face when he was itching to touch her and gush about how it was one of the best nights they'd had in awhile was beyond him. Before Tony could formulate a reply, Fornell interrupted them, arguing with Ziva's comment, and he was off the hook. But he shot her a dirty look later for playing with him. She just responded with a wink and a smirk and for that moment they were back on the same page.

**NCIS**

Much later Tony and Ziva stood together in the dimness of Observation, watching Gibbs and Fornell interrogate the wife. Tony stood closer than strictly necessary, never giving up the chance to be in his wife's space. "What's your crazy ninja sense telling you?"

Ziva didn't take her eyes off the woman. "She is scared."

"I mean about whether she shanked Beef Jerky and dropped him down the wishing well."

She crossed her arms. "What would you do if you woke up one day and discovered you were married to a monster?"

Tony decided to mix humour in with a dose of truth. "It happened to my father all the time. We usually just moved."

Ziva nodded once. "Ah, that explains it."

He cupped her elbow and leaned forward to whisper in her ear. "But I know that'll never happen to me. Crazy Mossad ninja assassin notwithstanding, I trust you implicitly Ziva David-DiNozzo."

She turned slightly to look at him and rolled the name around in her head, trying to decide how she felt about it. It was one of the first times he'd experimented with changing her name, that topic was something they'd hadn't gotten around to discussing yet and neither were in a hurry, since their marital status was not intended to become public knowledge for quite some time. "Really? That is good to know."

Tony nuzzled her neck, feeling safe to do so since they were alone. "You weren't sure about that?"

Ziva chuckled. "Once you are labeled as an assassin, it is easy to think that is the only way people will ever view you."

"Hm." He dropped a kiss on her shoulder. "I know you better than that ninja. I know that you had a stuffed bear when you were little named Aaron. That you learned to braid your sister's hair so she could look just like you. I know you covered for Ari, and took his punishment when the window in your father's office got broken. I know you love falafels and latkes and challah bread, but hate peas because you've never liked green food even though that is your favourite colour. I know you have a secret stash of very girly clothes at the back of the closet, that you often cry at chick flicks, and a cup of tea has been known to make your day better no matter what is going wrong." Tony slipped his hand in the back pocket of her pants. "With all of that, how could I ever think of you as anything but a very capable agent and my gorgeous, loving wife?"

For that she turned in his arms to plant a quick kiss on his lips, smiling against his skin when he said softly, "Those are also reasons fifteen through twenty-two of why I married you." Tony closed his eyes and breathed her in. "You're my everything Zi, what's not to love?" And with that he reluctantly released her, because the interview was coming to a not so good end, but it was hours before those words stopped repeating themselves in Ziva's head. If nothing else, Tony was very gifted at making her feel cherished. Tonight that was all that mattered.

_Replies:_

_NCISfan88 - thanks, I'm glad you think so. Well, I am planning to change some details of when Z is sent back to Israel and what happens there, also I'll be bringing Rivkin in at a different time and in a bit of a different context. Hopefully it all works to be a good story, if a bit AU. Aliyah will still happen, but I can't say much more about that as I haven't gotten to that part of the story yet. Thanks for your interest and the review! :)_

_Tracieleight01 - Unfortunately, S10 is not an option. I'm following canon (roughly) up until the end of S9, but from there we go completely AU into my own story, which I hope you guys will enjoy. I might do some one-shots from S10, but that will be after I'm done this project. Thanks for the thought!_

_Sarah - I'm always happy to answer questions, as long as it doesn't give too much away. Thanks, I'm glad you're enjoying the stuff about McG's book. I would love to hear that he's written a few more books since then, I liked that idea. T&Z are obviously doing very well with their act if G hasn't caught on yet. The strain is going to hit a wall in the next couple chapters somewhere and there will be a fight, but T&Z don't give up. I'm glad you liked the last scene. It definitely feels like the end is never coming, only a couple months and T already wishes the assignment was over. Thanks for reviewing! :)_


	11. 4x11 Driven

The sexual harassment seminar. It happened every year, and every year he desperately hoped some non-fatal case would suddenly spring up and exempt them from the agony of listening to the same dull, arguably questionable speech by an instructor convinced that they were right and no one was allowed to have any fun at work. At least during the video he'd sort of been able to nap, because who wanted to see that for the sixth time? But then the lights came back on and he was forced to pretend to pay attention.

"From the video presentation it's clear sexual harassment can take many forms in the workplace."

Tony spared a glance at his teammates. Jimmy was studying the brochure with great concentration, Abby was doodling in her notebook - probably designing a voo-doo doll that resembled the lady at the front, Tim was appearing to listen closely but Tony would not have been surprised to find out that the probie was either thinking of all the inappropriate things that went on every day or planning a new strategy for his role-playing game. Ziva was behind him, doing who knows what, he wasn't about to look back and find out. It was exhausting to think through every look and casual touch between them, but so far their vigilance was paying off.

"A co-worker with elevator eyes, looking you up and down." That was something he and Ziva did to each other on a regular basis, he'd even seen McGee staring at Abby in a way some might consider not acceptable for work.

"A co-worker shows you a cartoon or photo of a sexual nature." Seriously? How was she keeping a straight face right now? Did she know the kinds of things that floated around on inter-office emails? Some of that stuff would make the DC Madam blush.

Tony couldn't take it any more, he had to comment. He'd been silent for over and hour and it was getting to him. He turned his head slightly towards his partner. "If you're lucky."

"A co-worker's hand 'accidentally' brushes up against your body."

Tony yawned. That kind of stuff was child's play. He and Ziva worked very hard to make intentional appear accidental every day. They'd self-destruct sitting across from each other fifteen hours a day and not being allowed to touch.

Ziva leaned forward. "If you are really lucky." So far they had been, even Gibbs didn't seem suspicious yet. He was probably still too busy trying to figure out what Jenny's game was to worry about his agents getting cozy behind the scenes.

"Physical contact can be divided into three categories. Green light includes normal behaviour. Yellow light includes borderline behaviour such as hugging someone or-"

She didn't get to finish her sentence because Abby was suddenly standing and demanding why hugging was considered offensive, while Tony was thinking of other ways to end that sentence. Or making out in bathrooms. Or having his hands under Ziva's shirt when they were alone in Observation. Or staring at her in a way that suggested out of the office activities. Yeah, those would probably all work.

When she stated the DOD policy of having to ask permission before making physical contact with a co-worker, Tony almost snorted. That would be day. But some things were better left unsaid, especially if certain someones were trying not to get caught. Once they had all reassured Abby that her hugs were in completely normal and appropriate territory, the lady continued. She really should know better than to upset Abby. The forensic scientist was a dangerous woman under the pigtails and the mini-skirts.

"And finally there's red light behaviour such as deliberate, unwelcomed touching."

At that point he was tipped back far enough that his head was resting on Ziva's desk. But Tony was totally unprepared for her to bend over the desk and lick his neck. Normally, he would've enjoyed something like that, but not when they were in a room full of people including their bosses, so he freaked out like he would've if he'd seen a rat. Then he had to think on the fly to make up an excuse that didn't implicate his wife. Of course, the headslaps may not have been his best bet, because by the way Gibbs looked at him he'd be getting his fair share as soon as they were out of sight of Mz. Taylor. Even so, he'd never been so happy to receive the order to gear up.

**NCIS**

Later he followed Ziva into the women's bathroom after making certain no one was watching them. He stood behind her as she fixed her hair in the mirror, close enough for her to feel the heat of his body, but without actually touching. "So," he began in a low voice, "I have to ask permission before making physical contact with a co-worker?"

Ziva turned, her lips parted in surprise. "Tony, I did not realize we were simply co-workers."

His eyes darkened. "Does that mean asking permission isn't entirely necessary?"

"If you did that every time," she purred, "it would not happen very often."

Tony shuffled forward, backing her into the counter. "That was a no, right?" His fingers glided along her cheeks to tangle in her silky hair.

Ziva rubbed her nose on his. "That was definitely a no," she whispered breathily as his lips came crashing down on hers.

Once that matter was settled and they'd finally come up for air, Tony stroked her neck with one finger. "Not that I'm complaining, but why did you lick me?"

Ziva's eyes narrowed. "Creating a distraction was my only option. I was about to murder her with my pen. And you know, they frown on that at the DOD. I do not do boredom well."

Despite the valid explanation, Tony still returned the favour by dragging his tongue down her neck. "I'll remember that." Then he tossed her a wink and walked away, hands in his pockets, feeling very pleased with himself. Sure there would be retribution later, but he planned to have all the fun he could before finally giving up and crying uncle.

**NCIS**

When Ziva leaned over McGee to see what he was so excited about inside the car, and then fell on him when he accidentally tripped her and couldn't get up, Tony snapped photos with great glee, commenting about the light colour of this particular situation. Once she'd extracted herself, she backed him into a corner and demanded that he delete the pictures. Tony rubbed his thumb in little circles on her hip, trying to calm her down so she didn't go back and accidentally murder their lovable probie.

She huffed in frustration. "Did you really have to do that?"

Tony narrowed his eyes. "I hope you didn't enjoy that compromising position Ms. David."

Ziva frowned at him and crossed her arms. "I will put you in a compromising position."

Tony should've known to quit while he was ahead, but that had never stopped him before. He grinned. "Really?"

The lilt in his voice must've gotten to her, because without warning Ziva's hands shot out and her foot hooked around his ankle and the next thing Tony knew he was on the ground staring up at the ceiling and Ziva was stalking towards the open garage door, still fuming. With a groan he rubbed his back and remembered what he'd told Gibbs at the end of Ziva's first case with their team.

"I've really got to remember not to tick her off." Maybe next time he would listen when all his senses were screaming, 'Danger Will Robinson, danger!' Until then, he'd just have to walk it off.

**NCIS**

They were in the squadroom - Ziva checking into the Lieutenant's career, Tony watching the security camera tape, and McGee doing research about Azion. Then Tony found something, because McGee couldn't be the only one with a theory. "Curious to know what follows red light behaviour Zee-vah?"

She seemed to be considering that carefully. "Uhh...potential pregnancy?"

Tony appreciated how literal her mind was. "That's a good guess, but not in this case."

He put the security footage up on the plasma and as they were watching it, Tony wondered again how they'd managed to never talk about kids. Every time he thought about bringing it up, something happened and the subject got changed or forgotten. He made a mental note to find a way to bring it up to her when they were alone later, but then Gibbs sent them to look at the victim's apartment and Tony's concentration was broken, because he wasn't thrilled about what came next.

Ziva caught the keys he tossed towards her and smile. "Ha! Letting me drive?"

Tony grabbed his things, trying to sound disinterested. "No, meeting you there. I need to drop something off at the hospital."

Her brow furrowed, because she knew that meant he was going to see Jeanne and Ziva wished she didn't have to act like that was okay, but she still engaged in the kind of conversation those around them would expect until Tony left without her. Then Ziva took a deep breath and decided to take the stairs. A little extra time to think was never a bad thing.

**NCIS**

At the hospital Tony played the jealous boyfriend because of the guy rubbing her neck, but when Jeanne mentioned he was too busy to see her last night, he had to work extra hard to hide his reaction. And it was unfair, because Jeanne didn't know the whole story, but Tony was still frustrated by the comment. After months of sharing him, Ziva had deserved a night devoted just to them. A night where he had nowhere else to be and no one else to see, a night where her favourite flowers appeared in the vase on the kitchen table, where her favourite kind of chocolate sat wrapped in a bow by her plate, where he went the extra mile to make an Israeli dish he knew she loved, where he stared into her eyes and tried to get her to believe that she was the most beautiful woman in the world, and the only one he wanted.

It had been a great night. Ziva put on music from her iPod and Tony gladly danced her around the open space between the front door and the kitchen. Then they took a bath and he washed her hair, because there was something so sensual about touching her that way. Afterwards he offered a no-strings-attached massage, but didn't complain in the least when Ziva decided to reward his generosity with the kind of pleasure neither of them ever got enough of. They fell asleep sated and spent and pressed together with the finest Israeli cotton sheets draped over their bare bodies.

Tony cleared his throat and pushed the memories back, promising to make it up to Jeanne, but inwardly winced when she tagged him with the red hospital bracelet. He was going to have to explain that one to Ziva too, and then last night would only be a memory. She wouldn't want to let him that close again when all he did was hurt her and take advantage of her trust. Tony saw it in her face, the second he walked in the door to the victim's apartment.

Her eyes narrowed at the flash of red under his sleeve. "What is that?"

He held up his wrist with a self-conscious chuckle. "I've been branded."

Everything in Ziva's stance suggested that she was about to leap across the space between him and tear the other woman's mark off of him, but instead she crossed her arms and stared towards the window. "Where do you want to start?"

Tony let her change the subject. "I think you should go and check the bedroom." He forced a lightness into his gaze. "That is, unless you want me to come with you and help." He almost hoped she said yes, because he felt a need to kiss that hurt look off her face. Did she understand how much he hated having to be two people, that he struggled every day to remember what was real, that he would do anything to not have this assignment? He saw her staring and fixed his glove. "What?"

Her jealousy was still present, unfair and unwarranted when he didn't actually have a choice, but she deliberately relaxed and took a step closer. "I am just wondering if offering to take me to a bedroom constitutes sexual harassment."

"Well, if you have to ask then it's not harassment-" Tony started to say, but then she called him in and the conversation was dropped.

**NCIS**

They were having a relatively normal moment in Observation until his phone rang. Ziva could tell by the way he tried to keep all his answers vague that it was her, the woman who was taking her husband's time and attention away from her. Crossing her arms, Ziva tried not to give into the jealousy that threatened to swamp her. How dare that woman call when she and Tony were together? She stepped away from his attempt to draw her close despite the tech watching them and stared resolutely at the man in Interrogation. Ziva knew she wasn't being pleasant, especially after he surprised her last night and spoiled her during every last moment of their time together, but that did not make her feel any better about right now. Tony gave up trying to get through to her and walked out, leaving her to look after him, undisguised longing written on her woeful expression.

Things didn't get any better when he had to tell her later that Jenny was sending him on a mission that evening. All night as he stood on a street corner singing a terrible song and gathering intel, Tony was thinking about his soft warm bed and his beautiful wife who would be falling asleep alone again. He thought about Ziva's dark chocolate eyes, her compelling smile, the way her fingers traced his features early in the morning when she thought he was asleep. He thought about cuddling on the couch, glasses of champagne and chocolate covered strawberries on their brief honeymoon, and little things like the way he'd always find her hair in the shower in the morning or her dressing gown draped across their bed or her lipstick on a drinking glass. Those moments made him feel so married and he hoped they stayed that way forever because he loved everything about Ziva and he couldn't imagine giving any of this up.

Once Jenny released him from the assignment, Tony took the change he'd collected (a rather decent sum considering the fake accent, basic guitar chords and less than flowing lyrics), found a pawn shop open late, and selected a new knife for his wife. He knew she loved having a large and eclectic collection of weapons, and though it made him a little nervous when he found blades hidden between sofa cushions and taped underneath end tables, it was still just another part of her that he loved.

It was well after midnight when the tired agent finally dragged himself in the front door. Ziva had left the lamp in the livingroom on for him, and there was a pan of brownies on the kitchen counter with a note directing him to help himself. Tony did, eating the first one in a single bite. It was light and fluffy and melted on his tongue, so he ate another, drawing a heart on the back of the note and a silly face that was supposed to be him dazed by the chocolatey delight. He placed the knife on top for her to find and moved to stand at the doorway of their bedroom, watching her still form for a long time before he entered.

Ziva rolled over and held a hand out to him, frowning when he flopped down next to her. "You are cold," she murmured, kissing him. Tony took full advantage of her willingness and parted her lips, aching to be close to her. Ziva pulled back with a small smile on her lips. "And you taste like chocolate."

He grinned. "You didn't really expect me to wait until the morning to try those, did you?"

She shook her head. "No." Then a shadow crossed her face and she rolled away from him, remembering things weren't exactly okay between them. "It is late, you need to sleep."

Just like that Tony knew he'd lost her again. But what he wouldn't give for those sleepy unguarded moments to last.

**NCIS**

The next morning Ziva watched Tony sleep at his desk, head in his arms and jacket over his head. She chewed the inside of her lip and leaned forward. "Are you alright?" There was genuine concern in her voice because Ziva knew he hadn't slept well. Her husband was rarely a restless sleeper, but last night he tossed and turned so much that he kept them both awake until he finally moved to the couch. Neither of them actually slept after that and the distance between them just seemed to grow until it yawned like a canyon too deep and wide to get across.

Tony raised his head a fraction. "Define alright."

Ziva's eyebrows drew together. "How long are you going to keep doing this Tony?"

He sighed, he couldn't have this conversation again. "Until I'm told otherwise."

She tilted her head, loose curls falling over her shoulder. "Are you prepared for what you could lose?"

The words were spoken softly, but their meaning hit him like a punch to the gut. Tony fixed weary eyes on his wife, silently imploring her not to make him make that choice. He would, if it came to that. He would give up everything and anything to keep her in his life, but Tony still hoped she wouldn't ask. They were in the middle of a staring match when the Azion people had to be dealt with and their precious car tracked down, so there wasn't a chance for anything more to be said. Ziva didn't speak to him unless strictly necessary for the rest of the day and he left after finishing his report, planning to spend a couple hours at a bar before he remembered a sushi date with Jeanne, and another stone was added to the load he carried.

**NCIS**

Well after being let off of duty Ziva was still at her computer, pretending to do research on the disease Tony battled years ago. She needed a convincing excuse in case anyone asked. But really the Israeli was just avoiding the inevitable confrontation once she left. Ziva didn't even know if Tony would be home or not, she didn't know what to say if he was. The last couple days had not been easy on them and she couldn't help wondering how many more months it would take to break them. This was not what either had signed up for.

Gibbs appeared out of the shadows and leaned on the partition beside her. "Hey, it's late, go home."

She played the concerned partner, mentioning his visits to the hospital and the bracelet he wore, but Gibbs wasn't biting. He left in the elevator, feeling her worry rub off on him, and Ziva finally shut everything down. But instead of leaving the building, she went downstairs to the firing range and spent an hour decimating harmless paper targets, and another hour with the punching bag in the gym before finishing off with a run. Finally Ziva got in her car and headed home, dreading what she would find when she got there, or maybe worse, who she wouldn't find.

**NCIS**

Sushi with Jeanne turned into being at the bar with Jeanne and after a few drinks loosened his inhibitions, Tony found himself making out with her in a dark corner booth. It was when he suddenly realized he was enjoying it - the kissing and touching and tongues mingling - that reality hit him like a splash of cold water and he broke away abruptly, excusing himself to the bathroom where he threw up in a dingy dirty stall and sank back against the wall, trying to figure out what was happening to him.

Tony returned to the table, said something to a confused and slightly annoyed Jeanne about bad sushi, and called her a cab, brushing off her concern and promising they'd talk later. Outside in the night away from the pounding music of the bar he was finally able to think. Granted with the amount of alcohol in his system they weren't completely clear thoughts, but it was enough. Figuring he'd better walk home since driving didn't seem like such a good idea, Tony turned north and followed the sidewalk for blocks and blocks.

Halfway into his journey it started to rain, but he really felt like he deserved to be cold and miserable, so he kept walking. Truths started hitting him one after another and Tony wanted to punish himself. Things with Jeanne were starting to feel real, he was beginning to want her and though he knew it was simple male biology reacting to close contact with a pretty girl, he still felt like the worst creep ever. He slogged on through the puddles that soaked his pantlegs, with his collar turned up and rain trickling uncomfortably down his neck. Tony wasn't sure if he was welcome at home, or if he was even worthy of a welcome. For the hundredth time he came to the conclusion that he should've turned the director down even if she hadn't really left him a way out of the assignment. Working for Starbucks would've been better than risking his relationship with Ziva.

It was more than an hour before Tony arrived at the door to their bungalow. From the window it looked like a light was on in the livingroom, but a second inspection showed it to be just the nightlight behind the couch. He wiped his face with chilled fingers and sighed. So Ziva was probably sleeping and they'd push this away like so many other things swept under the rug. Tiredly he pushed his key into the lock and let himself in, stopping short at the silhouette of his wife sitting on the couch cleaning her gun. Tony reached for the light switch but Ziva shook her head.

"Do not."

He shrugged out of his sopping coat and hung it up to drip dry. "Why are you sitting in the dark?"

She might've shrugged. "Practice."

Tony wondered what was she was practicing for as he toed off his ruined shoes and leaned against the wall to tug drenched socks from his feet. "Are we going to talk about this?" He heard the pieces of her gun rapidly slide and click back into place and silently questioned if she was planning to shoot him. Maybe she should and just put them both out of their misery.

Ziva ran her fingers lightly over the barrel and returned it to the holster. "What more is there to say?" Tony pulled his wet, clingy shirt over his head, leaving the damp undershirt on. He balled it up with the socks and tossed them towards the laundry closet and Ziva shot to her feet. "Can you not put that in the hamper?"

Tony undid his belt and the formerly pristine dress pants pooled around his feet. "It would just get everything else wet."

"That is not the point!" she yelled. "How hard it is to do one simple thing? Dirty clothes go in the hamper, not on the floor, not on the bed, not in front of the closet. Why can you not get that through your head?"

This time he did flick on just the entry light. They both blinked at the brightness and Tony strode across the floor to the bathroom. "No, the point is that we're not fighting about where I leave dirty clothes." He sighed heavily. "What do you want me to say Ziva? I hate this assignment with every last fiber of my being. I despise myself for playing with her heart and how my actions damage yours. And for the love of Mike I wish things weren't starting to feel real, okay?!" His voice got louder with every point and his secret slipped out. "But I can't do anything about any of it and I'm tired of saying sorry!" Tony closed his eyes to block out the shock in Ziva's expression. "Now if you don't mind, I'm going to have a shower. It was a long walk home and I'm freezing." With that he slammed the door shut and leaned back against it, feeling like he'd just lost everything.

**NCIS**

When Tony finally stepped out of the steam filled shower, no longer shivering but with his heart feeling like a lump of lead in his chest, he found that Ziva had warmed his towel and there was a mug of hot chocolate sitting on the counter. Tears pricked the corners of his eyes as he wrapped the cozy towel around him took a cautious sip of the brown liquid. He really didn't deserve her, nor the care she was showing that made him feel even worse.

After dressing in sweats, Tony returned to the livingroom and sat down beside Ziva, curled up in the middle of the couch with her knees pulled against her chest, dressed all in black with telltales signs of dried tears on her cheeks. He wasn't completely sober yet and one o'clock in the morning probably wasn't the best time to be having a serious conversation, but it felt like now or never. He leaned forward with his elbows on his knees.

"Are you going to make me choose?" he asked lowly.

Ziva's headshake was barely noticeable, but Tony did see the way she wiped at her cheek. "No," she answered in a barely audible voice. "That is too high a price."

He swallowed and wrapped his hands around hers. "No price is too high, no sacrifice too great if I get to keep you in my life Ziva."

She pulled away and shrank back into the cushions. "You have feelings for her?"

Tony rubbed his face and looked towards the window. "I don't know anymore Zi. I don't want to. But tonight we were kissing and..." He didn't know how to say the rest.

Ziva finished the sentence for him. "You wanted more."

He thought about it and shook his head vehemently. "No. No, I don't want to sleep with her. I just...got wrapped up in the moment. I can't-Ziva you have to believe that I don't want anyone except you. But it's so hard when we're fighting and she's there and...I got a little drunk. Maybe I thought I could pretend for awhile. I don't know." He dropped his head and laced his hands behind his neck. "This is so messed up Ziva. I'm sorry. I wish I hadn't told you that."

She pulled her sleeves up past her fingers and covered her face with her hands, sobbing silently. "I...made you promise...to tell me everything." Ziva couldn't stop the pain that tore at her heart with his confession. She took a minute to gather her composure and whispered. "Because you do, I know I can trust you."

Tony looked up, not bothering to hope. "Still?"

Ziva nodded once, then her chin started trembling and without warning she threw herself into his arms. "I do not want to fight Tony. I do not want to break this way, not because of her."

Tony hugged her tightly, clutching at her body like a life preserver. He buried his face in her wild hair and tried to capture the way she felt in his embrace. "I'm so sorry sweetheart, for everything. I don't want to fight with you either." As Ziva cried into his neck, her slim frame shaking with the force of her anguish, Tony vowed not to let it get this far again. "We'll work it out," he choked. "We're in this together Ziva, I promise we'll figure something out."

She clung to him, wanting to be as close as possible. "I love you," she whispered, "I love you very much Tony. Please remember that, even when I am hurt and angry." Ziva pulled back and touched his face and he could feel the coolness of her rings and pressed his lips to them in thankfulness. That she could still make that gesture after everything this week had thrown at them floored him.

"I'll be worthy of your love Ziva, of your trust. Somehow I'll make this up to you."

Ziva kissed him gently, briefly. "You already are." Then she stood and offered her hands. "Sleep beside me tonight Tony, and do not let go."

Tony closed his eyes, wanting to cry at the forgiveness she was offering. "Never." He wove their fingers together. "I'll never let go Zi, if you won't."

She shook her head and stood, leading him towards their bed. "I will not. I promise."

That was everything he needed to know. Tony fell asleep that night with Ziva tucked securely against him, and for the first time in a long time he felt peace. If she was willing to work through this assignment and whatever toll it took with him, then for the two of them anything was possible. Perhaps things would turn out okay in the end. With his wife at his side, Tony knew he could face the toughest of problems and still come out on top. Being with Ziva was everything he wanted.

_Sarah - thanks :) I like the idea of T&Z going away anywhere together. I think it would be sweet if they could visit Aunt Nettie, but getting away from work at the same time without arousing suspicions is next to impossible. We won't be getting as far as Shabbat Shalom, since MIT will be taking an AU turn at the end of S9, but I'm not ruling out bringing both T&Z's dads back for some much needed change and reconcilliation. Yeah, the parellel's were slight but enough to put Z on edge, I'm glad you liked T's list, he definitely can be sweet and charming when he wants to be :) Thanks for reviewing!_


	12. 4x12 Suspicion

Over the last month Tony and Ziva had worked very hard on their marriage. The day after Tony's disastrous date with Jeanne, he called and apologized, explaining that he'd really never done serious before and the pace was kind of freaking him out and could they just take things slow for awhile? Jeanne was understanding and agreeable and they set a time to go out for coffee. At that meeting Tony told her he had a tonne of exams to mark and begged off seeing her for a week, wanting to get them all done and the marks submitted before the new semester started. The following week an imaginary relative unexpectedly passed away, requiring Tony DiNardo to be out of the state for several days. Again Jeanne was compassionate and sympathetic but looked forward to his return, making Tony feel worse about being false with her.

But those two weeks meant everything to Tony and Ziva. They lavished attention and love on each other every chance they got, cooked together, cleaned, even did some painting in the office. He took her out to nice restaurants and dancing, they did a tour of the monuments, and took a moonlight carriage ride. They went to a club, played indoor mini golf, took in a play, and laughed as much as possible. One date included snuggling in the back row of an old movie theater and making out during much of the film. Tony also took her to a firing range just to see her skills at work, and they had a knife throwing contest, coming very close to tying.

It felt like dating again, like remembering when they fell in love, and Tony and Ziva couldn't get enough. They trained together, ate together, and for almost fourteen days spent every night rediscovering their passion for each other. Things lightened up around their home and the couple found themselves enjoying life more than they had since their first month of marriage. So they were better prepared when things returned to normal halfway through January.

**NCIS**

McGee, Ziva and Tony got off the elevator, McGee trying to convince the resident ninja that he wasn't being secretive. "Everyone has secrets. I bet you two have some doozies."

"No," Tony blurted, turning towards his desk.

Ziva's eyes lit up and she pointed at him. "Ha!"

Tony went for innocent. "Ha? What ha? I said no."

"You said no too quickly!" she accused.

Happy to have the attention off of himself, McGee joined her, looking smug. "He did, didn't he?"

Ziva advanced on Tony with the look of a predator. "What dark, dirty little secrets do you have that are making you so uncomfortable?"

Tony gave her a 'what the heck are you doing?' look. _We're hiding the same secret. Do you really want it to come out like this?_

She smiled to let him know she was only messing with him, and relented when Gibbs appeared. After the very annoying song Tim and Tony insisted on reenacting during their two hour drive, they found themselves in a small town. Tony insisted that he started breaking out in hives the second they got out of the car, but the glare shot his way indicated that Gibbs did not care at all about his predicament.

Once they found the crime scene processed and now thoroughly contaminated and ended up in a conference room at the rural police precinct, the deputy immediately got Tony's dander up, looking at Ziva as if she was something dirty and asking where she was from. He liked her quick retort, but it still irritated him not to be able to stand up for his own wife. When Gibbs gave Tony permission to return to DC with Ducky and work from there, Ziva was amused by his eagerness. He really was allergic to the outdoors and places without a Blockbuster and Starbucks on every corner. He shot her a quick glance and Ziva knew if only for her he would probably stay, but she smiled and shook her head slightly. Orders were orders and they both had a job to do.

**NCIS**

Back in Abby's lab in the comfortable chaos of a city he'd spent six years getting to know, Tony was helping Abby go through evidence. "So," he grinned, "what's your biggest secret? Shock me."

Abby smiled and related her paper route story, but Tony was looking for better dirt than that. "No, I mean like a certain probie who wrote a not so secret best seller."

"Oh, you mean like a MOAS." At Tony's blank look she explained. "Like a Mother of All Secrets."

Tony nodded. "Yeah."

Abby shrugged. "Everybody has one, but I'm not going to tell you mine. What's yours?"

He laughed. "Ha! Nice try. I'm sitting on my MOAS." Tony was silent for a moment, contemplating. "How do you live with the Mother of All Secrets?"

"You don't." Abby said that like it was common knowledge. "It consumes you. It eats you like a cancer from the inside. First there's the guilt, and then the excruciating urge to blab your secret although you know it's going to spell your doom." She turned to him. "Have you gotten to that stage yet?"

Tony chuckled nervously. "No. It's a hypothetical situation we're talking about." There was no way he was going to spill their secret just like that, even if Abby was as good as being his little sister.

Abby nodded wisely. "Still in the guilt stage, huh?" He merely stared at her. "And then, you know, eventually you can't take it anymore, it drives you insane, so you blab your secret to your best friend or your mother or lover and it sets you free."

He seemed surprised. "It does?" Could it really be that easy?

"Yeah," Abby agreed. "'Course you lose all your friends and family and maybe even a job depending on what the secret is. But yeah."

Tony sighed. "Great." Would he and Ziva ever get to that stage? A niggling worry at the back of his mind wondered if keeping their secret would cost them everything and everyone they loved. Would it still be worth it when all they had was each other? He wasn't sure he really wanted to think about that part. All Tony was sure of was that he would never ever give up Ziva, no matter what the consequences. She was and always would be everything he needed.

**NCIS**

When Jeanne came out of the hospital that night for her break, apologizing that he couldn't steal her away for dinner, Tony put his plan into action. For the surprise he used a scene from one of his old movies, because he would never have been able to live with himself if he used something that he'd done with Ziva. Jeanne glowed in the candlelight and her eyes lit up with his thoughtfulness. It was a struggle to keep the smile plastered on his face because he cared about Jeanne and what happened to her, and Tony knew eventually he'd have to break her heart. And each day that burden had been getting a little bit heavier.

Tony was relieved that they had to keep it short and glad to be off the clock for the day, but it wasn't much of a comfort to come home to a dark, empty house. He dropped his keys in the dish, changed, and flopped on his side of the bed. His phone beeped and Tony snapped it up. _**ZD - are you lonely yet?**_

His fingers clattered over the keys in his eagerness to reply. _**TD - you bet. Home soon?**_

Ziva's hesitation made him wonder. _**ZD - we are staying the night.**_

Tony's shoulders sagged. They hadn't spent a night apart yet in five months of marriage. He sighed. _**TD - a little warning would've been nice.**_

Her answer was short. _**ZD - I tried.**_

Frowning, Tony checked his call log and winced. He'd missed three calls from her while he was with Jeanne. _**TD - sorry babe, my phone was off. Want to talk now?**_

He could almost see her shake her head. _**ZD - I am tired Tony. Goodnight.**_

Tony stared at the small screen before finally answering. _**TD - ILY**_. That was the beginning of the silence. And though he waited ten minutes, she never got back to him.

**NCIS**

When Ziva met Gibbs at the car shortly after the sun was up, her annoyance from last night had evaporated and worry was taking its place. Half an hour after their brief text message conversation, she'd changed her mind and called. But the phone rang and rang and rang, both the landline and Tony's cell, and the Israeli began to wonder if she made a mistake. She wished she'd at least said 'I love you' when she had the chance. But she hadn't, and now she couldn't even make it right.

Ziva got in the passenger seat. "Did you hear from Tony last night?"

Gibbs responded with his usual brevity. "Nope."

She shifted to face him. "How about this morning?" When he just looked at her, Ziva explained. "The only reason I am asking is because I called him last night to update him and he didn't pick up the phone. He didn't answer this morning either."

Gibbs sort of smiled. "Aww, you two got married and didn't tell me."

Ziva covered the shock at his statement well and chuckled. "No. I know this may sound a bit strange..."

"More than a bit Ziva."

She sighed. "He is my partner and I am concerned." Inside her thoughts were racing. _And yes, we did get married, but I am not going to tell you that._

The conversation was dropped when Gibbs pulled rank to shut her up and another day began.

**NCIS**

Tony was in MTAC talking to Lieutenant Shaheen's CO first thing in the morning. And although he appeared focused and in control, all he could think about was Ziva. After their non-fight via text message, he'd gone for a jog to blow off some stress. On arriving home, Tony found that he'd missed his wife's call. If that wasn't frustrating enough, a voicemail on his other cell phone from Jeanne apologized for cutting dinner short but made it clear she was available for breakfast.

So after a fitful sleep, Tony drove to the hospital to pick up his fake girlfriend and find a cheap diner with a fabulous breakfast spread while she told him all about her hectic night shift. When he dropped her off, Tony checked his regular cellphone only to see two more missed calls from Ziva, and banged his head against the seat. This day was not cooperating with him.

He was excited to see Gibbs and McGee back, but frowned when Ziva didn't get off the elevator with them. Gibbs had left her in Edenvale to keep an eye on their suspect/victim while they ran down a few leads. It was later that afternoon when McGee discovered the missing piece in Ruby's report and brought her in to explain. Then the three of them headed out again with a new purpose in mind. As ordered, Tony didn't leave the office until he'd caught up on backlogged reports and it was evening before he could finally head home. A call from McGee informed him they caught the terrorists and were released for the night. That sent Tony into high gear and he got home as fast as he could, concerned about Ziva's reaction. It had been almost two days and he really needed to see her.

**NCIS**

The words had echoed in Ziva's head all day. _Aww, you two got married and didn't tell me._ She wondered if Gibbs would still laugh when he learned the truth. Absently she traced the empty spot on her left ring finger as she sat on the couch staring at a blank TV screen. The door to their house burst open and she jumped up just in time for Tony to gather her into his arms. Desperate, frantic kisses took priority over logic and explanation until Ziva remembered how worried she'd been. Pushing away, she glared at her husband.

"Where were you? Why did you not answer your phone?"

Tony pressed his lips to hers again. "I'm sorry sweetheart. I left after I talked to you last night and this morning she wanted to go out for breakfast. I forgot my phone was on silent and I didn't think things would take so long. Then I couldn't get you because the cell service in that hick town was so spotty."

Ziva's eyes shadowed and she blinked back tears, focusing her gaze on the front of his shirt. "Did you sleep with her?" They both knew it was still a possibility and though Ziva hated the thought of her husband being intimate with another woman when they had been faithful to each other for all the months of their marriage, neither did she want him put in danger of having his cover blown. She also wondered, despite all their hard work on their relationship, if that was the reason he hadn't taken her calls.

Tony waited until she looked at him. "No, I didn't. And I'm still going to do everything I can to keep that from happening. You know I don't want to." Several months ago he never would've imagined turning down offers of sex from beautiful women, but marrying his partner had changed all that and now he never wanted to be with anyone but her. After the 'if you always do what you've always done' speech and making it clear that he wasn't ready to rush anything, next up was playing on his fear of commitment and a convincing story about being a devout Catholic, if necessary.

Ziva had no reason not to trust him, because ever since he'd taken the assignment, Tony had told her about every touch, every kiss, every date. He wore his wedding ring every second he wasn't at work or in the company of the doctor and never took for granted a moment of the time he and Ziva had together, because most days it was all too brief. She threw her arms around him and nestled her head in his neck, breathing in his familiar scent. For the longest time Tony just held her, then they finally sat down and Ziva caught him up on the case.

Eventually there was no more to tell and Tony leaned his head back on the sofa cushion, blowing out a breath. "Do you ever think about the consequences Zi, the price we'll pay for keeping this secret when it finally all comes out?"

She studied the pattern on the carpet for awhile before answering. "No," Ziva said at last. "This is our life Tony. It is our choice what we do with it. Gibbs' opinion, McGee's, Abby's...none of them matter more than ours." Her brow furrowed. "I know we are a team and we all care for each other, but that does not mean anyone else has a right to tell us who we are allowed to love and spend our time with."

"So if we lost everything and everyone..." Tony ventured.

Ziva caressed his cheek. "I would still have no regrets for saying yes. You are my husband Tony, my family. That is the only thing that matters to me."

When she finished Tony turned her face toward him and captured her lips, drawing it out until they were both left breathless. He pulled back to look at her. "I love you. Please tell me you know that even on days like today."

Ziva flattened one hand over his heart and stroked his cheek with the other. "I know. I love you also. We are okay Tony."

He let out a breath and settled Ziva against his side, content for now just to have her close. Later, in the privacy of their bedroom, Tony would show his wife the love he professed in the most tangible way they had of expressing their feelings. But until then he just wanted to sit here with their fingers tangled together and her head on his shoulder, listening to her breathe. This was the only reality he wanted.

_Sarah - haha...yeah, I have to agree with you on that one. I pretty much laugh the whole time I watch that scene, and every time I think of it too ;) I'm glad you liked the addition of T's thoughts, that's one of my favourite scene from this chapter. Yeah, Ziva's dangerous and don't you forget it! Really? You've never heard that phrase? Wow, that makes me feel really old. Maybe it's an older saying, I'm not sure. Anyhow, it basically means you give up/are asking for mercy. Does that make sense? I have no idea what the origins are tho, because the phrase itself doesn't make much sense. Anyhow...haha, yeah, I'd have to say Z getting pregnant would kind of ruin the secret thing they've got going on. You're right, this wasn't a comfortable chapter and that's a good point, that there isn't any one person to blame or be angry at. I hate writing conflict, sot he fight wasn't fun, but I'm glad they didn't just push it away, that they talked and tried to deal with it even if it wasn't easy. I'm sure T's confession hurt Z's heart, but his honesty also cemented her trust in him, no matter what. Thanks for reviewing Sarah! :)_


	13. 4x14 Blowback

_A/N: Hey guys! Thanks so much for all the reviews and comments and messages, I'm enjoying watching your reaction to this story. I guess I should've mentioned last chapter, for anyone that was curious, Gibbs' 'aww, you two got married and didn't tell me' line was actually the inspiration for this series. I heard it and couldn't get the 'what ifs' out of my head. And on another note, I'm basically finished writing S4 so we're going to try every other day updates for awhile and see how that works. I don't know about anyone else, but I don't have much patience to wait once I'm done with a chapter. So I hope you all enjoy and thanks for reading!_

Once Tony and Ziva pulled off their masks in the van that now housed the arms dealer Goliath, Tony grinned and gunned the engine. "It's kinda fun to play the bad guys."

She ran a hand through her loose hair. "That almost felt like old times. In Mossad we often made people disappear."

He wove their fingers together. "Are you bored at NCIS? No undercover missions, no assassinations, nothing that really tests your skills?"

Ziva considered the question. "I think," she said slowly, "that I miss some things. But working with people I trust, becoming part of a family, finding a home for my heart - those outweigh everything else."

Tony kissed the back of her hand. "Glad to hear it."

He had fun joking back and forth with Ziva and Gibbs as Goliath's expense while they waited in the plane for the information they needed. It didn't matter what Ziva was saying in Hebrew, her speaking another language always turned him on, but a smile and some light laughter had to cover that, even if the dark look in his eyes conveyed to his wife everything she needed to know. The only problem was being in an enclosed space with Gibbs. One wrong glance, an accidental touch, the tone of their voices - anything could potentially give them away. But the boss barely paid any attention to his agents, choosing to keep his focus on his crossword puzzle. For that, Tony was grateful.

After the fun was over and they were back at the office, his phone rang and while McGee tried to give an update that Gibbs consistently interrupted with information he already knew, Tony chose to slip out unnoticed. When Gibbs gave the order for Tony and Ziva to get Harrow from his house, she turned around to find her partner had disappeared. Ziva scanned the area with a frown, wishing he would warn her when he was leaving, but knowing Tony probably couldn't handle looking into her eyes and knowing what he was about to do.

As it turned out, he wasn't that hard to find in the alcove on his cell, and Tony sent himself back to his desk before Gibbs had to say a word. The empty bullpen shouted loudly of something that he'd missed and the senior field agent could only hope his wife was more forgiving than their team leader. To say that Gibbs was unimpressed with his extra-curricular activities would be putting it mildly. Tony knew when he was in hot water and right now everyone seemed to be taking a turn holding the pot.

**NCIS**

While Ziva was taking some of her frustration out on McGee, Tony was being forced to tell a bold-faced lie to Gibbs when the image of Trent Kort popped up unexpectedly on the plasma. The name meant nothing to him, but he'd seen that man before and neither time was a fond memory, even if he was a decent tipper. Running up the stairs to report to Jenny had unforseen consequences when he walked in on Cynthia doing a quick repair job on a broken bra strap.

Tony was embarrassed, almost as much for himself as for the director, and though he had no interest at all in older redheads, the scene reminded him of how long it had been since he'd seen anyone but his wife in that little clothing. And rather than feel sorry for himself, Tony was distinctly proud of how well he was making the transition from playboy to monogamous married man.

They managed to get past the awkwardness as he launched into an update, remembering Ziva's rather...expressive reaction when she found out about Goliath and went on a Hebrew spiel that he assumed had something to do with countrymen and betrayal and perhaps wishing she could be left alone with him in a dark room for a few minutes. But as he didn't speak Hebrew yet, those were all just guesses. As soon as Gibbs entered the picture and started deliberately antagonizing his former partner, Tony made a quick and silent exit and waited for the reaction he knew was coming regarding lying to his boss.

**NCIS**

Despite it mostly saving their cover, Ziva was relatively unimpressed to have McGee acting so free with her and using a nickname that even Tony had been forbidden from uttering again. It died after their first undercover assignment and she had hoped never to hear it again. Neither was she happy at the shift in orders, because Gibbs did not often change his mind and this was an unexpected move.

Back in the bullpen Tony overheard Jenny and Gibbs' continued argument, including the comment about him refusing to have a part-time senior field agent. Technically Gibbs couldn't fire him, that was the director's call. But being the uncompromising man he was, he could definitely make Tony's life miserable if he stayed on the team and continued his current activities. Just what he needed, another thing to stress him out. It didn't get any better when Gibbs left partway through the briefing Tony was giving or when the director appeared to agree with his assessment that the team leader would never forgive them for being kept in the dark.

Gibbs attempt at making him feel better failed when he didn't answer yes to Tony's question about lying to Franks, but at least he tried. Then McGee and Ziva's follow-and-do-not-approach orders were ruined by a couple guys who wouldn't take no for an answer and poor Mr. Harrow made it to the top of the plaza steps only to unexpectedly expire. Of course, the way Jenny flipped out on Ziva and McGee for doing their jobs didn't help the situation, though Tony did find their little exchange amusing, except for the rage that was practically spewing off the director.

He was glad to escape the situation and take a car ride with his wife, even if she was doing the driving. Her confusion about pirates vs. pirated made him want to bang his head against a wall, and he decided that even if _Pirates of the Caribbean _wasn't his favourite film, they would have to sit down and watch it in the very near future just so Ziva could appreciate the wonder that was Captain Jack Sparrow. But he had to admit, needlestack did make much more sense than

haystack.

Tony and Ziva stood close enough together to be touching while McGee explained how he and Abby had found Aries and Jenny appeared demanding answers. A lightbulb hit McGee when he talked about monitoring Harrow's internet use and he remembered the café had free access. Ziva joined him at his desk with the name of the establishment and Tony edged in behind her, then leaned over to put his head level with hers, keeping their shoulders in contact. Ziva glanced his way but said nothing and didn't move, enjoying the subtle heat of his body and the faint scent of aftershave. It was a wonder no one commented on their proximity, but there were currently other priorities.

**NCIS**

Tony would come back to that first conversation later when he and Ziva were dressed in black and laying on top of an extremely cold shipping container, binoculars and sniper rifle aimed at a private plane a few miles inside the Canadian border. It was the first time he'd really gotten to see Ziva in mission mode. She lay perfectly still, adjusting the specifications on her weapon and barely even taking her eyes off the target.

Watching her was fascinating, but a bit off-putting to know that she could so easily flip a switch and become the steely eyed killer again. Her focus was almost scary until he mentioned tagging luggage. Ziva glanced at him. "That was when Jenny had you undercovers."

Tony rolled his eyes. "Undercover, not undercovers. But personally, under covers sounds pretty good to me. Also a fantastic way to warm up after freezing our butts off out here."

Ziva checked her scope. "Do you really want to bargain with me while I am holding a sniper rifle Tony?"

He gulped and backpedaled. "Uh, no, not really. Come to think of it, I'll just wait over here until you're...disarmed." Tony shuffled closer to the edge and peered over the side. "Long way down."

Ziva nudged him with her foot. "I would not let you fall."

Before he could comment things got very tense for a few seconds and Tony could see Ziva's frustration at losing the target. But even though he and Jeanne weren't truly involved, Tony was glad that she didn't have to lose the father she adored yet. His betrayal would be great enough, she didn't deserve two.

_Replies:_

_Anon (MIT12) - wow, you read the whole thing? Awesome! I'm so glad to hear you like it. You're welcome. Thanks for reviewing! :)_

_Sarah - you're welcome. Thanks. T&Z really needed those two weeks of alone time. I'm glad you liked the stuff they did together. Personally I think laughter can be healing. If they can laugh together, they can find a way to make things work. haha...I probably should've mentioned at the beginning of the chapter that Gibbs' line was the inspiration for the whole series. I heard it and couldn't stop the 'what if' thoughts in my head. So voila, Moments In Time. T&Z talking about consequences was a little add in that wasn't in the original version of the chapter, but I like Z's answer, I'm glad you did too. I think there's always consequences for keeping a secret like that, but at the same time and at the end of the day, the team is family and nobody gets left behind. Thanks for reviewing! :)_


	14. 4x15 Friends and Lovers

Ziva laughed when Tony carried a bowl of cereal into the evidence garage. She stepped close and ran her fingers down his chest. "If you had not wanted to stay in bed this morning, you would not have to be eating breakfast at the office."

Tony smirked. "You don't think I'd give up food to have you?"

She chuckled. "Man cannot live on sex alone."

He grabbed her hips and pulled her against him. "I can try."

A millisecond before he would've kissed her, the elevator dinged and she pushed him away to greet her class, while Tony leaned over a crate to enjoy his cereal and Ziva's lesson. When it was his turn, a cocky smile claimed the senior field agent's face. "Watch and learn boys and girls." He expertly pulled his arm back and let the knife fly, then retrieved it from the center of his target. At their shocked looks Tony quickly related his camp story to explain.

After Lee nearly skewered Gibbs, Tony and Ziva decided to take the stairs to avoid his ire, as well as for a chance to hold hands for four flights. Halfway up, Ziva turned to her husband. "I am impressed by your skills with a knife. I did not realize you were so resourceful Tony. Now I am sure I can trust you to have my back."

Tony stopped. "You weren't sure before?"

Ziva leaned in to let him claim the kiss he was denied before. "Now I am more sure."

He grinned and captured her lips again, then reluctantly pulled away before he got too attached to the idea. Gibbs wouldn't wait and if they were late to a crime scene, he'd have their heads. Picking up the pace, Tony and Ziva took the stairs two at a time, arriving with just enough seconds to grab their gear and catch the elevator. That had been close.

**NCIS**

Tony waited by the bar for Jeanne to get off her phone call. He heard snatches of what she said and was reminded of a couple weeks ago when she mentioned an ex-boyfriend. She closed the phone and tried to smile, but the tension was clear in her eyes. He handed her the drink and raised an eyebrow. "Your mystery friend?"

Her lips tightened into a line. "He's not a problem."

Tony leaned an elbow on the bar, watching her gulp the colourful liquid in her glass. "How many times has he called?"

Jeanne closed her eyes. "Please Tony, not tonight."

"The more you keep a secret, the curiouser I'm going to get," he warned, already thinking leaps and bounds ahead, wondering if this was his way out. Tony could do jealous and he could claim lack of trust, as ironic as that was. Perhaps this was his key to the beginning of the end.

She sighed. "Later, okay? Tonight I only want to enjoy being with you."

He gave up for now. "You look beautiful." It was a boyfriend thing to say, but Tony couldn't help thinking of Ziva every time he used the word. She was confident in her looks and ability to turn men into putty, but she'd also been used by a lot of creeps in her lifetime, and he was pretty sure Ziva never completely believed him when he told her how beautiful she was. So Tony vowed to keep saying it until she did.

They sat at a high table and Jeanne pushed a box his way, talking about Valentine's Day. Tony's eyes widened and his heart stumbled. Valentine's Day was this week? Oh man, and he hadn't even thought about what to do for Ziva, let alone the gesture he'd have to make for Jeanne to be believable. But in classic DiNozzo style, he faked his way through a reaction, wincing inwardly when she snapped the platinum hospital bracelet on his wrist. Ziva was not going to like that.

Jeanne leaned her head on her hand when he awkwardly explained that her gift was still at the store. "Do you know how nice it is to be with someone who doesn't even lie about the little things?"

Tony grinned, but the smile only covered how much he wished that were true. They made it through the rest of the evening without event, and he kissed her longer when they said goodbye, but as soon as Jeanne was tucked safely in her cab, he fell back against the side of his car and took the bracelet off, wondering what he was going to do. This was so far from okay.

**NCIS**

Ziva got back from her swim that night and found Tony sitting on the couch, staring at the jewellery. She dropped her things and joined him, taking care to keep her tone neutral. "What is that?"

He sighed heavily. "My Valentine's Day present." Swallowing, Tony turned to look at his wife. "She's falling in love with me Zi. She's a nice girl and I'm going to ruin her life."

Ziva slid her fingers gently through his hair. "You are a good man. I know why she would fall for you."

Tony groaned. "I just want this over. I hate what I'm doing to both of you, I hate being in so deep I can't see a way out. This was supposed to be an assignment Ziva, when did I start to care?"

She took the shiny band from him and set it on the coffee table, resisting the urge to glare at it. "Caring is in your nature Tony. You are so far from the playboy now that you do not remember how to do no strings attached."

He eyed her warily. "Why are you being so understanding? Why aren't you ranting and raving about the unfairness?"

Ziva held his hands in hers. "Because this is not your fault, and you are not trying to hurt anyone."

Tony stared deep into her chocolate irises, then fell into her arms, utterly worn out from all the pretending. Ziva kissed his ear and murmured soothing things in a mixture of languages, her arms tight about Tony's body. Finally a whispered 'thank you' dropped from his lips and Ziva knew she was doing the right thing. Her husband needed her and she was determined to keep her end of the deal, to stick by him no matter what.

**NCIS**

When Ziva realized who the sketch reminded her of - Shakira - she decided to imitate her style of dancing just to cheer Tony up. But his gaze never wavered from the screen and she eventually gave up. He caught her in the breakroom soon after and settled his hands on her waist. Feeling her resistance, he sighed. "Zi..."

Her posture slumped. "I was doing that for you. Just a glance would have been enough."

Tony pulled her close, lowering his head beside hers. "Do you know how hard I had to work not to stare with you wiggling your hips right in front of me? If I looked up I would've had to touch you."

A smile seeped into her voice. "That is frowned upon in the workplace."

He chuckled. "Hence the reason I pretended my computer was more interesting than my beautiful wife trying to get my attention."

Ziva turned then and patted his cheek. "You are forgiven." She looked around, kissed his jaw quickly, and disappeared around the corner with her tea, leaving Tony to try and wipe the silly smile off his face before he went back to work. He never took these moments for granted anymore. They'd been so close to losing all of this and every minute with Ziva was his own precious gift.

**NCIS**

Later that day Ziva caught him looking at travel pictures and leaned over his shoulder. "Where are we going?"

He was intent on his mission. "That's for me to know and you to find out."

She tilted her head so her hair fell over his arm. "Are we asking permission?"

Tony turned slightly and grinned. "I thought we'd just ride off into the sunset."

Ziva kissed his cheek. "We would get fired."

His voice was tight as his body responded to her touch. "We've got holiday time."

She raised an eyebrow. "And you do not think it would look a little suspicious if we take it together?"

Tony frowned and faced her. "You're the professional liar - put a different destination and date on your request and I'll meet you somewhere. Please Ziva," he pleaded when she was silent, "we need this."

Ziva put careful thought into the idea. "It would be nice to have you all to myself. But," her expression hardened, "your cell phones do not come."

He grinned in relief and spun back around. "Deal."

She leaned down again and breathed on his ear just to watch him squirm. "Very well, deal." They finally had something to look forward to.

**NCIS**

They were alone in Observation after Detective Carson left and Ziva spun around to look at her husband, arms crossed and eyebrow lifted. "Feeling a little possessive when the detective was flirting with me?" He'd been awfully quick to interrupt John's attempt to keep her attention.

He shrugged. "Maybe."

Ziva patted his chest. "It is nice to feel wanted."

Tony snaked his arms around her waist and drew her close, pushing dark hair over her shoulder. "There's never a moment when I don't Zi."

She kissed him, trying very hard to believe his words, but it was never easy when she knew he was being pulled in two directions.

**NCIS**

Tony showed up at the hospital with the tickets he'd purchased for him and Ziva to go away. It was a mean trick, but something would have to come up so he couldn't make it. Despite their slow pace, if they went away for a weekend, Jeanne would expect sex and that was where Tony drew the line. But to his surprise, she greeted him with a hug and kiss and a huge smile.

"What could be more romantic than a Bermuda weekend?"

Tony gave her a half-grin and waved the brochure he held. "A weekend in the Bahamas?" He saw the moment reality sank in and Jeanne's expression blanked as she tore the tickets into tiny pieces. Thinking about how to approach the situation, Tony slid his hands into his pockets. "That was unexpected."

Her eyes flashed. "It is over between us Tony."

Tony cocked an eyebrow. "Are you sure?"

The shot hit home and Jeanne grabbed his arm, dragging him to the stairwell. She faced him with crossed arms. "I can't believe you just said that."

He mimicked her stance. "Well how would you feel if I had an ex-girlfriend always calling and sending emails and planning romantic getaways?"

Jeanne shook her head. "I would trust you to handle it."

"And if I didn't?" Tony pressed.

"Then it would be your problem," she insisted calmly.

Tony regarded her carefully. "If you want this to be just your problem, maybe it should be." Jeanne's mouth fell open, but he wanted to be clear. "Maybe you should meet with this guy, find out where you heart really lies. Because the way you're acting, I don't know if it's really over for you either." Her eyes filled with tears and he felt like a heel, but this was important. "See you later Jeanne." Then Tony walked out, leaving an emotional mess of a pretend girlfriend in the stairwell to sort out her thoughts alone. It was time for some tough love.

**NCIS**

That night Tony and Ziva sat at home on the couch, watching a movie and not feeling a need to talk. He'd been ignoring Jeanne's calls all day and finally shut his phone off, but hadn't yet explained the reason why to Ziva. When the credits started to scroll through, he hit the power button on the remote and shifted to face her. "I want to tell you something," Tony began, taking her hands, "but I don't want to get your hopes up in case I'm wrong."

Ziva tilted her head to the side and listened. He let out a breath. "There's an old boyfriend trying to get back into Jeanne's life. We had a...discussion today and I'm pushing her to figure out what she wants." Ziva's eyes lit with hope and he shrugged. "I don't know if anything will come of it, but it would be really nice if this ended up being the answer to our problem."

She reached out and traced his face with gentle fingers. "I will try to be patient."

Tony pressed her hand to his cheek and turned his head slightly to kiss her palm. "I love you."

Her smile was faint but genuine as she nestled herself into his side. "I trust you," she whispered against his neck. And that was really everything Tony needed to know.

**NCIS**

Ziva was drawn out of sleep the next morning by the feeling of something soft sliding up her neck, across her cheeks, and over her eyelids. She smiled slowly and stretched, finally blinking at her husband, propped up on one elbow and watching her with an adoring expression. "Good morning."

Tony leaned down to kiss her. "Happy Valentine's Day babe," he whispered, handing her the rose he'd used to wake her up.

She breathed in the delicate scent and beckoned him down to join their lips again. "Happy Valentine's Day," Ziva murmured onto his skin.

Tony reached under his pillow and pulled out the vacation tickets he'd purchased. "It might only be for a couple days, but having you all to myself with no one else watching and wondering is worth every penny."

Ziva opened the brochure and imagined she and Tony playing in the water, lounging on the beach, and making love in the open, airy room as an ocean breeze played with the curtains on their balcony. "I agree." She turned over and fit her fingers between the mattress and box springs, drawing out a shiny black bag Tony recognized instantly as being from a lingerie store. His eyes lit up when he peered inside and held up the lacy, silky, sheer red number.

"I don't know if it's really my size Zi," he teased, his grin telling a different story.

She pushed him onto his back and pressed her lips to his throat. "Perhaps it would look better on me, yes?"

Tony's heated gaze raked over her body, currently clothed in one of his old t-shirts. "Uh, yeah, yeah, I like that idea."

Ziva kissed the corner of his mouth. "Until tonight my love."

He wasn't about to let her escape that easily and pulled her on top of him. Ziva eased her fingers up his neck, her sleep-tousled hair falling around them and blocking out the world. Tony drank in the sight of his wife for a long moment before taking her face in his hands and bring her close enough to fit their lips together. The couple drew on their connection, mouths meeting and melding over and over, trying to make it last as long as possible. Finally Ziva brushed her lips over his a final time and moved slowly to get up without hurting him.

Tony sighed and lay back as she went for a shower. Their first Valentine's Day and at work he had to pretend like it didn't mean anything. He was thinking of ways to get Ziva alone without anyone noticing when she poked her head around the door, wondering why he hadn't joined her yet. Grinning, Tony leapt off the bed and followed his wife. This just kept getting better and better.

**NCIS**

All during the day Tony made it his mission to surprise Ziva. When she reached into her bag to give McGee money for the coffee run, she found a heart shaped piece of chocolate on a stick. Opening her drawer to get a pen revealed a small bag of cinnamon hearts. A scrap of paper in the back pocket of her jeans held 'I love you' in Tony's scrawl. Flowers were delivered with the card signed simply 'Your Secret Admirer'. Inside her filing cabinet hid a soft brown teddy bear holding a heart between his paws which read 'All My Love For You'. It was all she could do not to look at her husband and give everything away. No one had ever treated her like she was special before.

But standing close in Observation even if others were around, squeezing his hand briefly as they walked down the hall, slipping her own notes between folders and under reports, and a few quick kisses stolen in the momentarily stopped elevator conveyed her appreciation enough that Tony had a hard time scraping the smile off his face so Gibbs wouldn't notice. Then he got tasked for surveillance with John and for the time being their fun had to end.

In the communications van Tony pulled out some sports magazines, but couldn't help a glance at Carson's GSM. He coughed and looked away, shrugging when the other man raised an eyebrow. "I probably shouldn't be looking at it anyways. I'm trying to wrap my head around the idea of a monogamous relationship."

John whistled. "That takes some serious re-training."

"Tell me about it." Tony ran his fingers through his hair and thought back to when he first decided Ziva was going to be more than just a friend or partner. He stopped looking at other women, only flirted when he was at work and sometimes while getting coffee, and eventually even threw out all his men's magazines, wanting to show that he was serious. Ziva had never been respected as a woman, only used for her looks and what she could give guys, so his change in treatment of her made a huge impact.

John took in Tony's deep in thought expression and sighed. "You're not in love, are you?"

He kept his eyes on his own reading material. "Could be." _Absolutely. I've been in love for months. And I can say almost for certain that it started at my surprise party a year ago._

Carson chuckled. "Could be, my friend, isn't-"

"Isn't love," Tony finished. "I know, I know. It's complicated." _You have no idea how complicated_.

John flipped a couple pages. "Aren't they all?"

Tony shook his head. "No, usually they're pretty simple - fall in love, three weeks later fall out of love."

"That's been my life," John agreed. "Except for once. I got engaged."

Surprise took over Tony's face. "What happened?"

John snorted. "What do you think? I screwed it up. I, um, slept with her best friend."

Tony winced, remembering the end of his first engagement years ago. Gibbs was the only one who knew that story. "Yikes. That's a big one."

He sighed. "Yeah, I know. She was the one, too. Smart, beautiful, funny. The whole marriage package."

Tony quickly looked over the monitors. "Did you ever think about apologizing, trying again with her?"

John nodded once. "I have, and I gave her a long time before I contacted her after we broke up. But, I don't know," he sighed. "She told me today that she's seeing someone else. I'm just not sure if I'm ready to let her go."

Before he could comment, Tony's phone rang and when he saw the number for the hospital, he got in the front and closed the door for privacy. Tony stared at the screen for a moment, then finally picked up the call. "Hello."

"Tony, it's Jeanne."

"Caller ID," he said shortly, still deciding on his approach.

She sighed. "Look, you were right yesterday. Maybe it wasn't over for me. If it was, I would've told him about you."

Tony's eyebrow rose. "He doesn't know?" That might work in his favour.

Jeanne tucked some hair behind her ear. "He does now."

His tone was cautious. "Why didn't you tell him before?"

She switched the phone to the other side and wrapped an arm around her waist. "Because I didn't want to answer all the stupid questions men ask when it's over and they know there's another man in your life."

Tony nodded. "Like 'Is he better looking than me?' or 'Does he do things for you that I didn't?'"

Jeanne licked her lips. "Exactly like that."

He settled on keeping up some of the jealous persona. "So is he?" She didn't say anything and he forced a chuckle. "That was a joke, sorta."

Jeanne caved. "You're better in almost all categories Tony."

Tony let disbelief seep into his voice. "Almost?"

Her apology was half-hearted. "That was a joke, sorta." A page came over the intercom system and she sighed. "I gotta go. See you later?"

He shook his head. "Maybe tomorrow. I've got some things to think about." And there was no way he was ditching Ziva on the eve of Valentine's Day. "Be nice to the nurses."

She murmured something he didn't quite catch that might've been in French and hung up. Tony let out a breath and rejoined Detective Carson. The man barely glanced at him and gave a low whistle. "Oh, I know that look."

Tony frowned. "What look?"

He lifted his chin. "The cold feet look. You asked her to marry you and now you wonder if your life is over?"

Tony sat down. "I didn't ask her to marry me."

Carson eyed him. "You gonna?"

He fiddled with the cuffs on his jacket. "Too soon to tell."

John got out his thermos. "How long's it been?"

Tony counted back, though every day of this mission was marked on his memory. "Four months."

"Should know something by now," John put in.

"Yeah, well, I want to be sure," Tony insisted, then put on a half-grin. "I don't want to end up like you."

He poured some coffee. "That's easy."

"Yeah?" Tony asked. "Don't cheat?"

"Don't drink," Carson corrected. When the other man just stared at him, he sighed. "You think I'd have blown the best thing that ever happened to me if I was sober?"

Tony looked away. "Sorry."

John shrugged. "Don't be. Because of her, I quit drinking."

Tony watched him sip his coffee. "Don't give up John. If she means that much to you, do everything you can to make it up to her, try to win her back."

He stared at the steaming liquid. "How do you make up for something like that?"

"I don't know." Tony played with his watch. "Maybe you just need to show her that she's worth fighting for."

"Hm." John listened to the advice but didn't say much and Tony was content to sit back and keep an eye on the club. But he had a strange feeling he'd heard this story somewhere before. It was familiar, and if he could just pinpoint whatever was niggling at the back of his mind, maybe all the pieces would fall into place.

**NCIS**

It was quite a bit later when Gibbs announced that they had a way into the club - a Mr. Thom E. Gemcity. Tony groaned at the idea of McGee getting to be the hero, and his mouth fell open when Abby, Ziva, and Michelle stepped out of the limo with him. Even though he knew it was an assignment, he had to clench his teeth when he saw his wife in the tiny little black dress that barely hit mid-thigh, hanging onto the probie like an adoring fan. Tony couldn't help but wish it was him she was snuggled up to in that outfit, him watching her dance to the deafening club music, him dancing with her to the upbeat songs, knowing he wouldn't be able to keep his hands or eyes off her and every other guy in the club would wish he was in Tony's shoes. Then the senior field agent remembered the gift he'd opened that morning, and figured he was still getting the best end of the deal.

When they ran out of the van to get the club owner just after he'd killed their witness, Tony never expected it to go badly. Two cops against one bad guy should've been even odds, especially with back up on the way. But then John fell to the ground and Tony rushed over, putting pressure on the bleeding wound in his abdomen. Carson coughed, closing his eyes. "Hang on John," Tony urged, yelling at Gibbs to call an ambulance when he heard running footsteps.

"Uhhh," John groaned, wincing at Tony's hands pressed harder on the injured spot. Then he swallowed, and blinked, sweat starting to break out along his face and neck. "Tony."

Tony was anxiously listening for sirens, but forced himself to pay attention. "Yeah?"

He coughed and grabbed the agent's wrist. "That girl I...told you about? Call her...works at Monroe."

Tony's heart sank and he closed his eyes as everything suddenly became clear, knowing without asking who John was talking about. He nodded. "I'll call her. But don't you dare think about giving up John, you're going to be fine."

Blood started to trickle from the corner of his mouth. "You're a...terrible liar DiNozzo," John wheezed.

The ambulance arrived and paramedics took over, but all Tony could do was stand and watch, his hands sticky with the detective's blood. Knowing what he had to do, the senior field agent gave Gibbs his badge and gun and went with John to the hospital. While the paramedics were working on the shot cop and rapidly firing instructions and information at each other, Tony slid to the far end of the bench, for privacy as well as to stay out of the way, and dialed a familiar number on his undercover cell.

Jeanne picked up the call after two rings. "So you're still speaking to me?"

Tony sighed. "I have some not so great news."

She frowned. "What's wrong?"

"I'm on the way to the hospital." Before he could clarify, Jeanne reacted.

"The hospital? Why? What's wrong? Are you hurt? What's the bad news?"

"Jeanne, Jeanne," he called, trying to get her attention. "It's not me, okay? But I think it's someone you know. Detective John Carson."

Her breath rushed out. "John? My John?"

With those words Tony knew this wasn't over for her either, if she could still think of him like that. "He's been shot."

Tears filled her voice. "No." Then the doctor in her took over. "Where?"

"Abdomen, lower left side. We're in the ambulance now."

"I don't understand. Tony how do you know him? Why are you with him?"

Tony tried to think of a way to tell her that didn't include one more lie and came close. "Wrong place, right time I guess. I heard the shot, ran down an alley and there he was. I know enough from first aid to put pressure on a wound, his back up called an ambulance as soon as they got there, and you know the stuff people say when they think they're going to die. He told me about you, about what happened, wanted me to call you." He sighed, trying to get the right inflection in his voice. "I think you should be available when we get there Jeanne, he's going to want to see a familiar face."

There was silence on the line and finally Jeanne nodded. "I'll meet you in Emerg." Then she hung up and Tony hoped he was doing the right thing.

**NCIS**

True to her word, Jeanne met them as the paramedics rushed John in on a gurney. She listened to the details, talked to the doctor treating him and barely spared Tony a second glance. Carson was taken immediately into surgery to remove the bullet and repair the damage, and Jeanne scrubbed in, knowing she was too close to assist but wanting to be there nonetheless. That left Tony in the waiting room, texting a concerned Ziva and apologizing about their plans as he waited for news.

After what felt like several hours, Jeanne came out looking drawn and pale. She crossed her arms when she got closer to him. "It was close, but he's going to make it."

Tony shut his eyes and breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank God." Losing a cop in the line of duty sucked, especially when he'd been right there. He looked her over. "Are you okay?"

Jeanne started shaking her head as tears spilled down her cheeks. "No, I'm not." She stared at him. "I don't know what to do Tony. I know...how I feel about you, but John..."

He shoved his hands in his pockets. "It's okay Jeanne, I get it. Look, we've had a few months and it's been fun, but you guys had years together. I'm not trying to be noble here, but he really loves you, I could tell. He knows he blew it, and I know drinking isn't an excuse, but he's sober now. He said he never would've messed up the best thing that ever happened to him if he hadn't been drinking." Tony ran his fingers through his hair and met her gaze, honesty shining out of his green eyes. "I think...I think you should give him a second chance."

She came to him for a hug and he held her tightly, trying to absorb her grief. Jeanne leaned up to kiss his cheek and slowly backed away, wanting to be around when John came out of the anaesthetic. Tony didn't know what her answer was going to be, but he hoped that she'd make the right choice for her, for them, and for her and John. Their hearts were all on the line and Tony didn't want to be responsible for breaking the one entrusted to him. Right now it was time to go home and be with his wife.

**NCIS**

Jeanne was pacing back and forth across the room when John finally started stirring. She stopped by the side of his bed and John blinked, smiling at her. "Hey Cat. Didn't think you'd come." Her middle name was Katerina, and he'd never been comfortable with Jeanne and John, so he always called her by the nickname.

She swallowed and tried hard to glare at him. "You're such an idiot. How many times have I told you to wear your stupid vest, huh? I should kill you myself for being so foolish."

He cleared his throat and Jeanne reached for the glass of water on the nightstand, holding the straw to his lips. John drank gratefully and lay back on the pillows. "At least let me recover from getting shot first."

Jeanne wanted to hit him, to rant and rave and scream at him for all the hurt, but right now all she could see were the warm brown eyes that she'd always been able to fall into, the crooked smile she'd responded to every time, and the care in his voice that had never gone away. John could see it all flashing across her face and he shifted, wincing at the very real pain in his side that told him how close this call had been.

"Talk to me Cat, please."

She perched gingerly on the edge of the bed, mindful of his injury. "I spent so long hating you for what you did, for betraying me like that, for hurting me. I gave you everything John, all of my heart and I'd promised you my life too, then you just turned around and trampled it like that didn't mean anything to you."

His eyes were fixed on her empty ring finger. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I hurt you. I'm sorry that I was an idiot. I'm sorry for drinking, because that's what got me into this mess. And I'm sorry for not treating you like the gift you were. I will never forget the way you looked at me when you found out, I've carried that betrayal around with me for the last year. But I never stopped loving you Cat and I'm asking, I'm begging you for a second chance. I know there's no reason you should give me one, but if you do, I promise I'll take it seriously this time. I won't ever make the same mistake again."

Jeanne closed her eyes and more tears leaked out beneath her lashes. John lifted a heavy hand and brushed at a couple of them, waiting for her answer. "I got your email," she whispered. "I always loved that picture. And sometimes I think I still hate you, but when I look at how happy we were, I remember what it was like when things were good." She rubbed her forehead, trying to get her thoughts straight. "I want to forgive you John, but it's...it's going to take some time for me to trust you again. And I'm seeing someone else, I'm not sure I want to give him up."

John's expression was pained. "He's a good guy, huh?"

"The best," she explained simply.

"Okay." He'd tried, but he wanted her to be happy more than he wanted anything for himself.

Jeanne heard the resignation in his tone and gently laid her palm on his chest, over his heart. "I'm not saying no John, I'm saying I need time. Can you give me that?"

He stared into her eyes. "For a second chance Cat, I'd give you anything."

She leaned down to press her cheek to his, and whispered in his ear. "I'm glad you're okay." Then she sat back up and glared at him. "But if you ever go on the job without your vest again, I will sic my mother on you."

John chuckled and held his hands up in surrender. "Oh, not Helen, anyone but her! That woman is scary."

Jeanne smiled a little. "It's important to fear mothers, they can get away with anything."

He let the mood grow serious again. "Take your time Cat, just...remember what I said, okay?"

She nodded and stood to leave. "Don't give the nurses a hard time, I'll be asking for a report when I get in tomorrow."

John sighed. "Sure, take away all my fun." At her raised eyebrow, he gave her a small smile. "I'll be on my best behaviour, promise."

"Okay." Jeanne turned at the door. "Was I really the best thing that ever happened to you?"

John's eyes were clear and honest despite the pain meds he was pumped full of. "You always will be."

She left, closing the door halfway and found a dark, quiet corner of the hospital to cry in. For so long she had tried to get over John and what he'd done, she'd finally convinced herself she was ready for another relationship. And she cared for Tony, he was a good man, but she knew in her heart that she would always love John. Now the decision remained - let go of a man who had the potential to be part of her future and take back the one who'd broken her heart in the first place, or say goodbye to the first love of her life and hope she wouldn't spend the rest of her years thinking about him while someone else tried to take his place in her heart. She had a lot of thinking to do. This time there were no easy answers.

**NCIS**

Ziva was waiting up for her husband when he finally got home long after midnight. She'd changed out of the dress and was wearing an outfit she knew Tony liked, but at the look on his face she knew it wasn't her appearance he would need, but her comfort. She met him at the door and wrapped her arms around his neck. Tony crushed her in a fierce embrace and buried his head in her neck while Ziva whispered soothing words to him and slowly rubbed his back.

When he spoke, his words were muffled. "That could've been me."

She pulled away slightly and ran her hands over his chest, closing her eyes momentarily. "You weren't wearing your vest either."

Tony shook his head. "It was surveillance Zi, watching monitors. We weren't supposed to leave the truck. Then everything happened so fast and..." He sighed and drew her back against him. "I could lose all of this at any moment and I don't know what to do."

Ziva leaned up and kissed him, slowly. Tony held her tighter, deepening the caress and pouring out his fear and guilt and remorse into the moment. They broke apart, breathing heavily, neither willing to be any further away. "Come home," she whispered at last. "Please come home to me."

Tears cracked his voice. "I'll try Zi." He cradled her face in his hands, his forehead pressed against hers. "This is the only place I want to be."

They stayed that way, sharing breaths and space for a long time before finally sitting down. Ziva tucked her feet under herself and gripped his hand tightly. "Is Detective Carson going to be okay?"

He nodded, relief filling him again at that truth. "Yeah, Jeanne said he's going to be fine. I guess they had a close call, but he made it through surgery. That's always good news."

Ziva's forehead furrowed. "Jeanne was the doctor you dealt with?"

His eyes widened. "I forgot to tell you that story." Tony brushed some hair away from her face. "Remember that old boyfriend of Jeanne's I mentioned?" She nodded. "It's him."

"John?" One eyebrow arched. "That cannot be a coincidence."

Tony nodded. "I don't know if I believe in fate, but I think there's got to be a bigger plan here than what we're seeing. I left her there, with him. I encouraged them both to give it another shot. Jeanne wouldn't tell me what she was thinking, but I have a feeling she's not going to take this decision lightly."

Ziva ghosted her fingers over his face, down his neck and let them fall to his chest, feeling his heart beat before she cuddled against his side. "Then we will wait," she said with finality. "And hope. And someday this really will be over."

Tony kissed her temple and rested his cheek on her hair. "I know Zi. But for now, there's always a weekend in the Bahamas to look forward to."

She chuckled quietly, drawing random patterns on his shirt. "Yes, and a red negligee and no cell phones."

He grinned and tipped her chin up. "Babe, I like the way you think." As far as Tony was concerned, the weekend couldn't come fast enough. All he wanted was uninterrupted time with his wife where for once they could just enjoy being married. After the events of tonight, he wanted to remember to cherish every moment. There was no telling when they might suddenly run out.

_Sarah - you're welcome. I'm glad you liked the plane scene. Mmm...not sure. He's probably not going to learn is as deliberately as he did in RofS, more by default just by constantly being around Z. We'll have to see. I'm not going to make it a priority yet. No, G's demeanor is not easing any of the stress, but he doesn't even know the half of what T is dealing with. I agree, it's hard to be sympathetic when she's accusing T of murder. I haven't decided what I'm going to do with that part yet. I wish I could skip it but that's kind of a significant moment. Thanks for reviewing! :)_


	15. 4x16 Dead Man Walking

Ziva stared at the picture of Lieutenant Saunders on the plasma. "This is killing me, I feel like I know him."

Tony looked up. "Mossad?"

She frowned at the screen. "Maybe."

He quirked an eyebrow. "Internet dating?"

Ziva glared daggers in his direction and grabbed the little piece of metal from his hand. "I will kill you eighteen different ways with this paperclip!"

Tony snorted. "Eighteen, huh? Not two, or ten, but eighteen. Really?" His brow furrowed as he examined the paperclip. "Bet they wouldn't let these through airport security if they knew what deadly weapons they were."

She rolled her eyes and went back to her study of the lieutenant's picture. Soon after that Tony started making up silly ways to help her remember. Closing her eyes and opening them again. Looking away and looking back. Squatting down, jumping up and looking. After about the third time she caught on and punched him for being an idiot. Tony yelped as expected and backed away, rubbing his arm vigorously and complaining that he was bruised. Ziva ignored him and soon later Gibbs sent her with Lieutenant Saunders to the hospital.

He was a nice man, she liked him right away, and Ziva had to admit, it felt nice to be so blatantly appreciated. By the time they started finishing each other's sentences though, she was getting a strange feeling. How was it she could be attracted to a witness when her husband was waiting for her at the office? And the more she tried to shake it, the more the feeling grew. Then, when she started making a list of everything he'd done in the past twenty-four hours, she suddenly realized how she knew him - they ran the same route every morning but in opposite directions.

Ziva resisted the urge to blush when Roy commented on her cute, tight technique. She laughed when he started flirting with her, but couldn't help enjoying the admiration. Tony rarely went running with her, he couldn't do much with the damage to his lungs anyways, but still...she rarely had so much in common with a person she'd just met. Finally Ziva excused herself to call Gibbs with an update, hoping she'd be released from duty soon so she could get back to NCIS and remember who held her heart.

When Gibbs got off the phone, Tony glanced over. "Ziva figure out how she knew him?"

Gibbs was his usual concise self. "Personal connection."

Tony sat back down with a thump in his chair. "Ziva has personal connections?" Yes, to him. But more specifically, she had personal connections that didn't involve him? What did that even mean? He stared out the window and pondered this new, disturbing piece of information. How exactly did she know Roy Saunders? Hopefully he could find out without coming across as the jealous, overprotective husband she didn't need right now.

**NCIS**

Partway through the day the realization came to Ziva that while she had started out being very firm about not having any contact with their poisoned witness, she now found herself touching Roy, helping him into and out of bed, letting him lean on her as they walked in the garden. It was a nice surprise to hear him state a familiar saying, and in the back of her mind Ziva wondered if Tony knew her favourite quote. Had they ever even talked about things like that? In a job where death was part of every day and their lives were constantly on the line, the trivial things sometimes got missed.

Finally Ziva had to get away from him. She hit the vending machine a couple of times, trying to release some of the stress that was building up, and leaned her head against the front briefly when she realized how tired she was. Not just in body, but spending this much time with a man who was likely dying and trying to keep up a positive front was emotionally exhausting._ What am I doing? _she questioned, eyes closed._ Tony is the one undercover, the one pretending to have feelings. I am not. I cannot have feelings for another man. I do not want to have feelings for another man. Why am I having feelings for Roy? _The answers did not come and the knot in Ziva's stomach grew. She had a choice, Tony did not. She should not be doing this to him whether he was aware of it or not.

Straightening up, Ziva went back to the room, only to need a private moment with Roy's blond co-worker. She was intrigued upon hearing how much of a gentleman he was even though Diane was drunk, but quickly pushed the thought away. Tony treated her with just as much respect while they were dating, even though she knew he was used to putting the physical stuff before everything else. Even though it was clear he wanted her in that way, Tony had promised her he was trying to change, trying to grow, trying to be different this time, and they did not go to bed together until the day they were married.

Ziva tried to remember those days, tried to hold onto everything that was important, but Gibbs' order to stay with Roy as protection made it all the more difficult. She needed to get away, she needed to escape from the suffocating confusion that swirled around her whenever she and the lieutenant were in the same room. But when he asked about a will Ziva knew he was getting worse, and when he asked her to stay because he was afraid to be alone she couldn't say no. Perhaps, the Israeli considered as she got comfortable on his bed and Roy took her hand, perhaps she didn't want to say no. And that was the hardest part.

**NCIS**

The next day Ziva stood at the coffee machine facing her team member as they both reached for the steaming cup. "I have been working for thirty hours straight."

He had the nerve to look at her like he deserved the caffeine more. "This is only my fourth cup of the day."

Tony was leaning against the wall on the other side of the room. "Mossad, hot liquid - I'd let her have it McGee."

He did and she spared a glance for her husband. "Thanks."

McGee drifted away as he often did when he didn't want to get caught in the Tony/Ziva crossfire, and her partner walked slowly towards her. "So, you spent the night in the Lieutenant's room, huh?" What really bothered him was that none of his texts were returned and she hadn't answered a single call. He spent hours trying to get ahold of her before giving up.

Ziva stared at him, nearly uncomprehending. Was he really asking what she thought he was asking? Finally she just nodded. "Yes, we stayed up late talking." That was the whole truth and nothing but. If she hadn't been talking she would have fallen asleep. She hadn't stayed awake this long since her last mission with Mossad.

Tony took a drink of his coffee. "Yeah, I remember staying up late in college, talking." His tone was a bit sarcastic and though he knew he had no right to be baiting her when he was the one sort of dating another woman, he couldn't help the flare of jealousy at the idea of his wife at this other man's bedside. Tony wondered if he had really understood how she felt about Jeanne until now, if this was how he felt after one night. "What's that look on your face?"

Ziva glanced at him and started to walk away. They could not have this conversation here. "What look?"

He caught up with her quickly. "Falling in love with a dying man?" Tony felt like he had to ask, had to know because he saw something in her eyes he didn't like, but he wished he hadn't as soon as he saw her expression.

She glared at him. "Of course not! How could you even ask me that?"

"The look on your face says you are."

Ziva got in his space, incredulous. "When did you become an expert on love?" That hit home for Tony, because they'd been doing so well before yesterday. Was this the point where they started to fracture? She was stressed and hadn't slept and he was jealous when he should be trusting her? She crossed her arms. "What is that look on your face?"

Tony sighed. "Nothing. I was just going to say-"

Tired and frustrated, Ziva interrupted him. "I do not need your permission to do my job Tony."

He grabbed her elbow. "Is it just a job Ziva?"

The disbelief that flashed in her eyes made Tony wish he could rewind the last few minutes and start over again. Then Gibbs and McGee joined them before he could even begin to repair the damage and the couple could do no more than share loaded looks full of hurt and resentment, while tension sizzled in the air between them. This was not the last conversation they'd be having on the topic, that much was painfully clear.

**NCIS**

It was more than a week before Jeanne worked up the courage to go see her former fiancé again. He was sleeping when she entered the room and she stayed near the doorway, just watching him for a moment before she picked up his chart and flipped through it. According to the doctor's notes he was healing well, but would still be out of commission for awhile. Thinking that maybe she'd just come back later, Jeanne started to leave, but thenJohn opened his eyes and smiled.

"Hey Cat, didn't expect to see you again."

She wrapped her arms around her waist and shrugged. "I wasn't sure I'd come back. But I walk by your room every day, it would be rude not to stop and say hello once in awhile."

He pushed himself up and bit and grimaced, so Jeanne moved closer and tucked an extra pillow behind his back. John leaned back against it with a sigh. "Thanks." She just nodded, unsure of what to say to him now, when it had all been said before. He reached for her hand. "How are you?"

Jeanne fingered her short ponytail and took a seat on the edge of his bed. "I'm okay, I guess. Work keeps me so busy I barely have time to think. It's probably better that way."

John's thumb caressed her knuckles and he tried to read her face, though after a year he felt a little out of practice. "It's a lot easier to ignore things than actually face them. That was my MO for too long."

She examined his eyes, remembering when she used to be able to look into them and know his thoughts. "And now?" Curiosity was apparently getting the better of her.

He looked down at the bedsheets. "Now I know how easy it is to lose important things and people because I didn't put enough thought into my actions or their consequences. And I'm really trying to change. I never want to do to anyone else what I did to you. And if I ever get to have you back in my life, I'd rather die than see you hurt again."

Jeanne lightly touched the gauze covering his wound and closed her eyes. "I don't ever want to see you that close to death again. Do you hear me?"

John brushed his thumb down her cheek. "It's nice to know you care. Am I allowed to hope yet?"

She shook her head. "I can't answer that. You need to let me work through this at my own pace." Jeanne let out a breath. "But let's...start as friends, okay?"

His grip on her fingers tightened. "What are the rules for friendship Cat? I can't afford to get this wrong."

Jeanne bit her lip and thought about it. "Friendship means that I'll come and see you sometimes while you're here, that you can call me if it's been a bad day and you need someone to talk to, that maybe we'll go grab coffee and take a walk now and then. But it also means respecting the time I need to decide if we can ever be more than that, and not asking about my relationships and acting jealous because right now you don't have any right to do that." She slowly pulled her hand away. "This is all I can give you right now John. If that's not enough, then I need you to say goodbye now and let me go."

John worked very hard to keep his hands to himself and swallowed. "It's not enough Cat, not by a long shot. But I know what I did and I know if I want any chance at all with you, I have to earn my way back into your life and I have to do it on your terms." He forced a smile. "So I can handle being friends, and I'll do my best to respect the boundaries you're setting. Just...don't leave me hanging forever, okay? I know it might be months before you can give me an answer, but let's set a deadline, okay? If you can't trust me by the end of the summer," he paused and swallowed, his heart hurting for the next words, "then we both go our separate ways and we never contact each other again. Is that fair?"

Ultimatums made Jeanne nervous, she didn't like expectations she might not be able to meet. But at the same time John was right, friends didn't just leave friends to wonder where they stood. No matter what had happened between them before, he deserved an answer. And Tony deserved for her to figure out what side her heart was on. So finally she nodded. "Okay, that's fair." Standing, she started backing towards the door. "I gotta get going, my break's almost over. But I'll drop in again before they send you home." She smiled a little. "Get some rest."

Just like that she was gone and John turned his face towards the window. It was bright and sunny outside but overcast and gloomy in his heart. Starting from scratch was nothing less than he merited considering the way he'd betrayed her trust, but to go from the mindset of a lover and future husband to that of a friend was not an easy task. All this time he'd never let her go, but from now on he'd have to hold on very loosely and hope that somehow Jeanne would forgive him and give him one more chance. He knew it would be his last one.

**NCIS**

The only time Ziva could take for herself while on protection detail was to go to the bathroom while a guard stayed posted at Roy's door. After her team left, she made a beeline for the ladies room, locked herself in an empty stall and cried. No one, no one was ever allowed to see her cry, see her break. The last tears she shed were for her mother, because after Tali was killed there was only death and revenge in her heart. Not until Ari died, until Gibbs didn't remember her, until Tony go so far under her skin and into her heart that she knew there was no way to ever get him out, did she finally let herself feel and be vulnerable again. And opening herself up sounded like a wonderful idea, until a case like this came along and she couldn't separate truth from confusion and feelings from facts and there was no straight lines and no one to untangle the strings. So she cried out the hurt of Tony's accusations, of her own unfaithful heart, and everything inside that was such a mess. Then Ziva cleaned herself up and erased all signs of weakness before returning to her duties.

Tony came back later, to ask Roy a few questions and Ziva took her frustration out on him when he didn't deserve it. For his part, Tony noticed his wife's protectiveness of Lieutenant Saunders, and felt the green-eyed monster rear its ugly head again when her name was the first thing on Roy's lips as he was shaken awake. Roy's first response was to look at Ziva, who explained Tony's presence. When the question had been answered, Tony met her eyes and motioned to the hall with his head. She nodded wearily and stepped outside, telling him how to work the vending machine when he got it wrong the first time.

He handed her the candy bar and sat down on the bench. "Are you okay?"

It was obvious by the watery gaze she aimed at him that she was not. "I do not know what I am. This has never happened to me before. All I want to do is run."

Tony took her hand, grateful that for once they didn't have an audience. "What's going on Zi?"

She shook her head, begging him silently to please not ask that question. But he didn't take it back and his eyes never wavered from her face. "I think I am developing feelings for him." Shame coloured her words. "And all I can think of is that you do not deserve my disloyalty, but I do not know how to make it stop."

The honesty they had promised to each other tore a hole in Tony's heart, but he tightened his grip on her hand, rubbing his thumb over her ring finger. "I love you Ziva."

Two tears escaped to trail down her cheeks. "I love you. I am so sorry Tony."

"Hey." He wiped away the wetness with his thumb. "I know what it's like. I've been there, remember? It's easy to get in too deep honey, too easy. Please," he swallowed, "please just remember. Hold onto us, okay?"

She felt something pressed into her palm and looked down at the small, heart-shaped lock Tony had brought back from Paris. Ziva turned it over to see their names engraved on the back, with the date. August felt like a thousand years ago after all that had transpired in the intervening months, but she still remembered what it felt like to say yes to his proposal, to promise forever. Ziva closed her fingers over the lock and held it tightly, thanking Tony with her eyes.

Before another word could be spoken, Roy staggered to the doorway of his room and called for her. With a fleeting glance at her husband, she jumped up to go to him, more than a bit surprised when Tony caused a diversion to allow them a last walk in the garden. Holding his hand brought mixed feelings to Ziva's heart when that skin had so recently been warmed by her husband's touch, and the little lock was now tucked safely in her pocket where she could feel it with every step, but neither could she deny him that connection.

She stayed with Roy until the end, even though the mystery was solved and she was off the clock, smiling and laughing and telling stories, letting him think they could've had something, helping him die with dignity and be at peace. Then she took the orange beanie from his bag, recalling her promise, and slowly drove home to be with her husband. Tony held her while she cried, was understanding when she confessed, even seemed proud of her for giving the man something to hold onto in his last hours. Finally Ziva pulled away.

"Why are you doing this? Why are you not angry?"

Tony pushed some hair over her shoulder. "How can I do any less Zi, after the way you've supported me?"

"But this is different," she insisted, angry at herself.

"And you are human Ziva David, whether you like to admit it or not." Tony lifted her chin, forcing her to look at him. "You came home to me tonight babe, I know where your heart lies. In the six months of our marriage and the many months before that, I have never had a reason to doubt your love for me. And I don't doubt it now."

Her lips trembled. "Why did you let us go earlier?"

He dragged a hand over his face. "I figured maybe he needed someone." Tony sighed. "It wasn't easy to watch him flirt with you, or to see that you enjoyed being with him. But for goodness sake Ziva, the man was dying! What was I supposed to do? I'm sorry for this morning, for acting like a jealous idiot, I know you were only trying to help." He dropped his head. "I guess we've still got some stuff to work on, huh?"

Ziva rubbed the back of his head slowly. "I am sorry too." She looked out the window into the dark night. "Do you think we will be okay?"

Tony slid his arm around her waist, waiting for her to settle against him. "Yeah, I think we're going to be fine. Let's just take it one day at a time, okay?"

She nodded slowly and leaned her head on his shoulder. Today and yesterday had tested them in so many ways. But they weren't breaking and they weren't bending and they were still taking each step together. Somehow, that had to count for something, because without each other they were totally lost.

_Sarah - you're welcome :) haha...I'm always glad when I can surprise people. I thought it was a waste for John to die, I have plans for him. Well, it could never be as easy as T getting out of the assignment early, but this development will change some things. Don't worry, I've already written Bury Your Dead (still don't know how I'm going to approach Interal Affairs exactly) and Angel of Death is one of the ones I'm working on next, so they're going to happen. I'm glad you liked the early TZ moments. Even if it was just for a weekend and despite the stress they have to come back to, getting away definitely did them some good. But we won't see that so I'll just let you imagine their trip ;) Thanks for reviewing!_


	16. 4x18 Iceman

When Ziva arrived at the office Monday morning past their usual starting time, Tony smirked. "Well, well, look who's finally here."

She scowled. He knew very well why she was late. Neither of them had wanted to get out of bed earlier. They lay there, wrapped snugly in their blankets and each other's arms, listening to the sound of breathing and hearts beating, fingers wandering delicately over bare skin, content. Since Tony and Ziva never knew what the day would hold, they tried to make those moments last as long as possible.

Ziva stared at her husband. "Oh, like you have never been later, left early or gone mysteriously missing?"

Tony shook his head. "Oh no, that's my point exactly. Tardiness is my middle name. In fact, it's expected of me. You, on the other hand, have become the poster girl for punctuality." She laughed and he sat back in his chair. "Late night?"

Ziva shrugged nonchalantly. "Early morning. Run. New route. Took longer than expected. Will run faster tomorrow."

He watched her, knowing the route had changed after Roy's death. For a week she tried, but Ziva did not wish for a reminder of what, to her, counted as an indiscretion. So she left the orange beanie on the lieutenant's grave and announced that she was going to run elsewhere from now on. There were many paths in the city she hadn't tried yet and variety was good for the soul. And while he appreciated their usual banter, Tony wished they could've stayed in bed all day. Life always got more complicated when they left the little house that was their sanctuary and he was getting very tired of looking over his shoulder wondering where the next attack was coming from.

**NCIS**

Tony's other phone rang when they were at the crime scene and McGee looked at Ziva watching her partner. "He sure calls her a lot."

Ziva's attention returned to the pictures she was taking. "She calls him more often than he calls her."

Tim didn't bother asking how she knew that. "Meaning?"

She looked back at him. "Commitment issues. She is, he is not."

"I don't know," McGee adjusted his cap and worked on the sketch, "he's never been with a girl this long before. That's got to mean something, right?"

Ziva took a moment to enjoy the unintentional compliment. It had been nearly a year since the first time she and Tony had gone out together knowing full well that just being friends was no longer enough for them. And while she wasn't certain about all the details, Ziva knew for sure that their relationship bordered on being the longest he'd ever had. That, indeed, meant not just something, but everything to her. Ignoring McGee for the sake of keeping their secret safe, Ziva snapped another picture and waited for Tony to join them, hoping he might actually stick around for all of this case. Losing him in the middle was beginning to grate on her nerves. Jeanne was not the only one who needed him.

**NCIS**

That night Tony faced Jeanne at the climbing wall. "What do I get if I beat you to the top?"

Her smile grew. "You get to tell me you love me."

His heart stuttered and Tony's mind raced to try and figure out how to get out of this without completely crushing her. He took on the challenge of the wall and conquered, substituting a childhood story in place of the real reason he was good at climbing. One of his and Ziva's first dates had been rock climbing on actual rocks and he'd learned enough scaling that rock face to find a mere fake wall completely undaunting.

She stared at him when he got to the end of the story, giving her a compliment that would hopefully take a little of the sting out of what was about to happen. "How can I ever trust you again?"

Tony wished for the freedom to tell her that it would be better if she had never trusted him in the first place. Maybe Ziva made a mistake too because try as he might, he could not see any good way to handle the fallout that was surely coming. Jeanne grinned at him, waiting for the words she expected, but Tony could not bring himself to lie about something so significant. Instead he pecked her cheek and slid back down the rope.

"First time was a practice round. I want a rematch. Next time don't hold back."

She stayed where she was, frozen to the spot, as doubts swirled in her heart. But because they weren't alone, Jeanne hid the hurt behind a smile and met Tony back at the bottom. That was not the answer she was hoping for.

**NCIS**

The next morning when Tony got off the elevator he was just finishing another failed phone call. He shared a look with Ziva, having told her last night how he left things with Jeanne. She was quiet, wouldn't respond to him, and refused the offer to walk her upstairs. Tony hated that he hurt her, but he knew she would be hurt even worse if he said the words to keep his cover and not because he meant them.

Ziva regarded her husband carefully. As much as it would be nice if his assignment could just end now, it wasn't so simple. He was trying hard to find a with in with Jeanne, to fix this if possible, because he hadn't yet been released from his undercover duties. Knowing she would be expected to have some kind of reaction to his behaviour, she leaned forward. "Are you two fighting?"

He was still pensive, holding the phone and trying to think. "We don't fight."

Ziva crossed her arms. "Well, maybe she does and you have not noticed. Maybe you said something that hurt her or maybe you said nothing when you should have said something."

Tony searched her eyes, making sure this coded conversation wasn't about them, before he brushed off the concern. "She's just busy. High stress job, not a lot of time for phone calls." Ziva was suddenly in his space and he frowned. "Do you mind?" Unfortunately he couldn't act like he enjoyed having her that close, not with everything else that was going on.

She meandered back to her desk, staying particularly attuned to him all day, knowing this was bothering Tony more than he let on. The only problem with caring was that it made things more difficult, and it was hard to shut off. He didn't want to hurt her, he didn't want to hurt Jeanne. But in the end he might not have a choice. And that was the part she knew he dreaded more than anything else. There were so many things that saying 'I'm sorry' just couldn't fix.

**NCIS**

As soon as he entered Jeanne's apartment that evening, Tony could see all the classic dealing with break up signs - old clothes, red rimmed eyes, ice cream on the coffee table, chick flick playing, everything looking messy. He sighed when she just crossed her arms and faced him, doing nothing to disguise her heartache. "Jeanne, this is about what I didn't say when I beat you to the top, right?"

Jeanne sniffed. "I wanted to believe that you didn't understand what I was saying. I wanted to give you a second chance, and a third chance and a fourth." She dragged the sleeve of her sweater over her cheek. "I've said it now Tony, and you never have." She took a breath. "I love you. Now you need to figure out if you feel the same way."

Tony swallowed and shoved his hands in his pockets. "I can't say it Jeanne, I'm sorry."

"Why not?" The words came out like a cry.

He closed his eyes and breathed out. "I love you is not just something to say Jeanne, it's big, huge. I can't say it just because you want me to and you can't say it because you're afraid of what will happen if you don't." Tony ran a hand through his hair. "You're a great girl Jeanne and I like you. But we've only been dating for five months. I've been burned before, so have you, and we need to be really, really sure before those words get used." He moved closer and tipped her chin up. "Besides, there's still that elephant in the room that we haven't discussed - what's going on with John?"

Her gaze dropped to the floor and she shrugged. "It's been a month, he's back to work, busy catching up."

Tony touched her arm and made her look at him. "You know what I mean. Did you talk to him?"

Jeanne's green eyes flashed. "Yes, we talked, happy now?" He simply stared at her and she sighed. "He's called me a couple times. We went out for coffee once, but I'm confused Tony. I asked him for time. Time to figure things out, time to just be friends until I know if I can trust him again." She fiddled with the hem of her shirt. "I've loved John for a long time and then there's you, and you're a great guy..."

He searched her eyes. "Do you feel about me the same way you feel about John?"

Tony got his answer when she looked away. "I don't know," Jeanne whispered, in lieu of no.

"You asked him for time," Tony said softly, "give me the same thing Jeanne. Time for us both to figure out what we want. Time for you to decide if you want to throw away years with him for a guy who might not be everything you think he is." Her brow furrowed but he kept going, that was as much of the truth as he could tell her. "I don't want to hurt you Jeanne."

She nodded once. "Take the time Tony, but you better go now."

He squeezed her shoulder and left, not drawing a full breath until he was back in the car. Crisis narrowly averted, but his reprieve might not last long. All Tony could hope for was enough time for the assignment to end, Jeanne to have someone to turn to, and him and Ziva to make up for all the time they'd lost this year. Unfortunately it was the not knowing that was the worst.

_Sarah - you're welcome :) A lot of people were wondering how this one was going to get handled, them being married makes the situation kinda sticky. I'm glad you like how it came out. Thanks, it's always nice to know I'm getting the emotions right. I definitely think it didn't hurt T to be on the other side and see what it feels like. As always, things can never be simple for T&Z. Jeanne is around utnil 5x01, so there's still a few things to work with. I'm glad you think Jeanne should get a little bit of happier ending, not many Tiva fans agree. That honesty that T&Z are working so hard on sometimes really sucks, but I think it cements their bond just a little bit more each time they share what's going on inside. T was really grown up about this, I appreciated his maturity. I'm glad you liked the end, at least T&Z are back together where they belong. Everything has been a struggle but in the end, it will all be worth it. Thanks for reviewing! :)_


	17. 4x19 Grace Period

With his personal life in turmoil, the last thing Tony needed to hear was that Paula's team had walked into an ambush. The news tore him and Ziva away from plans of a picnic in the backyard and a walk down the street for ice cream before he got together with his buddies from OSU for a basketball game in the park while Ziva brought a book to read, promising to sit somewhere he could see her and show off a little. It was just normal couple stuff and they'd both been looking forward to it, but the loss of agents took priority over everything else.

McGee's guilt over the death of his friend prompted Ducky to finish his thought that it could've been them and Gibbs looked over his shoulder. "Almost was. We were supposed to work the hotline this weekend."

Tony's heart thumped painfully. "You serious about that Boss?"

He didn't get the chance to answer because the men who'd rented the store suddenly showed up and then Ziva found the head of their friend in the ceiling and the remaining members of the Muslim Coalition For Peace were taken in for questioning. But Tony and Ziva lingered to leave the building last and he pressed his fingers gently into the small of her back. The couple shared a look before following their team to the car. To think they could've died this morning, without any warning, was off-putting. Neither was ready for this to end.

**NCIS**

The next day Tony fixed the black band across his badge and listened to Paula and Ziva go at it, getting involved only when one of them sought his answer to support their points. He recognized what his wife was doing, giving Paula a target for her anger and pain, but as Paula was an old friend and Ziva the most important part of his life now, he would've preferred to see them as friends, not enemies.

When they parked the car back at the burnt out shop, Paula was still fuming. "I don't know how you work with her!"

Tony got out. "Well I worked with you, didn't I?"

Paula rolled her eyes. "Funny." She reached into the backseat for her gear. "What do you think Gibbs would do if I slapped her?"

He bit back a grin. "I'm more worried about what she'd do. Y'know, Mossad assassin and all?"

Her tone sharpened. "You don't think I could take her? I took you didn't I?"

Tony removed his sunglasses. "Uh, technically you did put me down, but I distinctly remember the floor was slippery that day." They got to the doorway of the shop and Tony could see his colleague fighting tears. He put his hand on her shoulder. "You don't have to do this Paula."

She shrugged off his hand and turned towards him. "When did you start being so caring?"

Tony thought about it. _When I fell in love. When I got married. When I realized I didn't want to hurt anyone._ He pretended to be offended. "Well I have always been caring. I come from a very caring family. The DiNozzos, in fact, are celebrated for their caringness."

Paula pulled on her gloves and glanced across the room. "Right." She did not sound convinced.

Tony knelt down to open his backpack. "Maybe I wasn't as caring once as I am now."

"What brought that on?" He declined to answer and she changed her tactic. "Or should I say who?"

Tony shrugged. "Well, you get older, you change."

She smiled. "What's her name?" Then her expression darkened. "Please tell me it's not Ziva."

Repeating what she wanted to hear and because no one was supposed to know, he parroted, "It's not Ziva."

Paula nodded. "Good. Do you love her?"

Tony shined his flashlight towards the ceiling. "Yeah Paula, I do."

Her eyebrows rose. "Wow, you really mean that. So what's the problem?"

He deflected. "Who says there's a problem?"

Paula crossed her arms. "The look on your face. Does she know?"

Tony sighed heavily. "I hope so."

Her eyes grew shiny. "You need to make sure. It's a cliche, but it's true. Life's too short not to tell someone you love them if you do. And I can tell you do."

He swallowed, hearing the truth in her statement. Tony decided he needed to make sure Ziva really knew how much he loved her, especially in light of this case. "Yeah," he said to himself, "I will."

**NCIS**

When Tony tried to play off his sore shoulder later as Paula beating on him, Abby turned to glare at the other agent but quickly got the real story. "If I'd punched him Abby he wouldn't be standing."

The forensic scientist socked him in the arm. "Never lie to a woman Anthony DiNozzo."

His gaze flitted briefly to Ziva and he closed his eyes. Too late. But if he could take back every one of the lies he would, because Tony DiNozzo no longer wanted to be one of those guys. He followed Gibbs out of the lab after the briefing, needing to clarify something. "Hey, uh, Boss, I got a question for you. That thing you said yesterday...we were really supposed to have the weekend duty Cassidy's team took?"

Gibbs glanced back at him. "Yup."

"How'd we get outta that?"

Gibbs' tone made the question seem unnecessary. "I asked."

The doors slid open and the team leader stepped inside as Tony's thoughts raced. "So that really could've been us?"

Gibbs pressed a button and turned around. "It could've been us every single day of the week. You want to worry about something, worry about tomorrow."

The doors closed, leaving Tony alone in the hall until Ziva slipped out of the lab and stood silently at his side. He felt her presence and turned slightly. The expression on his face concerned her so she led him to the stairwell and stepped into his arms. Tony sank into the hug, needing the contact with her so badly. He couldn't get Gibbs' words out of his head. Pulling back slightly, Tony framed her face with his hands and forced the words through his tight throat.

"I love you Ziva. I love you. I love you," he whispered over and over, "I love you so much." His voice cracked and she leaned up to touch her lips to his. Tony pressed in closer, kissing her again and again, trying so desperately to convey his heart through each caress.

Ziva broke away, breathing hard, and tucked her head under his chin, resting one hand on his chest. "I know Tony. I love you. Please do not look so sad."

He crushed her against him, dropping his head to her shoulder, his body shuddering as he exhaled. "I'm trying so hard to hold on Ziva, please don't let go."

She shook her head. "I will not." Their shared embrace lasted another minute before she reluctantly pushed him back. "We have to go."

Tony swallowed. "I know." He captured her lips a final time and ran up the stairs. Ziva watched him go and leaned back against the wall, clutching her Star of David necklace and rubbing her thumb over the inscription Tony had added during their first Hanukkah as husband and wife. Thank God they had survived, she would not know what to do without him.

**NCIS**

Despite his desire to be with Ziva, Tony took Paula out for coffee once they'd been dismissed for the day and gently drew her out about the team members she'd lost. Paula went from slowly telling him what the men were like, to laughing at some of the stunts they'd pulled, to sharing the ways they'd saved each other's lives, and finally crying for the friends that shouldn't've died. She was drowning in guilt and try as he might, Tony couldn't work her away from the mindset that it was her fault. It made sense when she turned the question around on him and asked how he'd feel. Tony knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that if his team had been killed and he wasn't with them, nothing could stop him from taking the blame.

It was a long time until Tony felt okay to leave Paula alone, but suddenly Gibbs appeared and announced that Agent Cassidy would be bunking at his place tonight, no questions asked or arguments accepted. Tony felt relief knowing that Paula would have a gruff, grumpy, caffeine addicted guardian angel watching out for her and he was more than glad to go home to his wife. They'd barely had any time alone together, having spent the previous night working and each taking turns to shower at the office and change into clean clothes from their go-bags. Right now all he wanted was to be with her.

Ziva was in the kitchen stirring something on the stove and Tony came up behind her, slid his arms around her waist, and breathed in the scent of her shampoo. She leaned back into him, put her hand over his, and allowed Tony the comfort of her presence while she finished dinner. He stayed barely a step away from her as she moved around the kitchen, held her hand the whole time they were eating, and kept her so close during the episode of Magnum he put on that Ziva was practically in his lap. But she didn't mind at all, instead she was thankful for the reassurance. Thinking of all they could've lost made her stomach turn, but Tony's fingers caressing smooth skin under her shirt slowly eased away the tension.

Their lovemaking that night was almost frantic as they both desperately sought the deep connection with each other, and the couple fell asleep with arms wrapped tightly around their partner's body, pressed as close together as physically possible. Despite that, 0200 found Ziva soothing her husband out of a nightmare and welcoming him back into her body to offer the kind of comfort only a wife could give. He didn't want to let her go in the morning, didn't want to leave the warmth of their bed where he felt they were safe. But Ziva reminded her husband they had a duty to justice and to their fellow agent, so he reluctantly got up and prepared for work.

**NCIS**

The day passed quickly as they finally found one suspect and thanks to Abby, solved the mystery of the dead man talking. By the end of the day, and at Ziva's suggestion that they kill anyone else who tried to stop the peace conference, it looked like Paula and Ziva might not stay enemies forever. The next morning the team arrived at the little store with their respective protectees and began making preparations for the memorial. Ziva came through the secret door after checking out the shop next door and Paula left to let Gibbs know they were clear before she made a scene and cried in front of them. Tony stood alone, staring at the damage and Ziva walked slowly over, touching his arm lightly.

"Is something wrong?"

He swallowed. Everything was wrong. "It was supposed to be us."

She smoothed a hand over the back of his hair. "But it was not."

Tony sighed and slipped his hands in his pockets. "No, not this time."

Ziva cupped his face and stared into his eyes. "I hope it is not us next time either. I am not ready for this to be over." He struggled to control his emotions and intertwined their fingers, telling her in silence that he felt the same way. Gibbs appeared in the doorway stating that they were ready and the pair separated, but not before Tony mouthed 'I love you' to his wife and saw the sentiment reflected in her warm gaze.

He helped to set up for the service and watched Gibbs give Paula permission to mourn for her team while they took care of security. Then McGee called and suddenly they had new suspects. By the time the absence of the other man was noticed, it was too late, the wall was already swinging open. Paula saw the threat and did what she was trained to do, rushed towards the danger rather than away from it.

Panic flared in Tony's chest and he and Gibbs both raced for the swinging partition. But it slammed shut, locking Paula and the terrorist on the other side. Seconds dragged past as Ziva ran from her station outside to the attached store, but had to take cover when the bomb went off. Tony's hands stayed splayed against the brick, feeling the heat of the explosion as orange light from the fire glowed under the door and bits of plaster dotted his hair and jacket. Paula was dead, and he should've stopped it.

Numbness slowly crept over him and he walked away, making it outside to the garbage can before his stomach emptied and he slid down the wall to sit on the sidewalk, staring at nothing. Ziva had already checked out the old magic shop and reappeared, gun in hand, to see her husband on the ground, head in his hands. She went to him and knelt down, resting her hand on his knee, knowing there were no right words to say.

Gibbs came out and shook his head, uttering a gruff, "Leave him be," before calling to request another team. His people had too often worked the murders of their own, this time someone else could step up. Ziva and McGee cordoned off the new crime scene and Tony's absence wasn't noticed until they finished. Gibbs dismissed them once Carter's team arrived to relieve them and Ziva immediately began checking all the bars in the vicinity, since both cars were still where they had been parked.

But Tony wasn't drinking yet, he was walking and walking and walking. When he couldn't walk anymore, he entered the first bar he saw and ordered the strongest stuff they had. He sat there all afternoon and into the evening until the bartender finally cut him off, took his keys, and borrowed his cell phone. Checking frequently called numbers, he chose the first and a slightly accented voice answered, edged with worry.

"Tony?"

Nick shook his head. "No ma'am. I'm the barkeeper at O'Toole's on M Street. I have your friend here. He needs a ride home."

She sighed. "Thank you. I will come. Do not let him leave."

The call disconnected and Nick gave Tony his phone back. The man had barely moved and he was starting to get concerned. Mere minutes later a car screeched to a stop outside and an exotically beautiful woman walked in, clearly on a mission. She made a beeline for Tony and put her hand on his shoulder, muttering in a language Nick didn't recognize. She turned to him. "How long has he been here?"

Nick checked his watch. "About five hours. Frankly I'm surprised he's still upright."

Ziva's expression was grim. "Tony is pretty good at holding his liquor when he wants to be." She turned his face towards her. "It is time to go ahava. Please come home with me."

Tony raised bloodshot eyes to meet hers. "I couldn't stop it."

Her gaze filled with compassion. "None of us could. It was what she wanted Tony."

He shut down again. "'s not what I wanted."

Ziva's fingers curled into the material of his suit jacket. "I know."

Nic was watching the exchange with concern and had already determined that the two were much more than friends. "Is everything alright ma'am?"

Ignoring his use of her least favourite title, Ziva shook her head and lifted her shirt to reveal her badge. "We are federal agents. One of ours was killed today, they were friends for a long time."

His brow creased. "I'm sorry."

She nodded, collecting her husband's keys from the bartender. "As am I. Thank you for calling." Tugging on Tony's arm got his attention and he slid off the stool and into her. Ziva had braced for his weight and supported him with an arm around his waist.

"Need a hand?" Nick asked, but they were already halfway to the door and didn't hear.

Ziva got Tony settled in the car and drove slowly home. Tony kept his eyes closed until they were parked in the driveway. She shifted in her seat and watched him stare at his hands. "We were friends. She died right in front of me today, a few feet away, and I couldn't do anything to save her."

Berating herself for not expecting a trap, Ziva accepted responsibility for the tragedy. "I am to blame as well. I should have known something was not right."

Tony pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes. "Not your fault," he muttered. "This sucks."

They stayed like that until Tony felt the call of nature after drinking all day and finally went inside. After he changed, he dropped onto the couch and chose a James Bond marathon to keep his thoughts off of what had happened. Ziva sat beside him and slowly eased the grieving man down until he was laying with his head in her lap. Her fingers scraped lightly through his hair over and over, finally lulling him into an exhausted sleep. Her own eyes watered when tears slipped down his face and she wished to be able to gather him up and take away the hurt. But it was not possible, so she simply stayed where she was, pouring out love on her sleeping husband and hoping that somehow he'd be able to let the guilt go. It was far too easy to drown in that kind of darkness.

_Sarah - you're welcome :) haha...I always dislike anyone involved with T&Z just on the principle of the matter, but they do seem to have issues choosing good people to spend their time with. I agree on both counts - it wasn't Jeanne's fault that she was part of this mess, but she is responsible for her reaction to the hurt. I'm glad what Z did to move on fit. I feel like she would've been very hard on herself for the lack of control when it came to Roy. My Tony had a really important reason sitting at home waiting for him, as well as his own personal conscience, for why he wouldn't say those words when they weren't true. Glad you liked his explanation and definitely helps that J is kind of torn at the moment, doesn't make T seem like the total bad guy either. Thanks for reviewing! :)_


	18. 4x21 Brothers In Arms

Tony got off the phone with Jeanne and sighed. Meet the parents? That never turned out well, especially when he was still playing a game with all of them. He turned to find the others gathered close trying to hear and managed to bluff his way out of the moment. But it wasn't long until Ziva cornered him in the breakroom before he could make it up to MTAC, demanding an explanation for the look on his face.

Leaning back against the vending machine, Tony gave her the cliff notes version. "She wants me to meet her mother."

Ziva's eyebrows rose. "Is it not customary for things to be serious before that happens?"

He chuckled dryly. "Let's just say that I've never been serious enough to warrant that type of conversation." Tony's gaze fixed on her bare ring finger. "Although, I suppose now I've surpassed serious and jumped right in feet first to forever."

She smiled a little, then turned serious. They both knew that the chances of them ever having dinner with their parents was slim to none at this point. "Do you even know what you are doing with her?"

Tony blew out a breath. "I guess we're still dating. The last couple weeks have cooled things off a bit, she's still pretty torn between me and John. Sometimes I wish I could just make the decision for her."

"It would be easier that way," Ziva agreed, "but not part of your job description."

"The job is losing more of its appeal every day," Tony muttered unhappily. Then he rubbed his face. "But anyhow, I tried to make an excuse about working late and she didn't buy it. Jeanne promised to watch a marathon of old movies with me without complaining the next time that theater downtown does its Saturday All Day Movie Madness thing. It's a decent enough bribe when we're still not doing other things."

Ziva stepped close to him and ran her hand down his neck and chest, stopping over his heart. "You will find a way to say the right things ahava, somehow that does not involve confusing her heart further."

He picked up her hand and kissed her fingertips. "I wish I had your confidence."

Footsteps were heard around the corner and the partners quickly assumed casual positions, keeping enough distance between them to be above suspicion. When the owner of the footsteps passed by, Ziva looked at him again. "I will believe for you. Now go and talk to Jenny."

Tony frowned at her. "Not even a kiss for luck?"

She laughed, pressing her lips lightly to his once she was sure they had no audience, and returned to the squadroom, leaving him to wonder what exactly he was getting himself into.

**NCIS**

Dinner was turning out to be an incredibly awkward affair, starting with Jeanne's mother arriving while she was still in the restroom, the comment about his shoes and moving on from there. For awhile he felt invisible with Dr. Benoit and Dr. Berkley sharing work-related stories. They clearly had learned how to keep their appetites while talking about intestinal parasites, but even though he dealt with dead bodies on a daily basis, Tony still looked down at his plate with much less enthusiasm after that comment.

His ears perked up when Rene Benoit was brought into the conversation, and he wondered when last month Jeanne had seen him and why nothing had been said. Clearly Rene and Jeanne's mother were more than just a little estranged, but while it was obvious that Jeanne did her best to make her mother proud, he could see by the adoration in her eyes when her dad was mentioned that she was definitely his little girl.

When Helen asked about his line of work, Tony put on a grin and began describing the duties of an online film professor, but the look on her face was less than impressed and finally he shrugged. "It's not for everyone."

"No," she replied cooly, "I can imagine the rest of the world has much better things to do than sit around all day analyzing movies made fifty years ago."

"Mother!" Jeanne hissed, embarrassed, but the older lady paid no attention to her daughter's attempt to divert her questioning.

"So," Helen leaned her chin on her hand, "why is it taking you so long to sleep with my daughter?" Jeanne's cheeks grew red with mortification but she continued. "We're all adults here honey, two of us are even doctors."

Tony cleared his throat. "Well, uh, I'm still kind of...new at commitment, so we're taking things slow."

"Six months is far past taking it slow and deep into excuse territory, don't you think?" Helen questioned.

He tried to figure out her game. "Why are you worried about me? I'd think a mother would be happy to see her daughter treated with respect, instead of being used for what she could give."

Dr. Berkley scrutinized him. "A leopard doesn't change its spots overnight. I can see the doubt in your eyes. Even now you're wondering how long this is going to last."

Was he really that transparent? Tony swallowed and resisted the urge to tug at his shirt collar, which was beginning to feel too tight. Luckily for him Jeanne jumped in. "Alright, that's enough. Let's talk about something else, shall we?"

Helen was quite good at ignoring blatant hints. "I made a mistake with Jeanne's father. Now don't get me wrong, I got Jeanne out of the deal so I can't complain. But I don't want to see her hurt the way I was."

Tony glanced between the two of them. "I have no intentions of hurting your daughter."

She stared at him a moment longer. "See that you don't." Then the lady smiled brightly and gestured to the window. "Lovely night, don't you think?"

**NCIS**

By the time Tony got home he was completely wiped out. He came in the door, shrugged off his jacket and started loosening his tie. He walked into the office where Ziva was curled up on the chair in the corner reading a book. Bending down, he kissed her cheek and dropped onto the footstool in front of her. She set her reading material aside and gave him her full attention. "How was dinner?"

He groaned. "I barely got out of there alive." Closing his eyes, Tony tried to forget the last hour and a half. He looked at his wife. "Do you know how hard it is to lie to someone's mom? Right to her face? I felt like she could see right through everything I said."

Ziva put her hand on his knee. "If the director has finally let Gibbs in on her mission, if she is using the whole team to get the job done, surely your part in this is almost at its end."

"I wish I could believe that." Tony leaned forward to kiss her. "I wish I could do something to make sure no one gets hurt because of this. But I'm pretty sure, when this is all over, that there will be no shortage of hurt on all sides. And I'm just going to have to stand there and watch it happen."

She moved from the chair and pushed Tony into it, then settled in his lap, leaning into him as she caressed his face. "Let me alleviate some of your concern. As long as you still come through that door and home to me when this mission is over, I will not add to your burden. I will just be thankful that we can be together without interference."

Tony wrapped his arm around her and cupped her cheek. "I never wanted it to be like this. When I asked you to marry me, all I could think was that I didn't want to lose you. But in six months of this stupid assignment, I've almost lost you more than once. If I'd known it was going to happen like this, maybe-"

Ziva's finger on his lips cut off his words and she shook her head, dark eyes boring into his. "No Tony, do not say it." She traced his features gently. "No matter what this assignment has cost us, no matter the challenges, and yes, even the hurt, I would not trade any of our time together. I would not have wanted to spend these months without you, in the dark, always wondering what was going on and if you were alright. It is much better that I have been by your side through it all. Please know that I do not regret a moment of our marriage." She slid her lips between and over his, quickly getting lost in the familiar give and take of their kiss. "I love you," Ziva whispered to her husband, "no matter what."

Tony pulled her close and rested his head in the space between her neck and shoulder, listening to her breathing and her heartbeat, infinitely thankful that despite what these past months had thrown at them, his wife had always been there for him to return to. If she made that the one constant in their lives for the next fifty years, Tony DiNozzo knew he would die a happy man. There was nothing better than finding out, quite unexpectedly, that he had somehow been deemed worthy of her unconditional love, loyalty and support. That was the greatest gift she could ever give him.


	19. 4x22 In the Dark

Tony and Ziva climbed the stairs to the blind photographer's apartment as Tony tried to think of reasons for being late that didn't include an unnecessary spilling of certain secrets. He was getting tired to death of splitting his time between Jeanne and Ziva, even though things with Jeanne had been slower recently since their discussion about time and figuring out what they wanted. So the DiNozzo's were in no hurry this morning, stopping for coffee and a sandwich on the way to the scene, something that caused Ziva to raise an eyebrow.

"I want some time alone with my wife," Tony had grumbled, "so sue me."

She drew her fingers lightly over his wrist. "I am not complaining, but Gibbs is not often forgiving when it comes to being late."

"Yeah, well, he's got no rules about being early or on time, just one about lying convincingly. I'm still working on that one."

Ziva searched his stormy gaze. "I wish this was not so hard for you. I hate seeing what this assignment is doing to you." Her hands surrounded his. "You are not sleeping, you are eating much less than normal, and your shoulders and back are full of knots. You cannot keep this up Tony."

His gaze was flat and heavy. "Tell me when I had a choice Ziva, except at the beginning when I had no idea what I was getting myself into and no clue how much freedom I was throwing away. I'm sorry, I don't know how to make things change."

She traced his ring finger with a gentle touch. "I will be here when you figure it out."

That brought the first hint of a smile to his lips. "Then I've got something to look forward to."

That smile was no longer present with Gibbs' stare going right through him, the senior field agent thought, feeling a bit like a deer in the headlights as he fumbled his words. "Sorry we're late Boss. Hit every red light and uh, had to stop for gas, and there was this accident that shut down two lanes of traffic, and then the line up at the coffee shop was just ridiculous." Tony cut his eyes to McGee. "Sorry we didn't bring one for you Probie, but you wouldn't've had any hands left for it anyways."

"Thanks a lot," McGee shot back sarcastically but without venom. He was used to being the afterthought.

"They sell bratwurst at your coffee shop?" the photographer inquired, sending heat racing to Tony's cheeks and causing Gibbs to scrutinize him a little closer.

Tony chuckled. "Well, uh, yeah. Everybody gets hungry, right?"

There was no comment made except a gruff, "Get to work," from Gibbs after the photographer's assistant explained the story of why they were standing in an apartment with only a picture of a dead body, but no actual dead body. And then the case began, but the couple wondered if Gibbs suspected something, because on the way to the crime scene he made Ziva ride with him and sent McGee with Tony, a switch that didn't sit right with either partner.

**NCIS**

Tony flipped his cell phone shut after the second text from Jeanne and could feel Ziva's gaze on him. They sounded urgent, but Gibbs would shoot him on the spot if he left during an interview. When they finally got away from the coughing, sneezing, germ-infested man, Tony squeezed his wife's hand and gave her the keys. "I'll catch a cab back."

Sadness battled understanding in her eyes until Ziva nodded and returned to the car. He felt like a heel, but what could he do? These days Tony understood better than ever what it meant to be caught between a rock and a hard place, but his choices were limited to two - do what he was told, or quit - and he hadn't quite gotten up the courage to stray from the status quo yet. But it niggled at the back of his mind, a thought that just wouldn't go away. Perhaps challenging orders was the only way he would ever find release from the burden that got heavier each day with each lie he was forced to repeat.

It was more than an hour between the first message and Tony's mad dash to his fake girlfriend's apartment. He let himself in and found a very calm Jeanne sitting on her couch with the speakerphone on and hold music playing while she diligently studied the classified section of the paper. Seeing her in no immediate danger, Tony frowned. "Hey, what was with the 911?"

She looked up and smiled apologetically. "Sorry Tony, I was freaking out when I sent you those."

He took a seat beside her. "What's going on?"

Jeanne sighed and leaned into him for a hug. "I just found out my building is going condo and I'm being evicted in thirty days."

Tony whistled. "Wow. That's rough." He turned his watch around. "If you need help finding a new place, I know some people." McGee was certainly capable of narrowing her options.

She leaned over and kissed his cheek. "That's sweet, thank you Tony, but I've already got someone looking."

His eyebrows rose. "That was quick. Who is it?"

Her eyes lowered and Jeanne shrugged. "When I couldn't get you I...called John. He talked me down, made some suggestions and offered to check with his buddies at the department about any leads on available apartments." She twirled a piece of hair around her finger. "He has a friend in real estate."

Tony backed right off and stood. "John's helping you look? Don't you think that's crossing a few lines?" Granted, they were lines he wanted her to cross, but he couldn't look like he was totally on board with the idea, not when they were still technically together.

Jeanne's forehead creased, not catching his drift. "If things were the other way around, I'd help you look."

He shoved his fingers into his hair for a show of agitation. "Yeah, but you're dating me, not him, right?"

She got to her feet and crossed her arms. "I don't know, am I? Have you had enough time yet to decide what you want?"

"Have you?" he shot back, then shook his head in mock disgust, holding up his hands. "Never mind. I can't have this conversation now. Good luck with your search Jeanne. I'll see you around."

Tony left and Jeanne dropped onto the couch with a huff. Two guys, both with great qualities, both with a claim on her, but only one who truly held her heart. She was a coward, not wanting to make the final choice between them, hoping they would make it for her. But it had been a month and Tony, it seemed, was out of patience.

**NCIS**

Jeanne's call the next day was quite positive, touching on none of the tension that had ended their meeting the previous day. "Tony, I saw three places yesterday. One was too cramped and the other too expensive, but the third is close to the hospital and might be an option."

He forced a smile. "That's great. Need any company for the next batch?"

She was carefully avoiding references to John and hesitated. "Well, I've already got a list of a few more apartments that are for rent, are you available this afternoon?"

Tony wished he hadn't offered, but that's what a gentleman, and a boyfriend, would do. No matter the trouble it would get him into with Gibbs, he would be available for her. "Yeah, sure. Text me the address, I'll meet you there."

Jeanne's tone was happy. "Thanks Tony. I'll see you then."

He nodded and hung up, then turned around to see the team watching him and cleared his throat. "Boss, I-"

Gibbs cut him off and nodded. "I know DiNozzo. Trust me, I know."

Tony sighed and looked away. The team leader had no idea what he was dealing with, no matter what he thought he knew.

When the others moved on to the elevator, Ziva lingered behind. "How is it going?"

He looked down at his silent cell phone and blew out a breath. "It's complicated."

She touched his arm. "Does that mean you want me to stop asking?"

Tony met her eyes. "I'm running out of time. I can't keep stringing her along like this."

"You are trying to protect both Jeanne and the assignment," Ziva observed. "Perhaps there is only one choice that does not involve anyone getting hurt."

He swallowed and leaned back against the wall. "It's not just me I'm worried about hurting Ziva."

She blinked back tears and pressed her lips to his cheek. "That is because you are a good person."

Tony's eyes begged her to forgive him for getting them into this mess but Ziva merely squeezed his hand and walked away, leaving him alone in his quandary. It was unfair of him to expect her help with this decision. The choice was up to him and screw the assignment and Jenny's revenge mission, all Tony wanted was out.

_Replies:_

_Sarah (MIT17) - sorry about missing this in the last chapter Sarah, I was really tired when I put it up and I didn't get around to replying to any reviews. But I'll fix that now. I'm glad you liked the chapter. It was definitely sad and painful exploring T's grief, but we didn't get that chance in the show. I liked Paula, she and T were good friends, so I'm glad this helped you feel the depth of it. I appreciate Z sacrificing herself if it would help Paula feel better, tho in the end I think they wouldn't've stayed enemies. I'm glad you liked the little stairwell scene, that was pretty much my favourite moment. It was nice that T still had Z in the end. Hmm, raw and unvarnished, I think I like that :) Thanks for reviewing Sarah!_

_Sarah (MIT18) - Thanks :) You're right, it's not getting any easier at all, and the end still hasn't quite come. There will still be some darkness before their dawn. I did not like Helen at all, but I was trying to capture the rather abrasive personality they gave her on the show. Either way, she's far too blunt and none of it was her business. I'm glad you liked T's answer, I think he handled Helen very maturely. _

_Very tense yet, but at least he always has Z waiting for him. Mmm...even if Jeanne does choose John, you're right in that it can't happen before everything blows up. Z's little speech was sweet. I think T feels very guilty and it was good for him to hear that she wouldn't change anything in regard to their marriage. Thanks for reviewing! :)_


	20. 4x24 Angel of Death

_A/N: Hello faithful readers and welcome to the last chapter of Part 1. This concludes Season 4 and the chapter everyone is looking forward to when this dratted assignment finally comes to an end will be the first of Part 2. Look for it Tuesday as a new story under __**Moments In Time - Part 2, Season 5. **__Thank you all so much for the lovely response to this story, it exceeded all my expectations. You are all wonderful people and I am thrilled to have you along for the ride. With love, ~Aliyah_

Tony was sitting at the kitchen table staring resolutely into his cooling coffee when Ziva came out of the bathroom after her shower, using a towel to dry her hair. She observed his concentration and sat opposite her husband, taking a bite of the scrambled eggs that sat at her place and chewing slowly before speaking. "What is it?"

He lifted his eyes to hers. "Hm?"

Ziva leaned her chin on her hand. "Is the coffee telling the future? You are watching it very intently."

Tony shrugged. "Maybe." He smoothed his tie. "I'm going to tell her Zi."

Without even asking she knew who he meant. "What about Jenny?"

He snorted. "The Director can take her vendetta and shove it in her ear for all I care. This has gone on long enough."

Ziva traced his ring finger gently. "Could you get fired?"

Tony sighed. "For insubordination maybe. But I think Gibbs would be on my side, and..."

"As will I," Ziva promised. "I do not think she will go against all of us."

"Not if she wants to keep this on the down low. Anyhow," he turned his mug around in a circle, "it doesn't matter. I'm done."

Ziva stood and crossed over, leaning down to kiss him. "I am very proud of you and how you have handled this situation. And I love you so much. I want you to know that."

Tony pulled her down again, indulging in her mouth for a long moment before reluctantly letting her go. "Keep that up and we're going to be late for work."

She tossed him a wink and a smile as she headed into their room to gather her weapons. "Another time then."

"I'll hold you to that," he called after her, and just like that another day began.

**NCIS**

Partly to commiserate over the dreaded polygraph tests starting next week, partly to celebrate the coming weekend, and partly because Abby claimed they hadn't had enough fun time recently, the team members all agreed to meet at their favourite bar after work. This was good news for everyone except Tony. Having now made his decision, he'd been wound tight all day, more than ready to have this whole mess over with.

He met Ziva in the dark parking lot and leaned her against the car. "I have to do this honey. I'll meet you there, okay?"

Her brow furrowed. "Must you do it tonight?" She wanted this over as much as he did, but she was so tired of missing him and wanted him close.

Tony stroked her cheek. "Before I lose my nerve."

Ziva sighed. "Okay."

"Hey," Tony frowned, "I'm doing this for us, remember?"

She moved away from him. "I know. See you later."

He lifted an eyebrow. "No good luck kiss?"

Ziva brushed her lips quickly over his and squeezed his fingers. "Be careful."

Tony chuckled. "I don't think she bites babe."

She shrugged. "Habit."

He slid his arms around her tense form. "I love you."

Ziva's smile was a glimmer. "Me too. I will be waiting." Then she was gone to meet Abby and McGee who'd offered to give her a ride, and Tony was left hoping this would be the last time he ever had to leave his wife when all he wanted to do was stay.

**NCIS**

It was unnerving when Nick pegged Tony as a cop two minutes after their first meeting and with hardly any interaction at all. Was it really that obvious? He felt more cop than pretend boyfriend backing up Carly when Nick started getting belligerent about his buddy's care. Once he and Bernie were let in to see Devon, Jeanne smiled at Tony. "Want to take a fifteen minute break with me?" she asked, desire to be with him obvious in his tone. He smiled and nodded and Jeanne looked at the nurse. "We'll be in the cafeteria Carly."

They headed for the elevator with arms wrapped around each other, Tony allowing Jeanne that last bit of contact before he broke the news to her. He picked up the tab for pie and coffee and they sat in the empty room watching the rain fall outside. Tony took a bite of pie and decided to start with the easy stuff. "So, what's the living situation update?"

She wrinkled her nose and shrugged. "I'm probably going to go with the one I saw last week. It'll do, for now. I need to have somewhere to go, the next three weeks are going to fly by and things are pretty crazy here right now."

"Must be hard to find time to look," Tony commented, looking for a segue.

Jeanne pointed her fork at him. "It's hard to find time to see you too, but I make it a priority."

Tony was just opening his mouth to offer a solution to that problem, like taking him out of her schedule completely, but her pager went off, Code Blue, and Jeanne left in a hurry. Sighing, he repeated the words, ate the last bite of pie, and took their coffees to go. The cop in him flared up again when Jeanne wondered how Devon went bad so fast and he took the backpack from the chair to do a little digging. His discovery of the ticket and announcement that the guy was probably body packing drugs sent the team into high gear, but their efforts were unfortunately in vain.

There wasn't much he could say to calm Jeanne's anger over losing a patient or her frustration because she was helpless to do anything about the situation. She disappeared into the Staff Lounge for a good twenty minutes, but came out looking much calmer. Resigning himself to the reality that the conversation he was desperate to have wouldn't happen tonight, he headed for the elevator holding Jeanne's hand. Maybe breakfast was a better time anyways.

"Well, I will see you in the morning. I gotta go." He kissed her, hoping this would be the final time he had to share any intimacies with a woman not his wife.

"I'll be out at seven," she reminded him as Tony pressed the down button and waited, anxious to get to the bar where Ziva was waiting.

All of a sudden Jeanne breezed through the doors following her brief conversation with the orderly. "They're headed to the morgue."

His heartrate sped up and somehow Tony knew the night wasn't over yet. Jeanne shifted impatiently from foot to foot and when the elevator dinged she flew out and around the corner. Tony took off after her, calling her name. "Jeanne. Jeanne!" At the morgue doors he caught up and grabbed her arm. "Hey! Are you trying to get yourself killed?" Tony demanded. "He's at least got a knife in there."

She glared at him. "I will not let him butcher her brother in front of her."

"Keep your voice down," he cautioned.

Jeanne crossed her arms. "Those drugs are in twenty-five feet of intestines. He doesn't know where to cut, he'll make a gory mess she'll never get out of her head."

Tony's tone was serious. "Get behind me."

She just looked at him. "Why?"

Frustration got the better of him, both at Jeanne and the situation, and he gripped her arm tighter. "Because I tell you to." She saw that he meant it and moved. Tony swept his jacket aside and reached to his hip for the gun tucked under the front seat of his car. Jeanne saw and she seemed to look at him with new eyes. He forced a bit of levity into his voice. "Haven't got a weapon on you by any chance, do you?"

Just then the door opened and Nick pointed a gun at Tony's head.

**NCIS**

At the semi-deserted bar, now that Abby and McGee were back at NCIS and Palmer and Lee had disappeared somewhere looking for the restrooms, Ziva stared forlornly into her half-empty glass. "I have a funny feeling Doctor."

Ducky chuckled. "It's the tequila my dear. You've had three shooters just in the time I've been here."

She pulled her cell phone from her pocket and dialed Tony's number again. At the message on the screen she flipped it closed, annoyance cloaking her words. "Straight to voicemail, just like always when he is with her." Being on her way to drunk make Ziva less censored than usual. He should have come by now, it had been hours. She was past understanding and well on her way to frustrated. How long could it take to tell the truth?

Ducky sounded confused. "Tony?"

Ziva snapped her attention back to her companion. "What?"

He shook his head and sipped his drink. "Nothing."

Ziva looked at him from under her lashes. "Oh no, no, no, that look was definitely something."

Ducky turned towards her. "Well, why do you monitor Tony?"

She frowned. "I do not monitor Tony."

The ME's half-smile was far from reassuring. "Oh yes you do my dear. Like a mother with a toddler."

Ziva swallowed a little more alcohol. "Ah, that is a good description."

Ducky ventured even further. "Or a woman with a wayward lover."

She pointed the glass at him. "Do not profile me Doctor, I am no longer a killer."

His tone was sincere, concerned even. "Ziva, it's Friday night. Tony is with his girlfriend and you are worried about him. What does that tell you?"

"He is my partner," Ziva stated firmly. "And my partner said he would be here. And...and I have this not so good feeling." She blinked back unwelcome moisture in her eyes and Ducky looked ahead silently, unable to offer any reassurances. In their line of work promises were just empty words.

**NCIS**

In the Morgue Nick frisked Tony roughly, seeming surprised that he wasn't carrying. He demanded that Jeanne call off security but she tried to talk him into leaving, promising they'd forget this ever happened. Nick slammed the butt of his gun into Tony's head and he crumpled to the floor, Jeanne moving quickly to catch him. "Will you forget now Doc?"

She stared daggers at him and he repeated his request for her to call off security. Defiance clear in her every move, Jeanne rose and walked to the phone. In the haze of pain clouding Tony's mind, he wondered why she didn't give the security guard a distress code disguised as the real thing. Did doctors have those in real life? Maybe it was only in the movies. Ah, movies. Sitting at home with a drink and his arm around Ziva with yet another great cinematic classic playing on the small screen. Tony frowned. Where was he again? Oh yeah, the floor, and Ziva was probably made at him because he'd missed their meeting at the bar. But if she let him lay on the couch with his head in her lap, her graceful fingers running gently through his hair, maybe the pounding would go away and he'd be able to think.

The next thing he knew Jeanne was kneeling beside him, shining a light in his eyes that caused black spots to dance in his field of vision. It would've been nice to skip this part, where he gets injured, but Tony hated to think of this all going down in his absence, leaving Jeanne without protection. She made him sit up and had him follow her finger with his eyes, while Tony rubbed the base of his neck.

Finally Jeanne sat back. "I don't see any signs of concussion."

"I've been hit harder by my sister," he quipped.

Jeanne raised an eyebrow. "You don't have a sister."

His brow furrowed in pretend confusion. "I don't?" She just smiled but Nick was out of patience and wanted to get on with it. Tony lifted his chin in the direction of the body. "Do it. I don't want you to get hurt."

Nick kept his gun trained on Tony while Jeanne prepared. She found the drugs with little trouble but ripped them open with the scalpel. When Nick made a move towards her, she stabbed him in the shoulder and the gun fell from his hand. Nick staggered back and, seeing his chance, Tony slid across the floor, grabbed the gun, and shot above Nick's head as he lunged at Jeanne with the knife.

"Next one's in your ear," he yelled, fully the cop now. "Drop it."

Nick complied and Tony stood slowly. He looked at Jeanne. "You okay?"

She pulled down her mask. "Not really."

Tony grinned, never taking his eyes off the cowering drug dealer. "You know me, never a dull moment."

She choked on a laugh. "I take back what I said about needing more excitement in my life. Boring is highly underrated."

Tony chuckled and reached for his cell phone. It was going to be a long night.

**NCIS**

Ziva stayed at the bar long after Ducky finally said adieu, remaining unmoving except for the every five minute check of her phone for messages, until finally the bartender told her they were closing and offered to call her a cab. She agreed half-heartedly, having held onto the slightest thread of hope that her husband would suddenly appear and take her home. When the yellow car pulled up out, Ziva made her way slowly inside and gave the driver her address.

She was able to keep her emotions in check until she stood in the livingroom of their cold, empty house. Then Ziva burst into tears, regretting the amount of alcohol she'd consumed because getting drunk always depressed her. With tears streaming down her cheeks, Ziva made her way to the bedroom, crawled under the covers, and curled up in a ball around Tony's pillow. His scent infused every breath and only made the ache of loneliness worse. For the first time since her brother's death, Ziva closed her eyes and cried herself to sleep.

**NCIS**

After the police arrived and processed the scene, Tony and Jeanne had to give their statements and both Nick and Bernie were taken into custody on multiple charges. The night slowly bled away and faded into a sunny morning by the time the couple was released and left the hospital holding hands. Tony rubbed his head and Jeanne leaned into him. "You should be under observation for twenty-four hours." She sounded happy about that.

He forced a small smile. "Whatever Doctor orders." Tony hoped he'd get the chance to finally say what he came to say and maybe find a quiet moment to get ahold of Ziva and let her know his absence wasn't by choice. The arrival of a limo pulled him from his thoughts. "What's this?"

"My secret," Jeanne told him, eyes dancing. The driver opened the door for her and she got in. "Bonjour Papa."

Tony could hear Rene Benoit's response, "Bonjour mon fille," as he kissed her cheeks.

He stared at the driver's impassive expression and reluctantly got in, praying he hadn't been made. Ziva was expecting him home and he didn't want to disappoint her, not again.

Jeanne was very happy to see her father and Rene smiled at Tony. "So this must be Anthony DiNardo," he exclaimed as Tony shifted uncomfortably. The Frenchman leaned forward and kissed his cheeks. "Welcome to the family, Professor," Rene chuckled, his tone suggesting a deeper knowledge of Tony's identity.

With nothing left to do, Tony smiled and began watching for a moment he could get to his phone without being noticed. This was the call he'd hoped never to have to make.

_Sarah - you're welcome :) Yeah, there's a lot of stress the others don't get to see, but Z knows him better than anyone and she has a front row seat for the toll this assignment is taking. Jeanne is procrastinating, but only because she doesn't know she only has one choice in the end. Which is coming, as you can see by Tony's unraveling patience. We're almost there now, hopefully it will be worth the wait. Thanks for reviewing! :)_


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